Maybe, you have been married for years, but more or less, you make some mistakes over and over again during sex without realizing them. Sometimes when having sex with your spouse, you feel like you are doing the right thing, but that thing is not good for your spouse. Those mistakes hinder you and your spouse from enjoying the fullness of sex, and thereby gradually damp your zest for lovemaking.
To keep sex alive in your marriage, be aware of the 8 common mistakes below:
1 Feeling embarrassed or scared to try new things:
Ask yourself whether you have ever come up with an idea to spice up sex, but eventually, you abandoned it because you were afraid of what your spouse may think about it. Believe it or not, in most cases, your spouse would like to try something new together with you in bed. And it is also likely that your spouse may be just as embarrassed or uncomfortable about bringing up new ideas as you are. If you both would not like to put forward new lovemaking ideas to improve your sex life, it tends to become stagnant over time.
Hence, when it comes to how to keep sex alive in your marriage, a good way is to have a lot of fun lovemaking ideas at your disposal and share them. As long as the two of you actively share lovemaking ideas, you can have a fantastic sex life – when your lovemaking ideas are enough to lead you and your man to a world that is full of sexual fantasies, you may realize that you no longer need to resort to those adult toys (e.g. adult whips, chains, and handcuffs) to fulfill your wild sexual fantasies.
So you might make the first move to come to your spouse with new lovemaking ideas.
2 Trying to convince your spouse to make love:
When your spouse is tired or just in no mood for sex, it is always hard to persuade or convince him/her to have sex. On the other hand, when he/she has an intense urge to have sex, his/her body naturally releases the hormone “adrenaline” into the bloodstream so that he/she gets more motivation and energy to make love;
Furthermore, it is also essential to choose the right way to sexually arouse your spouse. Surely, even though your spouse is tired, it is still possible to seduce him/her and get him/her in the mood for sex; seduction techniques work much better than convincing or persuading; and in a marital relationship, sexual seduction should be thought of as an art towards attaining a fruitful relationship more than towards a selfish consideration or simply experiencing physical pleasure.
If you are a man and you want to learn more about how to please your wife into bed, you might go on to read the post below:
How to rekindle sexual intimacy when your wife becomes a roommate.
If you are a woman and you are sick of the one who has to initiate sex, of feeling undesired or unwanted, you might go on to read the page below:
3 Neglecting pre-sex play:
Foreplay is necessary for good sex but is often neglected. If you neglect foreplay and rush to have sexual intercourse, it will easily lead to a vague feeling of irritation as you or your spouse may be not fully aroused; in a long term relationship, a lack of orgasm or an orgasm imbalance is a common factor leading to resentment, frustration, and anger with one’s partner. Having prolonged foreplay is one of the best ways to intensify orgasms and overall lovemaking experiences.
It is undeniable that sometimes impromptu sexual intercourse without foreplay can be a good sexual experience. But generally, most people, especially most women who have a happy sex life agree that good sexual encounters should start with plenty of foreplay.
Foreplay does not only intensify the female orgasm; a vigilant form of foreplay can bring increased pleasure to both spouses, thereby making the whole experience more enjoyable. So don’t skimp on sexual foreplay, instead, try to prolong foreplay before having sex with your spouse. Before sex, you might touch, kiss, and caress him/her; and you might try to tease him/her in a playful way; for example, when you find that your spouse is enjoying doing something with you in bed, you might deliberately stop doing it suddenly, then move back and do it with him/her again later. A rule of thumb is that the more a spouse pulls back and then pushes forward before and during sex, the more intense the other one’s sex desire becomes.
And there are many playful things that you can do to work on your spouse’s anticipation in bed; if you have no idea, you might take some advice from the page below:
Oprah love expert reveals 500 tips to make more amazing sex in your relationship… starting today.
In a word, don’t skip foreplay; and when you are teasing your spouse with foreplay, make a point to slow things down and take your time.
4 Using porn or sex toys to make your lovemaking better:
There are times when your sex life hits a low point; and have you ever considered resorting to external things (e.g. a pornography video, and a sex toy) to drive your spouse crazy instantly. But such an idea may be wrong. Although sex toys or porn can bring an added element of fun, playfulness, and exploration to your bedroom repertoire, it is dangerous to rely on them to change the situation. Even sometimes this tactic can backfire – the excessive reliance on those outside sources of pleasure can make lovemaking less fulfilled; the reason is that your spouse may look forward to seeking more pleasure from porn or sex toys than from you.
