A lot of women are often supportive, positive, and encouraging when they sense that a person around them is feeling down. They are so willing to cheer that person up. Surely, that is wonderful, and a man also values having a woman like that in his life.
But many women’s supportive nature backfires on them, particularly in long-term committed relationships. Of course, a man doesn’t always appreciate a motivational speech that his woman can give him, and he doesn’t necessarily need help to feel better all the time. But this doesn’t mean that a man doesn’t need his woman’s emotional support, especially when he is having a chaotic day; for example, he may feel stressed because something goes sideways at his work, his car suddenly broke down, or his family of origin comes up with some misfortune, and then he naturally goes into the problem-solving mode, and he may suddenly become an introverted man who speaks little, withdraws, and even ignores people around him (including his woman); in this case, men also secretly want their women to support them in the manner they desire, but most women do not know how to be comforting.
So let’s talk about what a woman should help her man when he is stressed out:
Everyone wishes to be always happy and have fun. That is why we like to use social media to capture the highlights of our lives and share them with other people online. And it seems that a huge number of social media accounts are full of interesting and funny posts; the information in social media often makes us think that other people’s lives are much more exciting. But actually, everyone experiences hard times at some point; and most people think it is inappropriate to socially share those hard things, not to mention advertising what they are suffering from in daily life. Especially for a man in a marital relationship, he is so good at concealing what he is thinking when he is stressed out;
Generally, for a woman, when her girlfriends are going through difficult times, she is willing to be there for them, and she badly wants to know what trouble they are in; if they choose to hide it from her, she tends to feel as if they don’t treat her as a good friend. Likewise, when she is stressed out, she tends to seek empathy as well as relational connection. And she also feels compelled to find a trusted friend to talk to on bad days. But if the same event or situation happens to a good friend of the opposite sex (including her husband), probably she will misunderstand him because of the sharply different ways of handling stress between women and men.
As a woman, you need to understand how differently men and women respond to stress:
The research found that a man is more hard-wired to either fight or flee when he is under stress. And in a love relationship, when a man is stressed out, he may get argumentative with his woman just because of things that are going bad, or he may withdraw to his own cave, uttering with a grunt. By contrast, a woman chooses to befriend herself; when she feels overwhelmed by stress, she often talks it through with others or engages in self-care activities (e.g. shopping, and going out to have dinner) to release stress. And a woman may assume that her own way to manage stress can suit her man too, and then trouble arises when she asks him to manage stress the same way she does.
A woman can realize that something goes wrong when her man suddenly gets quiet and distant, but probably he is unwilling to open up to her at the moment, and he just finds excuses to avoid communicating with her. The wall of resistance can make her feel hurt, and even drive her mad. In her view, she believes that clarity and honesty should be the foundation of a long-lasting relationship and that a married couple should feel free to talk to each other especially when a party runs into trouble.
Usually, when a man feels like a failure (maybe he does not accept his failure, and no men want others to think that he is a failure, even though he realizes that he has already been on the verge of failing), he tends to withhold from his woman the truth. And he naturally acts that way. Why? From boyhood, a boy has been educated to fight hard whatsoever; parents constantly tell their boys not to mind challenges as long as there is still a chance of winning. But what an adult man is going through is entirely not what he was going through during childhood, this makes him doubt himself and make him look like a failure. Anyway, he does not want his significant half to see those doubts. At that point, the only thing that his woman can do to keep him going may be to stick to her belief in him.
For a husband, he thinks complaining to his woman is out of the question no matter what difficulties he is meeting with. Again, when confronted with overwhelming problems, men don’t like to whine; instead, they would rather grit their teeth and forge ahead. But many times, a wife demands to know why her husband is unwilling to communicate with her when he is stressed out because she insists that a loving couple should share everything. So what will he respond in such a situation? The more she asks him to tell her what is wrong, the more stressed he feels. And in addition to his instinct that provokes his fight-or-flight response at the moment, the stress that his woman continuously exerts also further sets him in the fight-or-flight mode. To some extent, she makes him feel more anxious and stressed.
So how to deal with your husband when he is stressed out? 4 tips can be summarized as follows:
- Don’t push your man to talk:
When you realize that something is bothering your man but he just doesn’t want to talk about it, you might let him figure it out and handle it on his own. Let him hand stress in the way that he is naturally inclined to. And it has been mentioned that women and men handle stress differently, and it is hard to say which way is better. When your man is stressed out, he gets very pragmatic, he tries to repress his emotions to allocate more mental space for finding a solution, and probably any other people’s emotions only get in the way of his problem-solving at that time.
- Let him feel that you still rely on him:
You should manage to let him feel that you support him and you still rely on him. For example, in a quiet moment, you might ask him to help you with something that he can accomplish, such as moving the furniture, repairing the leaky faucet, and fixing the engine noise of your car; and don’t forget to show appreciation for him after he finishes it. In doing so, your man is more likely to feel better.
In a word, when he is stressed out, you might try to give him something that he can win at; at that point, what he wants from you is more than just pep talks; he also wants to receive appreciation and admiration from you.
- Giving him more mental space:
Sometimes, it means talking about something else; sometimes it means providing a fun distraction; and sometimes it means leaving him in peace.
When he is stressed out, he wants more free space from you – more specifically, he wants you to give him more mental space to deal with those problems that are stressing him; by accepting the way he prefers to manage stress, he can feel that you are supporting him.
- Be more affectionate, compassionate, and encouraging:
By showing more affection and compassion, let your man feel that you are always there for him whenever he wants your assistance or just needs your ear. When he is stressed out and doesn’t want to talk to you, don’t be judgmental with him; instead, just try to say some encouraging, kind words like, “I know your feeling.”, and ”I trust you will be fine.” Probably, he thinks he can solve the problems that put him into trouble, or that there is nothing you can to do to help him; in this case, your spiritual encouragement is enough for him.
The final word:
For a man, feeling stressed out in a marriage is like a stab in the gut. And the wound can persist for a long period if nothing is done about it. And as a wife, if you don’t have an effective strategy for dealing with your husband when he is stressed out and needs your support the most, you two can end up butting heads. No doubt, every man also hopes to have a woman that can truly understand and support him.
To learn more about how to win your man’s attention, love, and total devotion, you might go on to watch the video below to follow the comprehensive guidance that is offered by Brad Browning, a marriage coach with 12+ years of experience:
Maybe, you are also interested in the related posts below:
How to deal with an emotionally distant husband – Make him open up.
What to do when your husband fails you – Keep him committed.
How to make your husband feel appreciated – Show him appreciation.
How to deal with your man’s ego – The male ego in marriage.
The 5 most important emotional needs of a man – Meet his needs.
What every man secretly wants – How to make him devoted to you.