Some people meet their beloved ones, fall in love with them, get married, and keep the marriage moving until death do them part; but most marriages have to go through rough patches. And under the present impetuous social environment, married couples become more inclined to consider divorce when their marriages encounter a severe crisis. And what is worse, many times spouses who want a divorce often fob their spouses off when asked why they want a divorce;
Currently, more and more people wonder whether they can save their marriages when their spouses want a divorce but are unwilling to open up to them? Although reasons for divorce vary from couple to couple, the troubled couples share many things in common. Hence, it is necessary to take a deep look at common reasons why people divorce. The following discusses the top ten reasons for divorce in America; maybe the explanation below may also help you gain an in-depth understanding of why your spouse wants a divorce.
The following talks about ten common reasons for divorce in America:
The list below is in no particular order.
(1) Growing apart:
Growing apart has become a good reason to leave a marriage. Now reflect on your marriage, does it seem like you and your wife have grown apart for a long time. Couples never stop changing and growing as they mature, and both spouses may not mature at the same rate in a marriage, there are a lot of things can lead couples to grow apart, such as changes of family and marriage, and separate interests; and couples may strongly feel that way after a period of time (maybe it is several months, several years, or even tense of years).
(2) Addiction:
Divorce is often linked to addiction. In many cases, addiction is not a single reason for divorce, but it acts as a contributing factor; when a spouse suddenly finds that the other one is an addict (e.g. a drug/gambling/alcohol addict), he/she is inclined to feel betrayed. In a long-term relationship with a partner with an addiction, there are no real winners. Unless the addict receives a proper therapy, all the parties in the family will have to suffer from this harmful habit to a great degree. Addiction is indeed a tough issue to tackle; and if a spouse can not overcome his/her stubborn addiction(s), not only will be the relationship beyond repair but so will be his/her psychology and health.
(3) Unhappy sex life:
Of course, sex is not everything in a love relationship, but for most spouses, the healthy sex routine is always essential although sexual attraction to each other easily wanes over time. And at some point, a couple may suffer from a sexual desire discrepancy, which means a partner wants much more sex than the other, and then the sex life tends to become suffering for both sides.
And in married life, unhappy sex life can bring a series of negative issues: a spouse may not feel wanted and desired by the other one, so he/she may attempt to alienate his/her spouse on a deep emotional level; and even for a spouse who is stuck in a sexless marriage, he/she may think about having an extramarital affair.
When it comes to unhappy sex life in a marriage, probably it is also not hormones that are the rooting cause, but the failing relationship itself. If you want to learn more about how to improve sexual intimacy in marriage, you might go on to read the post below:
How to keep sex alive in your marriage – Common mistakes in bed.
(4) Money issues:
Money issues and divorce seem to go hand-in-hand. And money issues are recognized as the leading cause of stress in a marriage. Reports found approximately three-quarters of Americans have to deal with financial stress at some point, and that about a quarter of Americans have ever felt extreme financial stress. And what is worse is that divergent views and values on money sharpen the tension within couples.
If you want to learn more about how to better deal with money issues in marriage, you might go on to read the posts below:
7 simple tips on how to deal with financial stress in a marriage.
How to manage finances in a marriage – Couples’ financial management.
(5) Infidelity:
Among the top ten reasons for divorce, the most frequently cited one should be infidelity. The broad sense of infidelity includes physical and emotional infidelity. In general, infidelity occurs when a spouse suffers from emotional trauma in the relationship and thereby chooses to seek comfort from someone else outside the marriage.
Infidelity can lead to divorce based on the 3 main reasons below:
- Denial of the problem:
Normally, the betrayer will strenuously deny the fact that he/she had an affair with someone else in the beginning, even though the evidence is conclusive and brooks no denial.
- Inappropriately expressed anger:
After a spouse catches the other spouse cheating, as a victim, the other one is tempted to exhibit extreme emotions and behavior that can devastate the relationship. Understandably, one spouse’s betrayal brings a heavy blow to the foundation of a marriage, robbing the other one of security, violating the vows at the wedding, and disturbing the other one’s peace of mind that the other one keeps in their married life.
- Feelings of rejection:
In a love relationship, when one party realizes that the other one has replaced him/her with someone else, his/her self-esteem takes a hit inevitably. As a victim, probably he/she will sink into the depths of hopelessness – One or both parties assume that the relationship will not be recovered completely after infidelity, so they choose to give up on the relationship.
(6) Monster in-laws:
The interference from in-laws should be also included in the top ten reasons for divorce.
A lot of married people blame their in-laws after they had a row with their spouses; actually, many couples could keep living happily without the interference from the in-laws; but their relationships get messed up quickly after the in-laws of one or both partners enter their married life; for too many people who are troubled by monster in-laws, they would prefer to divorce their spouses’ parents rather than divorce their spouses if they could.
