Are you a jealous wife? Is it normal to have jealousy in your marriage?
Jealousy in marriage arises from an aggrieved sense. It is normal to feel a bit jealous at times; occasional jealousy can be accepted as a normal part of a marital relationship, but things will develop in the opposite direction when they become extreme. When jealousy in marriage becomes intense, frequent, and overwhelming, jealousy can eat away at marital happiness; no doubt, no men want a jealous wife; so if you realize that you have become a jealous and controlling wife, you should make a conscious effort to change your mindset and behavioral pattern.
Here are some simple tips that may help you deal with jealousy in marriage:
(1) Find a sense of security:
The jealousy in marriage is often associated with a lack of sense of security. Ask yourself whether you have ever had the negative jealous thoughts like: “What if my husband finds someone better?”, “Is he flirting with a beautiful coworker at work?”, “Did he cheat on me last night?”…
Just imagine, without a ring on your finger or your spouse’s commitment to the marriage, you would certainly think that somebody else would quickly sweep in and destroy the relationship with your man.
But now that you have been married to him and he has made vows to you, in return, you should give belief to his vows, you must be aware that mutual trust is the bedrock of a marriage; on the other hand, your marriage means that you have won the extra security in the relationship than any other women, so you should allow yourself to feel more secure about the relationship than when you two were just boyfriend and girlfriend. I bet you have ever had the similar experience: you have ever suspected that a pretty girl/woman who was approaching him was attempting to flirt with your husband, but afterward, you found that she just met your man only once and she had never had contact with him since, so you had to admit that worrying about it was a waste of time.
In married life, there are too many things that can make a wife feel more or less jealous and unloved; but a wife with a strong sense of security feels less jealous when something suspicious happens to her marriage, and usually, the unnecessary feeling of jealousy goes away more quickly.
(2) Avoid playing games:
Games are thought to be immature for a wife; and usually immature women refer to those women who haven’t got married – when it comes to relationship issues, those girls/women often behave and respond naively, a few examples can make this point clear: a girl who falls in love with a boy can wait several hours without doing anything, just to receive her boyfriend’s text messages or want him to come on to her side; a young girl may get accustomed to blowing up at her boyfriend once his acts don’t serve her well, although her boyfriend has strived to give his best for her; or an ignorant girl may not refuse to hook up with a bad boy who is known to have multiple relationships at the same time.
Essentially, being a wife means that you have become mature enough and you will commit yourself to a trustworthy person during the rest of your life.
Remember, you are a wife in your marriage instead of a drama queen in a relationship; so you should put an end to the games that you may have used to play. For example, when you noticed that his coworker was looking at him with emotions but your husband did not react to her emotionally, you still feel an urgent need to text him to confirm whether or not he cheated on you or not, but your husband will not admire you because you spend hours waiting for his reply on this meaningless question; or as a kind of retaliation, you deliberately flirt with another man just to make him jealous, it is your problem
Anyway, to overcome your insecurity and jealousy in your marriage, don’t play games and avoid drama.
When you feel jealous of someone else that keeps in constant touch with your husband, you should take a mature approach: whatever you feel about it, be open and honest in the presence of your husband. No need to skirt around your innermost feelings. If you do so, most likely, he will be surprised about what you talk about, and he will prove to you that he doesn’t have the intention of betraying you. And if your man is also mature enough, afterward, he should go on to show you the faithfulness by taking action to avoid similar situations
(3) Don’t feel embarrassed to say what makes you jealous:
You wouldn’t feel jealousy for no reason, maybe the reason lies in your insecure nature, your emotional baggage, or his former infidelity. Probably, you are ashamed or embarrassed to open up about why you feel jealous of him, and even sometimes you also feel that you are kind of unreasonable. So probably, you choose to bottle up the feelings of jealousy all the time.
But whatever the reason is, you need to think it over in cold blood, ask yourself whether you will go on to feel insecure because of the reason; if yes, then you should sit down with your husband and tell him what makes you jealous. If your man is loving and understanding, he should accompany you and work it out together. For example, if you have always felt insecure since you found that there are some pretty girls/women at his workplace, let him know that you are holding a fear or worry that may be groundless or unnecessary because of it; understandably, you may also feel somewhat embarrassed to say it; and probably, your man feels you are too sensitive upon hearing it; but anyway, next time he has to work overtime at his office, he will feel the need to check in with you actively.
Many times, after you tell what is worrying you, you may suddenly realize that it is no big deal.
(4) Be aware that he is not your ex:
Don’t drag the sense of failure of your previous relationship into the current marriage. It is unfair for your husband.
Don’t regard your husband as those jerk men whoever hurt you emotionally.
