After your marriage goes a long way, romantic love tends to fade into companionship or a relationship akin to friendship.
In addition, like a lot of couples, you may also think that your marriage has become very solid, and it seems unnecessary to romance your wife again. But actually, a lot of happy couples can keep the romance alive for tens of years, and the life-long romance should be also possible for you; and you may have also become distantly aware that the loss of romance is also an aspect of potential dissatisfaction in marriage. No doubt, romance is definitely worth the investment of attention and time. Getting the romance back is also a way to get back emotional intimacy in marriage.
Why you should romance your wife again after you have been married for a long time:
A lack of romance may be to blame for a lot of issues in your marriage, such as lack of emotional sexual intimacy. Why romance is important for your wife? For a woman, romance signifies love. Being romantic with your wife is a way to show you value and care for her. Likewise, when you stop it, she easily feels unloved and ignored; and then she may consider stopping caring and valuing you in the way that you desire her to use. In the eyes of your wife, doing so is fair and equitable.
Besides that, if she feels as if you no longer care about her, she may emotionally withdraw in the relationship. That means the loss of loving feelings reduces her willingness to connect with you. The constant lack of romance may bring out her hurt, angry, and sadness, which can cause a wide range of marital problems.
Obviously, women think romance is the basis of a happy long-term relationship, but men don’t take it so seriously. Moreover, husbands and wives have very different views on being romantic with each other. Before trying to romance your wife again, be aware of this difference, and here is a brief explanation:
In general, husbands want their wives to show support, understanding, and interest in order to romance with their wives. Furthermore, they expect their wives to open up and actively talk about what they desire. Wives, on the other hand, expect their husbands to diversify ways to give them the care and concern, and they also want their husbands to show initiative to do so. That is to say, romance loses its meaning when wives have to remind their husbands to show them how to love them.
If you have no idea how to be romantic with your wife, the following are 6 tips:
(1) Give her a surprise:
You must have watched a lot of romantic movies, and you must have ever been impressed by the plots that a guy surprises a girl with dinner, flowers, or something extravagant. When you have no idea how to romance your wife again, keep in mind that the essence of romance is uncertainty – doing things that can please someone without this person having to tell the other one to how to do.
Being romantic does not require you to set the world on fire. Perhaps, you may surprise your wife with her favorite food, or you may surprise her by running her bath water without informing her in advance. In short, it is a good idea to pick up those things that you know well she is in need of. Whether those things are small or big, it is very likely that your wife will appreciate the unexpected gestures of your love for her.
(2) Be chivalrous:
A woman longs to have a man who can make her feel like a real woman, and generally, a chivalrous man can well meet her needs. Chivalrous men are respectful and courteous towards women, this type of men would love to do those small but significant acts that women appreciate, such as opening doors for her, sparing his seat for her, kissing her hand, and guiding her through crowds. In a nutshell, after you learn how to make your wife feel like a woman again, you are about to earn more points in the romance stakes.
(3) Romance your wife sexually:
Sex is always a dispensable aspect that you can show your wife romance. In order to make sex romantic with your wife, you need to learn to care more about sexual intimacy rather than simply do the act of sex. Surely, don’t pretend that you don’t much mind sex as well, otherwise, your wife may assume that you regard sex as a game; she wants you to take it seriously. Actually sex is never a simple game between you and your wife; during sex, you should let her realize her mind, as well as her whole body, is exactly what you seek; and meanwhile, don’t be stingy about your words for expressing your strong feelings of pleasure and enjoyment.
And it must be pointed out that males and females view foreplay much differently:
Most men view it as a dispensable part of sex, hence they tend to skip foreplay or rush through foreplay, but sexual foreplay is often taken for granted by women when it comes to sex; your wife may want soft kissing, touching, and caressing, while you are ready to have sex. This is another key point that you are supposed to remember. In a wife’s mind, holding her hands and hugging is probably the sexual foreplay that she doesn’t want her man to skip, just like oral sex. Therefore, if you want to please her really, you might as well start with those simple acts (e.g. touching her leg, and holding her hands), then move on to intense acts. For a woman, sexual foreplay acts as a switch to turn on or off her, and she defines it as a sexual and romantic activity that warms up her for sex. So try to make your wife experience sexual foreplay fully before sex;
Make a point to stroke her mind during foreplay:
When she becomes stressed, or has other unpleasant things on her mind, it will be difficult to set her in the mood. Therefore, the purpose of foreplay should be to turn her mind on. As romance is partly about creating excitement in her, an important task you should do is to get her to focus on you as well as the intimate relationship with you. For example, you may remind your wife of an unforgettable night that you spent together, and then she may not resist pondering on that night. Remember, the more you turn your wife’s mind on during foreplay, the more her body is going to follow during sex.
