He seemed distant the past couple of days or weeks, he has stopped long phone conversations with you recently or he hasn’t called you as often as before, maybe you sense that he becomes so suddenly withdrawn that he just answers your texts with several simple words. In this case, you must be confused about how to react to his silent treatment.
If you need some help for getting out of the trouble, here are 8 basic tips on what to do when your husband ignores you:
1 Take some time to cool off:
Give your husband permission to calm down. Both of you need to pause for some amount of time to reflect on what caused the present situation, especially if the silence time was preceded by a fight, emotional outburst, or argument. As the receiving side, you must have felt angry or frustrated about his silent treatment or stonewalling, and you also need enough time to calm down yourself. So allow each other a cooling-off period that may last for several days or even weeks.
2 Be ready for the reconnection:
Surely, if he continues to give the silent treatment to you, you will have no choice but to keep giving him more time and space to think. But if you sense that he wants to talk to you, first, show appreciation for his willingness to reinforce positive behavior and share more with you, and this change is conducive to initiating a productive dialogue.
Although he is still ignoring you, sooner or later, the two of you will have to talk to each other again; so you should be ready for the connection in advance. At that juncture, you should let him understand his passive-aggressive behavior has inflicted damage to the relationship. And in order to effectively prevent him from giving the silent treatment to you, you had better not fully reconnect with him unless he acknowledges the hurt caused by his silent treatment and takes the responsibility that he should have.
3 No need to apologize unless you feel truly sorry:
Maybe, when he suddenly becomes silent, you assume that his silent treatment is an outcome of something you did that makes him feel disgusted/angry/upset…, so you feel the need to apologize even though you are not sure of what exactly makes him feel that way. Yes, many people apologize a lot in their married life, they still apologize for something even though it is not their fault; but it doesn’t quite mean the same thing here.
When your husband gives you the silent treatment, you don’t need to apologize unless you figure out a certain thing is indeed your fault. Otherwise, how can you have a connected and authentic relationship by being false? Instead, in this situation, you might try to empathize with him by expressing your understanding and showing your willingness to bridge the gap between you and him.
If you are sure that his passive-aggressive behavior is caused by your wrongdoings, a proposal is to walk up to him and humbly apologize to him. This is easier said than done. In a marriage, a sincere apology is more than saying “I’m sorry”; by the way, a lot of married women do not know how to be humble and honest when standing in front of their men. But no doubt a sincere apology makes it hard for him to keep ignoring you.
4 Keep cool and stay positive:
Now that he ignores you, you should focus on yourself regardless of his negative attitude towards you. The longer you stay in the midst of relationship drama, the more likely you are to be tempted to lose yourself. A good way to react to his silent treatment is to remain calm and stay positive.
Your man knows well that he is deliberately treating you in a negative and cold attitude; but when he notices that you still try to keep positive whether you are around him or not, sooner or later he will give more attention and appreciation to you. A positive mental attitude is an important part of any attractive personality, and no man wants his woman to be a person who often has a pessimistic, passive, and hopeless outlook.
During the time of silence, try to surround yourself with positive vibes. Vibes can be contagious, so you might be around those confident, optimistic, happy, and inspiring people. In doing so, your man is more likely to be attracted by your good vibes. Nobody can be in a state of permanent depression. After all, everyone wants to receive a dose of happiness at some point in daily life. Hence, if you can not help him reduce emotions that are disrupting him, you might give him plenty of alone time to let himself walk out of the valley of mood; at this point, you just need to stay calm and keep positive.
And you might also spend some alone time for spiritual growth. For example, you might work out a plan to finish taking a hike or reading a new book. You see, in the world, so many people choose to be with themselves or reinvent themselves by amusing themselves. So, don’t mope around during this time of silence, there are still many meaningful things that you can do to enrich yourself, and that can help you stay positive in your married life.
5 Create space between you:
When your husband gives you the silent treatment, it is very likely that he feels overconfident or too secure in the relationship. He takes it for granted that you will be there for him all the time regardless of what he can do to you, so he thinks that there is no need for him to have high regard for you. Sometimes, he actually knows well that you are dying to communicate with him, and yet he just deliberately doesn’t acknowledge that sometimes he also needs you too. In such a situation, you are advised to try to keep him at a distance; once he feels that he starts to lose the grip on you, he is going to realize that he should be more invested in you.