Being affected by the unavoidable shadow of the old emotional wounds, you can easily give in to the temptation to spy on your husband; for example, you may feel the urgent need to check his phone records, social media, and emails. Even when he catches you spying on his daily activities, you may still attempt to rationalize that behavior by making up an excuse, for example, you still say unapologetically to him, “I always do it with my ex-boyfriends”. This type of behavior is unhealthy for a marital relationship, so you shouldn’t self-deception and put yourself in a bad position where doing those inappropriate things is a reasonable part of your relationship.
When you get married, it should be time to start anew. Again, the transition toward a new stage does not mean that you could hand over your heavy emotional baggage to your husband. Your husband is not your ex-husband or ex-boyfriend. Therefore, cut him some slack.
So the next time when you feel the urge to pry into your man’s affairs, you might put yourself in your husband’s shoes, and ask yourself “If I were him, would I allow my spouse to do so to me?”
(5) Appreciate yourself:
The self-doubt and emotional insecurity can make you think you are not good enough to keep your man for yourself. And you fear that he will leave you for someone else after he realizes this point. In such a situation, you need to figure out the reason why he loved you and chose to stay together with you. Whether you want to seek affirmation or appreciation, you might ask him about why he married you when you two are both relaxed. And whatever the reason is, it must be based on your unique, positive qualities; when you feel jealous of your husband, tell yourself: if he leaves you, he can also hardly find another someone like you.
(6) Trust your husband and yourself:
(6-1) You should trust your husband:
Couples can be divided by mutual suspicion and jealousy in a marriage. To have a happy marital relationship, you have no other choice but to trust. Your jealousy in marriage suggests that you want to control your husband but feel out of control; actually, it is very difficult for him to act on your feelings all the time, and an excessive attempt to control your husband only revolts him. There isn’t much about what you can do about it, and you just need to let jealousy go. Maybe, you get full control of some things in the relationship, but you must be aware that there are many more things that you have no control of. So, trust your husband, and try to act lovingly despite your feelings of insecurity and jealousy.
(6-2) You should trust yourself:
Trusting yourself is also easier said than done. It requires you to deeply love your husband without regrets. Like an anchor, your deep self-trust will help you prevent your marital relationship from floating away. This is not a matter of theory. Especially when you encounter a difficult situation in the relationship (e.g. rejection, separation, and breakup), probably you will not have enough confidence to overcome it without deep self-trust that you have already built.
(7) Stop comparing your marriage life with other people’s:
Besides being jealous of a woman that is having close contact with your husband, maybe you also feel some jealousy after comparing your relationship with other people’s relationships. When you feel jealous of someone, actually you are putting your energy into producing and developing a feeling that is solely based on your self-perception. In particular, when you persistently compare yourself with other women in unhappy marriages, you attempt to fix your feeling of insecurity in this way. But on the other hand, comparison easily dissatisfies you with the current state of your marriage, and hence you may hold someone responsible for your insecurity, and that person is very like your man. No doubt, such a feeling of jealousy can eat you up with the tendency uncontrolled.
Maybe, you are never able to live the life of someone else, and it is more realistic to live your destiny imperfectly than live an imitation of someone else’s life with perfection. So no need to waste time on being jealous of someone else’s marriage life, instead, turn your energy into the real work so that you can have more control over your life; furthermore, you need an undying belief in your potential abilities, then you should work hard on those things that can improve your self-worth. Once you start to take practical steps to fulfill yourself, you can feel the sense of inner gratification; in this way, you will naturally stop admiring or being jealous of some else’s married life.
In short, channel your energy into working on things that can bring you hope and happiness in the future, rather than continue to allow your negative emotions to consume your time and energy.
The final word:
Jealousy has its way of making an already bad situation worse and making trouble out of your husband’s innocent behavior.
As a jealous wife, most of the time, your jealousy is illogical, tense, and puts a wedge between you and your husband through your obsession, accusation, and resentment. Inevitably, every wife has to deal with jealousy in marriage at some point, but a good wife knows how to express jealousy positively, and transform jealousy into positive things (e.g. joy, trust, turn on, drive, determination, love, and so on). From your husband’s perspective, he never wants to be treated as if he is always dishonest; so try to be more sympathetic to his feelings when you feel jealous in your marriage.
To prevent jealousy from ruining your marriage, first, keep yourself in check while you are feeling a bit jealous, and then figure out the causes and solutions of your jealous behavior rather than instantly act on your jealousy.
For more tips on how to keep a marriage healthy and prevent divorce, you might go on to read the page below:
Maybe, you are also interested in the related posts below:
What a healthy marriage looks like – How to maintain a marriage.
Are you a nagging wife – How to stop nagging him.
Controlling behavior causes – How to stop being controlling in your marriage.
What should you do when your husband says he hates you?
How to deal with resentment in your marriage – Reduce resentment.