How spouses relate to their in-laws is a significant predictor of marriage longevity. More often than not, monster in-laws have justified reasons to drive a wedge between couples; for a couple with little experience in marriage, especially for a newly married couple, the interference from monster in-laws is enough to drive one or both of them crazy.
(7) Spousal abuse:
Abuse is destructive to marriage, regardless of whether the abuse is emotional or physical; in an abusive relationship, it is very difficult for the abusive party not to feel resentful and angry when abusing the other party, and it is also hard for the abused party not to feel humiliated when being abused; the long term abuse can cause the abused party to frequently think about the same question – “Why should I go on to put up with it?”. Especially when some kind of abuse transpires, spousal abuse becomes a solid reason for divorce, even though it may not be a primary reason. And when any form of abuse happens in a marital relationship, the likelihood of divorce increases sharply.
Surely, most relationships have their unhappy moments, and most couples can work through those rough patches to be happy later, but apart from the unfortunately extreme cases where relationships involve abuse. Generally, from the point of view of the abused party, divorcing an abusive spouse is much more beneficial than going on to stay in the marriage in the long run.
(8) Lack of commitment:
A lot of people enter a marriage without previously knowing what their marriage life should be like. A healthy marriage requires both spouses to share and give; if one spouse does all the work in the marriage, he/she will soon be sick and tired of being the only one who always gives much more.
Among the top ten reasons for divorce, lack of commitment should be the most-selected, and it is usually followed by endless arguments or conflicts. In many marriages, there exists a primary contributor to that feeling of “lack of commitment” – One spouse takes the unbalanced relationship for granted as the other spouse keeps giving much but often receives little; in the view of the spouse who always receives more, there is no need to keep showing appreciation to his/her spouse’s caring, patience, and selfless dedication; and from the point of view of the spouse who gives much more, he/she may also not want his/her spouse to reciprocate, but he/she wants to feel validated, admired and respected; gradually, the lack of attention or feeling respected/appreciated can cause the giver to feel that his/her partner is no longer committed to the long-term relationship.
(9) Entering a marriage without adequate preparation:
Unrealistic expectations about marriage should not be missed as one of the top ten reasons for divorce; it is worth mentioning that too many young couples in the twenties have an exceptionally high divorce rate due to this cause. Currently, more and more young people enter a marriage without having the right view about the rights and responsibilities in a marital relationship. For instance, although they get married, they are not mentally prepared to carry out heavy household chores and share household duties around their children; and even some young spouses have a difficult time distinguishing their marriages from their original families, and hence they allow their parents to excessively interfere with their marriages.
(10) Religious differences:
Generally, rigid adherence to a solid set of moral standards can be taken as a religion; and many times in married life, a spouse’s religion can ebb and flow. The increasingly widening religious differences can lead to constant arguments between spouses; over time, a spouse may consider divorce as the other spouse persists in claiming a different religion over his/her spouse’s religion.
Besides that, when it comes to really religious beliefs, a marriage with 2 different religions does not necessarily mean this relationship is bound to be difficult, even though a partner is somewhat observant of his/her traditions. For example, if a partner is catholic and the other is Jewish, possibly, both religions can be adhered to in a relationship, and hence the couple can still maintain a happy home. But if the marriage gets strained because of a suddenly and dramatically increased adherence to the basic tenets of one partner’s religion, marital conflicts can arise sooner or later. And this is also likely to happen to a marriage in which both spouses have the same religion, when a spouse suddenly gets overly invested in his/her religion and follows the rules more strictly but meanwhile the other one disagrees with him/her.
Besides the reasons for divorce above, there must be also many others:
Surely, there are also many other marital problems that can devastate a marriage. But whatever the reason is, a spouse should try to seek a solution for the existing problems rather than go on to escape them as long as he/she still wants to save the marriage; as we all know, a lot of problematic couples finally overcame those seemingly surmountable difficulties and turned around their marriages, although they have justified reasons for divorce; in most cases, the majority of problematic marriages can be saved even if only one spouse wants to try, so divorce should be the last option to consider when couples are facing a marital crisis.
If you want to learn more about how to save a failing marriage, you might go on to watch the video below to refer to the comprehensive guidance that is provided by Brad Browning, a well-known marriage coach who has 12+ years of experience helping couples survive and thrive in unhappy marriages:
Maybe, you are also interested in the related posts below:
What should you do when your marriage is on the brink of divorce?
6 tips on how to survive in an unhappy marriage without divorce.
How to survive a stressful marriage – Deal with marital stress.
4 basic tips on how to get through a rough patch in a marriage.