Do you feel that your husband is no longer emotionally invested in your marriage as he used to be? Do you feel that he seems to avoid intimacy with you deliberately? Do you feel that he has been emotionally disengaged or non-communicative for a period? And do you feel that he suddenly becomes a stranger? I bet you are feeling kind of frustrated right now. But everything happens for a reason; to stop him from being distant, first you should try to better understand him.
The following highlights the possible reasons why your husband is distant:
(1) He is stressed:
Excessive stress can take a toll on someone; maybe your husband gets stressed without letting you know. So you might ask him how his job is going and give comfort to him, or you might do your best to help him lighten his pressure on his life and work. For example, you might do more than of your share of the daily household affairs. The less stressed he feels, the more energy he can put into your marriage.
For more tips on how to be supportive when your husband is stressed out, you might go on to read the post below:
How to support your husband when he is stressed out.
(2) He does not feel unappreciated:
You must know well that a woman wants his man to appreciate her in a love relationship; likewise, a man also constantly looks for appreciation from his woman. So, have you already taken it for granted that your husband should do everything for you and the family? Even though you put him down, you can’t deny a fact – he sacrifices so much for the family, he makes great efforts to improve the marriage life; but many times he may prefer to take a back seat when you want to take the lead to deal with important matters. Usually, he does not openly say to you that he wants to receive recognition and appreciation from you; and if you have not expressed appreciation to him for a long time, maybe now it is time to take some actions to let him know that you genuinely appreciate his continued, silent, hard work for the entire family.
For more tips, you might go on to read the post below:
How to make your husband feel appreciated – Show him appreciation.
(3) He feels insecure:
If you aspire to be a modern wonder woman in your world and you always work hard towards this goal, he may feel hurt by your willpower and ability to control and achieve things in your own life and career. Don’t forget that your man also has insecurity and that he needs validation. To stop his insecurity, you need to show more care and attention to him no matter how busy you are.
(4) You pin the blame on him:
This is a common reason why a man becomes emotionally distant. If your man thinks that you are hyper-critical and mean and that you like to shift blame away from you onto him, probably he will manage to sidestep you. Hence, if he fails to meet your satisfaction when doing something that matters to you, don’t instantly pin the blame on him; you might work together with him to solve problems, or simply remind him to make corrections in time, rather than blame him for everything that goes wrong.
By the way, if you wonder how to keep your man committed when he fails you, you might go on to read the post below:
What to do when your husband fails you – Keep him committed.
(5) He is addicted to pornography:
No doubt, pornography addiction is a kind of behavior that can keep completely hidden from anyone, and it easily distorts a true relationship. If your man is hooked on pornography, he may lose interest in you significantly; especially during sex, you can easily notice that she becomes emotionally distant. So if your man is suffering from pornography addiction, you should let him know that his porn addiction is destroying the marriage, and encourage him to seek a way to be free from pornography.
(6) He is tired:
Perhaps he works longer hours, or perhaps he works harder at home to help you lighten the load without letting you realize it… Whatever makes him tired, after he gets out of that thing, he may want to have some relaxed time to himself. Cite a typical instance: if a man gets tired, he may make a beeline for the bedroom once he comes back home; in this case, no need to dwell on why your husband is distant at that moment, the fact is simple – he just wants to have a rest.
(7) He feels depressed constantly:
You may not find in time that your husband becomes depressed about something; but once you confirm he is depressed, you should encourage him to share his concerns and thoughts, let him fully feel that you are always there for him whatever happens; a lot of married men would like to face painful things alone, but as a wife, you should let your husband understand that you are a team that can work together to tackle all the issues in married life.
(8) You are depressed:
Your sudden change may produce an unexpected effect on your man, especially if he fails to understand why you are feeling depressed. While you are thinking he is distant and cold, maybe he is also thinking that you are closing yourself off deliberately. In this situation, you two have trouble in reading each other’s mind. The key to clearing up this misunderstanding is to enhance communication by letting him exactly understand what is happening to you.
