There are times when your husband seems like a brick wall and lapses into an unhappy silence; in this case, you wonder what he wants from you, what he is feeling, and what can make him open up? Surely, he has many emotional needs although he is not always vocal about his desires/thoughts/expectations. As the woman who is willing to accompany him throughout his life, you should put in the hard work to meet his basic needs in the long-term relationship.
And here are 7 tips on how to keep your husband happy and faithful:
1 Figure out his personality:
Probably, you have known very well that your man’s favorite food, songs, movie star, sports team, pastime, but he wants you to understand more things that stay deep in his heart, especially those that can be linked to what defines him as a person. For example, he wants you to better understand what he values in his life, what makes him excited, and what he dreams of; he wants you to know how he looks at the world and what his top priority in his career is…
Those of his needs are subtle; but as long as you work hard to look for them, you can obtain clues. For example, sometimes when you talk about something with him, you could see the glint in his eyes; sometimes he raises a certain topic over and over again… In short, if you want to relate to your man better and make him happy, you need to gain more insight into his personality. The more you support those parts of him, the more likely he is to feel you are irreplaceable in his life.
2 Be spontaneous:
One of the reasons that a marriage goes bad is because a spouse is no longer excited or passionate about the relationship. Especially if you think that you have seen every side of your man and that you have done everything possible to keep your marriage alive, you must be aware that such thinking is dangerous. Why? It is because this will make you feel disinclined to try new things and then you just want to pass the time spending your daily life with him.
If one or both of spouses do not put in enough attention and affection, over time the relationship will get stale; and that can leave a negative effect of feeling disconnected, unimportant, ignored, and impersonal. Especially if a relationship is stuck in a rut and lacks newness and spontaneity, passion can be greatly decreased, then the relationship will quickly stop growing and broadening.
To some extent, being spontaneous means that you should try to surprise your man by breaking out of a boring routine. For example, maybe you have always expected your husband to initiate sex; over time, this led to a sexual rut – both of you have felt things are always the same when having sex; to get out of this rut, you might try to shake things up (you might try sending him a naughty text message when he is at work, or popping in on him when he is in the shower).
3 Appreciate what he has done for you:
To your man, few things are as powerful as feeling that he has done something for you and you noticed it. After all, you are not a man; probably you still don’t know how profound this emotional need is for him. In a long-term relationship, every partner has deeply hidden questions in his/her heart; however, they differ greatly between women and men; most women tend to constantly ask themselves, ”Am I loveable”, ”Am I special?”; this shows that women desire to feel worthy and accepted for who they are. By contrast, most men tend to constantly ask themselves, ”Do I measure up?”, “Am I really good at what I do for her?” this shows men deeply need to feel recognized for what they do.
Believe it or not, those appreciative words like “You did a great job”, “Thank you for doing this for me” is far more powerful to him than hearing “I love you”. So every time you notice your husband has done something great for you, you might be generous with saying “Thank you”; in doing so, it can have a positive impact on his happiness level in the relationship.
4 Respect your man:
To keep your husband happy and faithful, your respect for him must be at the core of every interaction with him. Respect is never something that can be discussed or implied, he needs to feel it clearly.
When your husband feels disrespected, it is hard for him to love you, and the relationship heads into a downward spiral. Furthermore, you may need to gain an in-depth understanding of one thing – respect is earned, not given. In other words, if you just view respect as charities or donations, he will never accept what you give him; he just wants to earn your respect that he deserves.
Your love without respect is dangerous; sometimes it may crush your man literally. Respecting your husband means understanding that he is not you, not a reflection of you, not an extension of you, not your toy, not your product, not your pet… your husband is your teammate, and meanwhile, you should also treat him as a unique individual; you can not always live your married life as per your needs/desires; many times, you need to learn to mesh your needs with his; sometimes, you may even need to sacrifice your own needs/desires for the benefit of him.
For more tips, you might go on to read the posts below:
Is respect important to a man – How to respect your husband.
5 tips on how to make your husband feel loved and respected.