6 Try to be more kind to him even though you are reluctant to do it:
Try to do something for him without expecting anything in return. Accept the fact that sometimes he feels kind of dull and tired in the marriage when something outside the marriage bothers him; in this situation, you may try to show kindness to him as much as possible. For example, when he is supposed to accomplish a task for the family but you notice that he feels awfully low and discouraged, you might allow him more time to finish it, or you might finish it by some means or other; and no need to force him to finish it within the time you specify. By being kind to him, he can realize that you are giving him more space to process his own feelings.
In addition, you might try to catch him being good. For example, if he gives you an unexpected time for conversation or gives you an unexpected compliment, do not forget to say thank you, and seize the chance to give him a kiss, hug, or other extra affection. In this way, he is more willing to get close to you.
7 Meet his secret needs:
If you feel that your husband starts to ignore you without a reason, there is a likelihood that his some secret needs are not met by you; so if you don’t know what to do when your husband ignores you, try to think about whether there is something that he wishes to get or earn from you.
In a marriage, there exists something (e.g. respect, admiration, and appreciation) that a husband secretly wants his woman to give or show him voluntarily, and those needs are easy to sour if he speaks them out and asks her to meet them. Don’t think that a man just simply wants money, sex, and love in the marriage; if you want to gain a deeper understanding of your man’s emotional needs, you might go on to read the posts below:
What a husband expects from his wife in marriage – A man’s needs.
What every man secretly wants – How to make him devoted to you.
8 Confront him about his passive-aggressive behavior:
Just like you would confront a toddler who refuses to talk with you, you should do the same in your relationship with him. Constant ignoring and avoiding can not settle anything. Ultimately, you have to confront him face to face, but you must be careful of how you do it; after all, you don’t intend to make things worse. When confronting him, you should simply point out that he has withdrawn again and again and that you expect him to talk out the problems that he kept inside; if he still hesitates to confide in you, you may discuss with him the possibility that whether the two of you could give and take to reach a certain agreement on some critical relationship issues;
Furthermore, calling out his behavior may solicit his defensiveness or can be a turn-off for him, but it indicates that you have realized the recent change in his behavior; so it is still necessary; while you are doing it, you can share your feelings but make sure not to use any emotional, inflammatory or accusatory language, and let him fully feel that you have the patience to wait for his explanation.
For more tips, you might go on to read the post below:
8 tips on how to deal with a passive-aggressive spouse.
The final word:
His silent treatment can be thought as a form of emotional abuse, and ultimately this manipulation tactic will deeply hurt both sides in the marriage (in addition to leaving important issues unresolved, his silent treatment can make you feel worthless, confused, frustrated, angry, unloved, and unimportant).
In order to get him to stop ignoring you as soon as possible, make sure to maintain open communication with him. If you are being frequently or constantly ignored in your marriage, this can be a warning sign that some serious problems have arisen in your marriage. Anyway, you should try your best to deal with his passive-aggressive behavior pattern rather than allow it to go on developing.
There can be many reasons why he ignores you; you need to exactly figure out what the situation is, and then you can take more targeted measures to stop his silent treatment.
To help you better understand why your husband distances himself from you, you might go on to read the post below:
Why your husband is distant – How to stop him from being distant.
And it is struggling for both spouses to live in a connection-starved marriage; especially when you are on the receiving end of the silent treatment, you must have deeply felt that it is painful to endure the silent treatment; and the longer the disconnection continues, the more the relationship suffers.
Sometimes a man can be emotionally elusive in married life – He may shut down when it seems like he ought to open up. Probably now your man gets emotionally unavailable, bored, and distant, but meanwhile, you are also feeling hurt, confused, or angry; and if you both break the connection, the intimacy will continue to slip away.
But anyway, if you are clear that you want to heal the connection-starved marriage and that you want to win his love, attention, and devotion for the married life, you might go on to watch the video below to follow the comprehensive guidance that is offered by Brad Browning, a marriage coach with 12+ years of experience:
Maybe, you are also interested in the related posts below:
8 tips on how to deal with a passive-aggressive spouse.
How to deal with an emotionally distant husband – Make him open up.
How to deal with resentment in your marriage – Reduce resentment.
What should you do when your husband says he hates you.
How to survive an emotionally disconnected marriage.
How to get your separated husband back – Prevent divorce.
Suspicious signs your husband has emotionally checked out.