(4) Side with her:
I bet you must have ever heard of one type of romantic words like “wherever you go, I will go with you”, “no matter where you are, I will always be with you”, “no matter which choice you make, I will be behind you.”, and “whatever decision you make, I will support you.” When your wife feels that you always offer your valuable support without hesitation to her at the critical moment, she can feel romance in the relationship. Maybe you do not appreciate this tip about how to romance your wife, but you can not deny that it has a good effect in making her feel romantic.
And in your married life, there are many things that you can do to show support to her; when she works hard but still fails to finish something eventually, you might recognize her efforts with kind words; even you might stand up for her when she is in conflict with other people (such as strangers, friends, and even family members); unless you can’t agree with her at all, you might prefer to stand by her when she differs from other people; taking her side means you really care about her. It not only makes her feel the love from you but also sort of gives her a sense that you are becoming romantic again in the relationship. It shows that you support her emotionally and accept her flaws/faults, and what’s more, it gives her the strength that she desires in a romantic relationship; thus, this act is a romance card that you can play well most of the time.
(5) Be honest with her:
No woman likes a dishonest man. It is definitely wrong to be dishonest in a romantic relationship. Dishonesty just makes it hard to sustain a romantic relationship. If your romantic relationship is built on dishonesty, then one day your wife may feel that your romantic words are nothing but lies and poison. As your wife tastes your dishonesty, the alarm will immediately start to go off in her head; eventually, it will lead to a great loss of emotional intimacy in the relationship. Remember, your habitual lying can ruin your romance. Therefore, to avoid alarms in her head due to the suspicion about your dishonesty, you should keep honest with her. If possible, in the presence of your wife, express clearly how you feel without hiding anything.
Understandably, it seems super difficult to be honest with your wife, and sometimes it is struggling to find the right words to express your feelings and opinion. However, you have to learn how to be honest without hurting your wife. For more tips on how to handle difficult conversations with your wife, you might go on to read the posts below to improve your communication techniques:
How to have effective communication in marriage.
4 annoying habits that cause communication barriers in marriage.
(6) Send love notes and romantic messages:
There are a lot of ways to communicate your love. Sending love notes may be the easiest way to show romance to your wife. For example, you may leave love notes during the lunch break, or leave a sticky note on the mirror after she has a bath; within the content, you may express that you are thinking of her, or that all the things you desire to do with her at the moment. This type of little but unexpected expression of love is often considered romantic for her.
Likewise, it is also a good idea to send romantic text messages. And here are some examples of romantic love messages:
- You filled the emptiness in my heart.
- I feel so blessed to have a wife like you.
- You are the only woman who would like to grow old with me.
- I’m lucky to have such a loving and caring mother for my kids.
- You are my morning start.
- Without you by my side, I don’t know who I am.
- When you need me most, I will always be here.
- My life has been blessed by you. I’m deeply thankful.
- You are the only woman who refreshed my soul.
- Your smile warms my heart.
- Your presence makes me whole.
- You have changed my world since you entered my life.
- If I had to choose my partner again, I would still choose you.
…
In short, when your messages make her think that you are a passionate and loving man, she naturally feels the romance.
The final word:
Any mismatch between your libido and your her can lead to the flagging sex life. But anyway, don’t be frustrated, it is possible to give her the kind of romance she desires that allows her to enjoy her body and yours more often and with more pleasure.
Women are sensual creatures; in love relationships, they want intimacy, connection, sensation, and pleasure as much as their men do. And even though a woman resists her man, probably she still secretly wants him to have the skill and vision to guide her into new and electrifying experiences.
If you need a detailed “operating manual” on how to romance your wife again, you might go on to read the page below; it will tell you a series of easy-to-do actions are “romance” to her mind:
When your woman says, ”Romance me!” Here is what she really means – Entice her back into the bedroom
Maybe, you are also interested in the related posts below:
How to flirt with your wife – Bring flirting back into your marriage.
7 tips on how to get back emotional intimacy in marriage.
How to keep sex alive in your marriage – Common mistakes in bed.
How to keep your marriage alive – Maintain a happy long term marriage.
What a wife needs in a marriage – Basic needs of a woman.
How to make your wife feel appreciated – Keep these in mind.