5 Trust your man:
Trust is one of the cornerstones of any long-term relationship; if your husband can not feel trusted, he will constantly feel insecure in the relationship; when he feels that you are inclined to be suspicious of things he does, he can hardly open up to you about what things happened and how he feels about you. But if your husband knows you trust him deeply, he feels more secure in the relationship; he is more willing to fully open up to you, even though something may have unpleasant associations for you.
Moreover, sooner or late, your husband is bound to mess up in your married life; after all, he is only human. And yet if you trust him, you are more likely to forgive and forget his mistakes/wrongdoings than if you don’t trust him.
If you wonder how to show trust to your man, here are some simple tips:
- Don’t spy on him.
- Stay calm and rational when you are suspicious of his behavior:
- Don’t invade his privacy:
- Break free of your past relationship baggage:
- Be proactive about asking and taking his advice when you think that he can help you.
- Don’t be too controlling.
- Don’t subject him to a lengthy inquisition.
6 Give him enough space:
Your marriage does not mean that your world should always revolve around you and your husband alone. To keep your husband happy and faithful, you need to give him enough personal space and time. Understandably, sometimes when he spends time outside by himself, you may not be able to exactly know what he will do and where he will go; but you do not have to interrogate him as if he has already committed infidelity; not doing this means you feel confident and secure that he will not do those things that can ruin the marriage.
Furthermore, don’t act as a codependent woman anytime. A codependent relationship is like a prison because it does not allow partners room to be themselves; and once your love for your dependent man turns into codependency, he will strongly feel that the relationship is miserable as hell.
For more tips, you might go on to read the post below:
How to overcome codependency in marriage – Fix the marriage.
7 Protect your man’s ego:
Men have a bigger and more fragile ego than women. Sometimes your casual words can hurt him but you do not realize it in time. And men are naturally good at hiding their bad feelings in front of their women; generally, a man is unwilling to admit how big and fragile his ego is; and as a wife, your husband secretly wants you to understand his ego on your own.
The following points out some common things that might bruise your man’s ego; and if possible, you should avoid the actions below:
- Insult your man’s job:
Even though your man downplays his current job, probably he is still proud of what he does, or at least he doesn’t want to be mocked for it. Especially when you bring up the parts of his job that he hates or the parts subtly implying that he is unimportant, it can be perceived as insulting and humbling.
- Compare him to a more excellent man:
Actually, nobody can win in this kind of comparison. After all, everyone is just good at doing things in some areas, it is impossible to be all-powerful; besides that, no matter how well he does in an area, most likely you can find someone who can do better than him. Put yourself in his shoes, you can better feel that being bested by someone else is an upset feeling. And men have a much stronger instinct to win than women; when you are comparing him to other successful men, he naturally feels like a loser. When he feels he fails you, his ego gets hurt.
- Treat him as if he is incapable:
If you always offer to do everything that your man is obligated to do or is capable of doing, this can backfire although you may do it out of the goodness of your heart. For example, every time you have to move heavy items, you move them yourself; even though your man sees that you are struggling to do it and tells you that he can give you a hand, you still reject his kindness. If things go on like this, he will feel that you do not treat him as your hero who can help you solve problems. He never wants you to substitute his role in the relationship; maybe, you have not realized that your husband is so secretly obsessed with feeling irreplaceable.
- Criticize him in public.
- Compliment someone he hates.
For more tips, you might go on to read the posts below:
How to deal with your man’s ego – The male ego in marriage.
10 tips on how to boost your husband’s ego – Stroke his ego.
The final word:
Marriage is a life-long journey, and keeping a marriage exciting and fresh is so challenging; but anyway, there are always things that you can do to keep your husband happy and let him know that you treasure the relationship.
For more tips on how to better the relationship with your husband, you might go on to read the page below to follow the comprehensive guidance that is offered by Brad Browning, a marriage coach with 12+ years of experience:
Maybe, you are also interested in the related posts below:
9 tips on how to make your husband loyal – what he needs in the marriage.
How to keep him obsessed with you – Your man’s secret obsession.
How to connect more with your husband – Make him feel connected.
What a husband expects from his wife in marriage – A man’s needs.
What a healthy marriage looks like – How to maintain a marriage.
How to deal with an emotionally distant husband – Make him open up.