Now you think your husband fails you, and your confidence in the marriage is shaken. Maybe you still remember when you fell in love with your husband – he was so nice and thoughtful, and he always made tireless efforts to keep the romance alive in the relationship. At that time, he gave you great comfort, and he tried his best to not let you down; hence, you believed that you have found a guy that will not disappoint you in the future.
However, after you got married, things changed as time passed. In your married life, hard times hit him from time to time. For example, your man may have been having a difficult time finding or changing jobs recently; or after you had your first baby, his money became tight suddenly. Maybe you ever thought you were married to a man who is always loving, optimistic, and dedicated to making life better. But now he disappoints you – maybe you feel he is sarcastic, sometimes kind of bitter, and increasingly selfish. Maybe when you talk about planning a date night, he says he is tired. Maybe, you haven’t got back in shape after you had a baby, he often teases you: “You are so fat!” And maybe you regret that you failed to recognize him.
In the situation above, should you divorce him? Or should you get him to seek marriage counseling? When it comes to how to keep him committed when he fails you, probably you have not thought of an idea – tell him how proud you are of him first.
Praise works where criticism fails in a marriage:
Probably, what you didn’t realize back was that his marriage promise requires something from you – it is up to you to show him that you appreciate him constantly. When you understand this secret, emotional need within his heart, you hold the key to keeping him committed. For almost any man, he enters a committed relationship with the strong desire to be his woman’s hero; when he meets or exceeds his woman’s expectations, he thrives in the relationship; when he can please his significant half, he feels powerful, masculine and overwhelmed with love. And the more you acknowledge his efforts with gratitude and praise, the more committed he is to the relationship.
If you want to learn more about a man’s hero instinct in a relationship, you might go on to read the page below:
It seems odd to you that his commitment is closely tied to your performance for him; but in fact, it is a quite virtuous cycle; a man has always craved encouragement and praise since he was a child; whether he is at school, work, or in love relationships, he secretly wants to get praised by other people; and the praise motivates him to do better work and be a better version of himself.
However, as your married life gets more demanding, you ask more and more of him, and unavoidably he fails to satisfy some of your needs; gradually, he also no longer values the commitments for happiness, intimacy, security, mutual care… Maybe you are consistently loving, but your man is having a hard time in a certain field (e.g. career, parenting, and unresolved family-of-origin issues); maybe your living condition is not good, and he often lies awake at night, brooding alone. When you are disappointed in your husband, probably he also realizes that he is letting you down, and he may feel remorse because he has broken his promise that he ever made to you and himself; when the two of you stay together, he feels like a failure.
In the situation above, to protect himself, he may do one thing that you don’t expect: he pulls away and withdraws. He feels unworthy of the attention and concern you offer. Even if you insist on showing him love, he feels he doesn’t deserve love, and even he may perceive it as a charity. As such a situation develops, he tends to question the relationship itself; even though he is sure he still loves you deeply, he may pull away emotionally.
When he feels he fails you, his ability to love you takes a hit, and he starts to change – in the relationship, he becomes less and less motivated to keep trying, and even he may give in to the negative self-talk, ”I can do nothing to make any difference.”
To get your husband back when he fails you, you need to take some drastic measures:
When your husband fails you, you should learn to set him to win your appreciation and make him feel like your hero again. And it is necessary to change your focus from expressing how much you love him to expressing him how much you admire and approve of him. At this critical stage, he is questioning the love in the marriage, and your gifts of love can hardly move him. However, your admiration is what he needs the most in the relationship.
Understandably, maybe you are still kind of reluctant to praise about the man who is treating you badly; so you should be aware of one thing: some of his disgusting behavior does not wholly represent who he is; and while loving your man for who he is, you do not have to like everything he does.
Hence, when your husband fails you, let him know that you have not lost your belief in him; in this situation, you might consciously give him more compliments, and show your pleasure in nice things he does for you whether they are small or big.
And the following are 5 aspects from which you can praise your husband:
(1) Appreciate those physical attributes of your husband:
Maybe at the beginning of the relationship, you were attracted to him by some of his physical attributes; maybe it is his intriguing eyes, biceps, dark hair, and beards and stubble … whatever it is, you might tell him when you are having a chit-chat with him.
(2) Praise his good character traits:
Some of his good traits are not so visible unless he acts on them, such as grace-giving, gentle spirit, and merciful heart. So when he did a nice thing for you, you might acknowledge the behavior that has brought out his positive qualities in him.
(3) Encourage your man to take the leadership role:
It is an instinct for a man to be a leader in his family. Therefore, by motivating him to hold the leadership role when dealing with household affairs, he can gain more confidence in maintaining the family. And mutual respect in a love relationship can be maintained when male dominance is maintained. Especially when your husband fails you, you should make him feel that you still respect him as the leader in the home.
(4) Care more about his interests and hobbies:
Probably, you and your husband have different interests in married life; I bet you know very well that you should respect the interests and hobbies of your man anyway; but maybe, more often than not, you are unconcerned with those things that only he likes to do. But from the point of view of your man, he secretly wants you to pay more attention to his interests and hobbies, even though he knows that you are not interested in something he likes. The more you ask him about things in his familiar territory (especially when you are unfamiliar with that territory), the more he feels great about himself.
(5) Acknowledge his efforts:
When he finishes something that makes sense to him, celebrate his achievement whether the achievement is about career or family. For instance, you might make dinner especially for him. Sometimes when he tries his best to do something but still fails to accomplish it eventually, you might also acknowledge his efforts in the process.
When your husband fails you, your words can make a positive difference in his life:
Here are some examples that you can use to say to your man to make him feel great or admired:
(1) Thank you for doing that; when you serve me in that way, it means a lot to me.
(2) Whether I agree with your viewpoint or not, I accept you.
(3) You make me feel secure all the time.
(4) I want you to know I still deeply respect you.
(5) No other men could come so close to me.
(6) Our kids look up to you.
(7) It is so blessed to have a man like you.
(8) My heart only belongs to you.
(9) You are the only man I want to go on adventures with.
(10) If you are not joyful, I am also not joyful.
(11) I would lose myself without you.
(12) You have worked hard on it, I’m thankful for you.
(13) You have done so much, I’m quite clear.
In a long-term relationship, there are some times when a woman is disappointed in his man or he fails her; your marriage is also not exceptional.
And if you want to learn more about how to make your husband devoted to you, you might go on to read the page below to follow the comprehensive guidance that is offered by Brad Browning, a marriage coach with 12+ years of experience:
Make your husband obsess about you again – 3 key steps to remain happily married.
Maybe, you are also interested in the related posts below:
How to make your husband feel appreciated – Show him appreciation.
The 5 most important emotional needs of a man – Meet his needs.
Why your husband is unhappy with you – Understand him better.
What a man wants most from a woman – A man needs to feel respected.
Why your husband is distant – How to stop him from being distant.
Signs your husband is pulling away – Why he seems distant.