You must feel kind of paranoid and anxious when your husband seems to be pulling away. Maybe, you are not sure whether he is withdrawing emotionally or whether your inner insecurities are acting up. More often than not, a woman panics prematurely when she thinks her man is emotionally pulling away, or when she assumes her man lost interest in her. However, sometimes, a man’s seemingly suspicious behavior is normal and unrelated to his feelings for her. Anyway, you have to admit that it is not an easy thing to see into your man’s mind, although you may have lived together with him for many years.
The following talks about 7 suspicious signs your husband is pulling away:
1 He no longer responds to you timely:
When your husband is pulling away emotionally, he may not answer your phone at times, he may not respond to your text messages instantly, and he may deliberately call back hours or even days later.
When you sense that your husband becomes less responsive to your affection in general, it is noteworthy. Yet a lot of women unnecessarily feel panic as soon as their men don’t call back or text back in time. It is possible that sometimes their men can’t respond timely due to unexpected reasons; sadly, those women blow the occasional or temporary situations out of proportion, and meanwhile, their men may not realize its impact on their relationships.
Furthermore, women usually think it is quite normal to do multiple things at the same time, but men are typically goal-oriented and single-minded. Hence if your man is talking with his colleagues or busy with an important project, he may not call/text you right back as usual. Again, a man usually does not like to multitask in the way a woman likes to do.
2 He distances himself from you:
Do you feel that he no longer opens up to you like before? Do you feel that he is no longer attentive to you as well as your needs? Does he seem more guarded than before? Yes, when your husband is pulling away, he may behave that way. However, it is also possible that your man just simply wants some distance but that you do not timely know what he means; in that situation, you may easily feel distanced from him just because certain things may demand the bulk of his attention at times, such as finishing his work before the deadline, raising young kids, and looking after a sick family member.
Moreover, you need to understand that there is a significant difference between women and men in ways of handling things. Usually, when a woman encounters a tough problem, she is very likely to actively seek support from people who are closest to her. However, when a man has the same problem, he tends to retreat and handle it alone first. This point may be hard for you to understand and accept.
As a woman who is always there for him, you just want to be a source of comfort for him, and you always act with good intentions. Of course, you can give your man support when he needs you. But sometimes your man just wants you to give him some space, and he does not want you to interfere with him. Understandably, you always feel natural to provide constant support to good girlfriends around you. However, if you treat your husband as a same-sex friend who always appreciates your kind support, his strong and urgent need for space may make you uncomfortable from time to time, and hence you may misinterpret it as one of the signs your husband is pulling away emotionally.
3 He is blowing hot and cold:
Every spouse expects consistency in a marriage; however, one spouse may not be as consistent as the other one; and if you are in a marital relationship with a man who runs hot and cold, you will be at his mercy unless you get a grip on yourself; and you may realize that his feelings for you change unexpectedly and frequently; maybe one minute he is highly attentive to you, but the next minute you feel like he is fed up with you. This can feel so jarring. For example, when he is recalling an unhappy experience with you, he may suddenly become cold towards you; what is worse, he is often unwilling to talk with you about those things that are upsetting him.
The hot and cold behavior may indicate his ambivalence, which means he may have a nagging feeling that he is not sure of how he exactly feels about you. When he is blowing hot and cold, first of all, you should allow him to process his feelings on his own, and there is no need to urgently question him intensely.
It is indeed difficult to get along with a man that runs hot and cold, especially when he does not want to give you an apparent reason or explanation. When your husband is emotionally pulling away from you, he may be afraid of being close to you, so he consciously pulls away once he feels that you come too close. The hot and cold behavior can leave you anxious and confused, and you may be tempted to soothe your feelings by “chasing” him. For example, when your husband suddenly acts coldly towards you, you are sorely tempted to keep him interested in you, and hence you attempt to communicate with him more, show him more affection, and become more focused on him.
Hot and cold behavior is very likely one of the signs your husband is pulling away emotionally; but there are also exceptions: sometimes he becomes hot and cold just because something outside the marriage (e.g. changes in his work, and his family issues) is bothering him, that means his hot and cold behavior has nothing to do with you; in that case, he should come back to you afterward; anyway, when you sense that he is hot and cold, you had better ignore the instinct to chase, and keep your distance so that he can feel that you are giving him enough space; remember, the more you chase him, the further he pushes you away at that time.
4 He no longer argues with you:
Conflicts and arguments are unavoidable in any long term relationship. Maybe the two of you argued with each other from time to time. But right now your husband looks as if he is no longer concerned about you as well as any issues which are related to you, let alone talk with you. For example, when he notices that you forgot to turn off the water tap again, but he shuts his eyes to it and walks away, and just lets the water continuously flow; when the same thing happened before, he used to turn off the water tap instantly and then repeatedly gave you a serious reminder that you should not waste resources anytime, and maybe you even argued with him over such a trivial matter because you just thought he rambled on too much.
