In a marital relationship, true love is a beautiful magnificent obsession, it motivates us to chase our happiness, and it is the highest goal of living in a marriage; the obsession gets us more involved in our life; it makes us feel more inspired and alive in our relationships, and it forms the foundation of our motivations in our married life … An obsession can be so powerful especially when it goes both ways in a marriage.
But to turn on his obsession switch and keep him obsessed with you, you must also have realized that your man obsesses about a wide range of things, not just love. To gain your man’s deep commitment and devotion, how should you deal with this problem? Most importantly, you should become part of his secret obsession that constantly captures and holds his interest; in this way, when he thinks of those things he desires most, he thinks of you too. In particular, you should become part of his core motivations that drive him to achieve “success” in his life.
Before learning how to keep him obsessed with you, let’s talk about how to understand your obsessions:
Everyone has obsessions. Some of those obsessions are long-term; and some of them are just short-term (sometimes we are focused on something during a short period, it temporarily dominates our life, but it goes away soon); the example below may make this point clear:
Sometimes we may not be able to resist the desire to watch a certain TV series continuously; but after we finish watching it, we may be no longer so obsessed with it; maybe you soon begin to watch another interesting TV series. And I bet you also have the similar experience: when you were obsessed with a TV drama/movie, you felt as if you slipped into a fantasy world, you couldn’t help imaging scenes from the drama/movie when you were supposed to do other things in real life; and the more you imagined, the more you craved; even you loved the drama/move so much that you seemed ready to talk about it to other people around you. As long as you haven’t finished watching it, the obsession continues. However, when you finish it, the feeling goes away instantly, and then you move on.
However, you have to admit that some obsessions stick with you constantly. For example, maybe you are obsessed with your physical fitness, financial freedom, health, and so on. In your life, these things persist as enduring goals. They are an integral part of your life, and these “constant” obsessions guide your daily actions and decisions. In many ways, they subtly define who you are.
Then let’s turn the focus back towards men in marriages. Surely, there are also some “constant” obsessions that almost all men share in their marriages. And a man’s obsessions greatly differ from a woman in a long term relationship.
If you wonder how to bend your man’s motivation towards deeply committed love, it is important to look into those constant secret obsessions of men:
(1) Money:
In a man’s mind, money is more of a tool; with the tool, he can obtain security, attraction, respect, freedom, power, social status, and independence. In particular, a lot of men strongly believe that money can buy social status and social respect.
Generally, a man is much more obsessed with money than a woman. In married life, usually, a man has to think more about how to earn money, how to keep money, and what he should do with limited money. The majority of husbands have ever fantasized about how much better their married life would become if they had enough money. In many cases, it is the money that spurs a man to do a lot of things, whether they are good or bad. In general, men desire to make more money, but meanwhile, they also fear losing money. Due to this obsession, some men even shape their individual lives around how to earn the most money.
(2) Social status:
More often than not, a man obsesses over other people’s evaluations to him. He wants other people to make an appraisal that he is a man of quality. He wants to be recognized for his accomplishments. This obsession does not mean that he has to succeed in his life; more exactly, it is about the benefits of getting a high social status. Believe it or not, men are highly obsessed with hierarchy, and this obsession is wired into them at a biological level. By contrast, low-status men are often perceived as “less-than”, they are more likely to get stuck with work over and above his job description, but they earn less; obviously they have fewer good options in his life, and they can encounter much more trouble in their love life than high-status men.
The strong obsession for social status explains why men are keen to participate in all kinds of contests (e.g. political struggles, competition in work, computer games, and sports activities). Through contests, they can better confirm their social status and obtain the respect of other people.
(3) Freedom:
Everybody craves freedom, but men have a much stronger craving for freedom. Since a man was born, the desire for independence has been deeply rooted in his DNA. To some extent, men also think that the pursuit of freedom is also a manifestation of his power – usually, the more economic capacity a man has, the freer he can feel to do things he wants to do with his beloved.
If something feels restrictive in a relationship, naturally a man will either fight against the restraints or look for a way out.
(4) Career:
Although there is a great shift in family culture, a man usually takes on the main role of the household’s breadwinner, and hence it is natural for him to define himself through his job or business. For most men, life success has a lot to do with career success; therefore, they spend a great deal of time thinking about what sort of job/business best suits him; they desire to find the best career path because they want to set themselves up for their career success as much as possible.
Generally, men are much more ambitious than women: they are more willing to climb the career ladder; and most men want to become a manager, boss in the future even though currently they are just bottom-tier employees; they are eager to win more prestigious awards, and they are more eager to reach the pinnacle of their careers, or at least the pinnacle of a particular area of their careers.
Of course, your man’s constant obsessions are rather more than the obsessions that are mentioned above. But if you have no idea how to keep him obsessed with you, make sure you care about the 4 constant obsessions of your man.
If you want to learn more about what a husband expects from his wife, you might go on to read the posts below:
What a husband expects from his wife in marriage – A man’s needs.
The 5 most important emotional needs of a man – Meet his needs.
To keep him obsessed with you, recognize the meaning of your man’s obsessions:
As mentioned above, you may think some of his obsessions seem shallow; but for a man obsessing over them, they are meaningful and they matter deeply. A man’s obsessions drive his decision-making patterns, those obsessions give his life purpose and life shape, they demonstrate his personal values, they express what he expects from other people, and they present a summary picture of what kind of a person he aspires to be.
When your man feels like you are helping him make good progress towards his secret obsessions, he gains a better sense of self-worth; your doing so makes him happier with you. In return, he is more willing to show the best of him to you.
There is, though, an interesting thing: most men don’t exactly understand what they are obsessed with. After all, their deepest desires are subconscious (beneath the surface of their conscious awareness); after all, it is difficult for men to reveal what their subconscious mind is hiding. In layman’s terms, a lot of men don’t know well the truth about their personalities; and that requires their women to make a further exploration. Maybe your man does also not recognize what deeply motivates him, and maybe he thinks this question is too complicated to be explained in a few words, but there must be something that your man cares about deep down; so you might try to approach your man’s underlying subconscious obsessions and channel it towards the relationship with you.
Remember, in your marriage, the drive of your man’s obsessions is like a powerful motorboat that is sailing on the sea, you do not have to fight against its momentum, you just need to learn how to steer it.
The final word on his secret obsession:
When you figure out his secret obsessions and you link yourself to them, you naturally draw him closer. Supporting his inner desires does not make him feel manipulated; instead, it makes him feel that you understand him truly. And that contributes to a win-win scenario where you can both be true to each other.
In essence, you can figure out more about what is on your man’s mind, and you can try to become his secret obsession – you can try to help him find his life passion and true purpose, you can help him see those things that can motivate him as pleasures of his life, you can try to help him achieve his goals as much as possible so that you become an essential role of the story of the person who he desires to become.
When he realizes that he can make strides towards his life goals by working on the marriage with you, he will be committed to being a better spouse.
If you want more tips on how to keep him obsessed with you, you might go on to watch the video below to follow the comprehensive guidance that is offered by Brad Browning, a marriage coach with 12+ years of experience:
Maybe, you are also interested in the posts below:
9 simple tips on how to be irresistible to your husband again.
9 tips on how to make your husband loyal – What he needs in the marriage.
How to make your husband feel like a man again.
Signs your husband is pulling away – Why he seems distant.
What does it mean when you feel like your husband hates you?
What to do when your husband rejects you sexually – What does it mean?
What every husband needs from his wife – A husband’s basic needs.