(9) He feels that you don’t put him first:
Look at your own life, and ask yourself what is important to you. If you are a career woman, you must be busy and have to split up the time for work and life. Surely, it is not wrong to be a busy woman, but make sure to let him feel that you always prioritize the relationship over anything. If he doesn’t receive your attention and love for a period, there is a tendency that he will grow distant.
(10) You don’t show enough love to her:
It is well known that women are much more concerned about emotions in a relationship than men, but you should not ignore that men are also emotional and expect to feel loved. When your husband feels emotionally distant, there is a likelihood that something goes wrong with communication between you two; in this case, you should make yourself more open and willing to share your feelings about him; meanwhile, he will also be more talkative after you show him more appreciation and love that he deserves. Remember, without communication, no one can read a person’s mind accurately all the time. If necessary, set up a regular time to communicate with each other’s deep feelings. Anytime, don’t finish this type of conversation in a rush; otherwise, he can hardly be mentally prepared to engage in the conversation.
(11) He is afraid of losing something:
Being with you may involve certain lost opportunity costs (such as lost earnings or time) that he has not been mentally prepared to give up. Usually, this fear is subconscious, but it can significantly intensify the relationship; when he feels that the marriage becomes everything of his life, he may be touched by a strange sense of panic – every time he commits to doing one thing for you, he fears whether he is giving up something that could have been kept. This fear typically arises at the beginning of marriage from time to time.
Getting married inevitably causes a wide range of personal changes, but you should let him fully understand that you both have to sacrifice a lot for the marriage and that he is not the only one who has to give up something that he enjoys before marriage; what is more, by making changes, you two can have more space for the unknown future to fill up it with yet-to-come surprise; after he thoroughly understands those changes, I bet he can calm down gradually and accept them eventually.
(12) He doesn’t feel happy or settled with his career:
Unlike women, men have a one-track mind. And generally, men have more concerns about their careers than women; if he has difficulty in doing his job or is struggling to identify his career purpose, probably he will temporarily pull away from his relationship to focus efforts on handling his work-related problems.
Women easily make a big mistake in their marriages – they push for more of their men’s attention and time while their men are burying themselves in work. A man tends to use the achievements in his work as an underpinning for his confidence in other aspects of his life. A man’s success begins with hard work and the sincerity of purpose, and then he can move outward. If he is lack of confidence in work, this will poison his relationship. So it is important for him to feel accomplished at work before he deals with the relationship with you.
As explained above, if you find your husband struggling with his work, beware of him, and remind yourself that the increasing pressure from you can push him over the edge. Hence, don’t ask your husband for more attention while he is trying to adjust himself to his work; the more pressure you exert on him at this stage, the more likely he will distance himself from you or even remove himself from the relationship completely.
(13) There exists family tension:
Yes, marriage means you get married to him, not his family; but your marriage is closely associated with your respective families. For example, if he can’t get along well with your family members, the prospect of having a happy long term marriage is not so favorable. Sometimes, a man chooses to drag his heels on moving forward in the relationship with his woman who always can’t fit into his family picture, even if he loves her.
The final word on his distancing:
It is normal that your husband pulls away emotionally at some point; but if this persists for a prolonged time, the long-lasting pain of insecurity, mistrust, anger, and loneliness can contribute to a thought of separation or even divorce. This chronic distance reveals the failure to honestly discuss and address a certain weakness in the relationship; however, it can be uncovered and resolved through each other’s hard efforts to grow in virtues (such as kindness and generosity), stopping him from being distant can be viewed as another shift goes from “me” to “we”; and during this healing process, the two of you can also strengthen friendship and teamwork in your marriage.
If you want to better understand why your husband is distant and get more practical tips about what to do when he acts distant, you might go on to rread the page below to adopt more suggestions from Brad Browning, a marriage coach with 12+ years of experience:
Maybe, you are also interested in the posts below:
How to deal with an emotionally distant husband – Make him open up.
Signs your husband is pulling away – Why he seems distant?
What does it mean when you feel like your husband hates you?
What to do when he ignores you – How to react to his silent treatment.
6 tips on how to get your husband to be more affectionate.