Surely, if every problem between you and your husband seems to end in a heated screaming match, it means you are enmeshed in some toxic relationship dynamics. And it is a required course for every spouse to learn how to deal with conflict in marriage, you are also not exceptional. And as long as you can grasp fair fighting rules, arguments can be a normal part of the relationship. If your husband has no willingness to argue with you regardless of issues, probably it indicates that he is no longer emotionally invested in the relationship.
Although fighting is not a productive part of a marital relationship, at least it means both spouses put energy into the relationship. Couples fight when they care; when one spouse loses interest in the other one and doesn’t expect to be seen and heard, he/she naturally feels no need to fight in the relationship.
5 He no longer initiates conversations:
I bet you still remember that he used to suggest valuable plans to you to improve the family life and that he used to take the initiative to send sweet text messages to please you. But now he seems no longer interested in doing those things for you. And you may realize that he is much less motivated to make advances to you and reassure you of his feelings for you; in particular, you strongly feel that seldom has he chatted with you spontaneously in recent days.
When a man values his love relationship and doesn’t want his woman to misunderstand him, he initiates conversations with her regularly. On the contrary, when he is pulling away emotionally, he stops. Surely, it is also possible that he has been in the established relationship for many years, and thereby he just gets lazy about the old routines. But even so, that is also not a good sign of a healthy relationship. When your husband thinks he has settled into a routine with you, he may think that there is no need to make a further effort to please you. Surely, from a wife’s perspective, you also do not expect him to court you every day, yet you still want him to treat you the way you truly deserve. Many marriages struggle because of lack of communication; no doubt, open and regular communication is the key component of a long-lasting relationship, so you might let him know that you expect him to keep initiating conversations with you like before.
By the way, if you want to get more tips about how to make your husband more willing to communicate with you, you might go on to read the posts below:
how to have effective communication in marriage.
4 annoying habits that cause communication barriers in marriage.
6 He often ignores your requests:
It is not wrong to ask for what you want from your husband. After all, he can’t always read your mind correctly. In other words, when you ask for his attention and affection, if he gets accustomed to ignoring your requests, it is very likely that he has emotionally checked out of the relationship; and if you feel like you have to nag him for more attention and affection, it means that he is losing interest in you. In a healthy relationship, a partner’s needs of gaining the other one’s support, attention or affection should be met in an affirming or positive way. But once a relationship becomes strained, one party often ignores the other one’s reasonable requests and even gives negative responses.
Moreover, when a man is pulling away emotionally, he does not seem particularly regretful or torn up about the lack of connection. This is not to say that he has never felt grief or sad about the deterioration of the relationship; before his woman senses that he is pulling away, he may have already processed that type of feeling and let it go.
7 He cancels on you for many reasons:
Do you notice that “I am busy” has become his cliché excuse of canceling plans that are involved with you? When a man becomes reluctant to approach his woman, he can come up with different reasons for his avoidance. He may say that he has to work, see his friends, or go to the gym… Whatever the reason is, it shows that he has knocked her off his priority list.
It is certainly rude to frequently cancel plans. For a man who cares about his woman, he makes her a priority all the time. So, if you are sure that recently he has canceled on you for a lot of reasons or for many times, it should be viewed as one of the suspicious signs your husband is pulling away.
The final word:
If your husband is pulling away emotionally, more or less, you can catch suspicious signs like above; anyway, there is no need to rush to a conclusion that he is pulling away from you after you see him acting suspiciously; sometimes you may also miss considering certain rational reasons behind his seemingly suspicious behavior, and the relationship can also suffer due to the unjustified suspicion of his loyalty, so you might keep your temper and keep observing until you can be sure of his pulling away.
When your man wants out but you want to save the failing marriage, a tug-of-war is set up – he pulls away, you try to pull him towards you. And it is indeed painful to find your husband pulling away emotionally and losing interest when you are trying to connect with him. But if you decide to work hard to save the relationship, you should not be discouraged now; for more marriage-saving tips, you might go on to watch the video below to follow the comprehensive guidance that is offered by Brad Browning, a marriage coach with 12+ years of experience:
Maybe, you are also interested in the related posts below:
What to do when your husband is not affectionate towards you.
How to deal with an emotionally distant husband – Make him open up.
Why your husband is distant – How to stop him from being distant.
How to keep him obsessed with you – Your man’s secret obsession.
What to do when your husband rejects you sexually – what does it mean.
The 5 most important emotional needs of a man – Meet his needs.
What every man secretly wants – How to make him devoted to you.