By the way, when you are using those adult toys, they may feel crude, weird, or even dangerous; therefore, in the long run, using porn or sex toys is not a good way to keep sex in marriage alive because it can hardly make each other comfortable all the time.
Sex toys and porn are dispensable for a marital relationship, and they only can be used as a spice instead of the main course. So make sure to discover a way to please your man’s body parts without tools, whether or not you introduce those external tools into your sex life.
5 Sticking to an established routine too often:
When it comes to lovemaking, probably you know the drill well – you take off your clothes, have intercourse with your spouse right away; and the routine is finished within a few minutes. Does it sound familiar? Lovemaking always feels fantastic in the beginning, but it tends to get boring as time passes. The reason is simple: while you are making love, the basic act seems the same. When your sex life gets “too routine”, your relationship suffers. The best way to prevent the quality of your sex life from declining is to try different lovemaking ideas; if you have an abundance of ideas ready and you can put them into practice, then you will be more likely to enjoy a hotter, more passionate and steamy lovemaking.
6 Assuming you know what your spouse likes:
Sex should be an experience that you and your spouse should both enjoy. And you should be aware that you can not always read your spouse’s mind correctly. When you wrongly assume what your spouse likes and dislikes in bed, it can be a turn off for him/her. The foolproof method to understand what he/she wants in bed is to ask him/her plainly and simply. Of course, that is not to say you need to ask your spouse every several minutes; to make the experience enjoyable for both of you, you might ask him/her once in a while when you feel the need to improve your sex life. Furthermore, when making love, you might also promptly pay attention to your spouse’s body language to tell whether he/she likes something or not.
7 Ignoring your man’s erotic zones:
It is well known that being sensually touched by a man can get a lady hot; actually, men also love to be touched sensually by their women. And you may forget or not realize that your spouse would love you to pay attention to certain areas of his/her body. Many of those erotic areas are easy to find, like the inner thighs, lips, genitals, but maybe you haven’t paid enough attention to them; and some of his/her “erotic zones” are unnoticeable; for example, maybe his/her hair, ears, and neck are his/her sensitive body parts that love to be stimulated. And yet when they are caressed, stroked, or kissed, it helps drive your spouse wild and intensify his/her orgasm. Again, those hidden zones can be a great source of erotic pleasure, don’t miss them.
Hence, you might spend some time discovering those erotic zones of your spouse; maybe you can’t imagine how pleased he/she is to see you touch them.
8 Focusing on physical stimulation:
Surely, we have sex out of our physical instincts; but sex in marriage is never a one-night stand; as a spouse, if you just view sex as a physical act, you are missing a big picture. Don’t neglect the emotional intimacy before during sex; it is much more powerful and intimate than a kiss or an embrace. In a marriage, sex is also meant to amplify emotional intimacy between couples; so in this sense, sex contributes to a thriving relationship.
You must have read many tips on how to get physical pleasure out of sex; however, in a happy marriage, a spouse usually looks for more than that; and your man must also expect you to make lovemaking more emotionally intimate or emotionally intense; by deepening the emotional connection before and during sex, other parts of your relationship can get enhanced; surely, it, in turn, makes sex more physically pleasurable. Therefore, while you are enjoying the physical pleasure of sex, make a point to make sex more emotionally fulfilling.
So, remember, maintaining deep emotional intimacy is crucial to keep sex alive in your marriage, and the page/presentation below will give you more tips on how to ramp up your spouse’s emotional intensity towards you before and during sex:
If you are a wife, read the page below:
If you are a husband, watch the presentation below:
The final word:
A change in the habit of thinking and acting may bring a positive change in your sex life. The stale sex life needs a little spicing up, and it goes a long way towards maintaining a long-lasting relationship.
If you feel like you and your spouse live like roommates and you see no sparks of intimacy and true pleasure, especially if you realize that you always venture into a conversation about sex with a bit of trepidation, it should be viewed as a sign that your marriage is getting frayed around the edges, probably there are some underlying serious problems in the relationship. If you want to follow comprehensive guidance about how to improve the sexless marriage, you might go on to watch the video below. It may change your understanding of marriage significantly, especially your understanding of major marital problems (sexual problems included):
Maybe, you are also interested in the related posts below:
How to survive in a sexless marriage – Is a sexless relationship doomed?
What causes a sexless marriage – Why does a marriage become sexless?
How to spice up the bedroom for him – Get out of a sexual rut.
How to rekindle sexual intimacy when your wife becomes a roommate.