If you notice that your husband hates you, it is time to check whether you have done something that has pushed him away. Maybe, you are still clueless about what exactly causes your husband to become so hateful and angry, although you have given it a lot of thought. Anyway, as long as you are sure that your spouse does not hate you to a point where he decides to leave you, and that you want to keep your marriage alive, you can try to work on yourself to heal your marriage:
And when your husband hates you, you should pay attention to the 4 matters below:
1 Beware of nagging:
As regards this issue, you might put yourself in his shoes: if your husband nags you, maybe sometimes you can’t help resenting him for nagging. But as a woman, you are more likely to nag him, largely because a wife is conditioned to think that her husband should be more responsible for family affairs. Compared with a woman, a man is sensitive to early signs of marital problems. When you make a request of him but feel unsatisfied with his response, he may quickly realize that something may be wrong with the relationship, and then he may be careful with his words. What is worse, the atmosphere tends to grow tense as you repeatedly push him to respond.
In a relationship, male partners are less willing to give a clear answer to a problem than female partners, and more likely to suffer difficulties alone and silently. Therefore, your man might tune you out when he has troubles of his own and he does not want to pour them to you; furthermore, many times he doesn’t respond to you because he thinks that the true answer may disappoint you or he simply doesn’t know how to answer. But anyway, nagging can make your husband feel like a naïve child being scolded by his mother.
As explained above, it is important to remember that your husband never wants his wife to be a second mother who complains and nags continuously about his shortcomings or mistakes. When your husband hates you, it is better to shift the focus to those positive things he did for you and your family, rather than complain to him about things he did that disgusted you. This will not only be a good confidence booster for him but also keep him interested in staying together with you because you make him feel inspired.
For more tips, you might go on to read the post below:
Are you a nagging wife – How to stop nagging him.
2 Don’t give him an ultimatum:
As a couple enters into a marriage, both parties start to accept a hard truth about marriage – in order to make their relationships work, sometimes they should learn to make some concessions to each other, and sometimes they should learn to make some compromises to each other. This also applies to your relationship with him. However, there are still times when you bring up a critical and sensitive issue that puts him in a quandary, and there are also times when you are fed up with something that your husband constantly does; in these cases, you are tempted to make a certain demand on him and want him to take a specific action to change his pattern immediately; and in the heat of moment, probably you will give him an ultimatum – force him to make a change as you want; otherwise, you will impose certain penalties on him once you notice that he does not act the way that you want; in your mind, an ultimatum is a powerful weapon for getting him to change. But almost certainly, your man hates it; even he may take a more assertive stance in response to the ultimatum.
If you wonder why your husband hates ultimatums, here are some apparent reasons:
- He hates to be directly challenged:
Your husband’s pride is not only a great gift for him but also one of his most hindering qualities. Men are more inclined to let their pride guide their decisions for better or worse. Generally, the more strong-willed a man is, the more firmly he holds onto his opinion. When you present an ultimatum to him, probably his understanding is that his opinion doesn’t matter to him, that you are the ruler who has the right to ask you to shape up. At that time, his pride may urge him not to wilt in the face of pressure; instead, his pride may drive him to disregard your feelings and even retaliate with your ultimatum.
- He hates feeling like he is at work:
In a man’s career, his work is constantly measured by various metrics; his employer, customers, or business partners may issue demands and ultimatums at him from time to time. Many times, his work may have stressed him out. Because of this, he manages to separate work from his personal life. In doing so, he gets a chance of recharging himself and escaping from work pressure. And hence, when his woman drops an ultimatum to him to accomplish an awkward thing, he tends to feel exhausted emotionally and psychologically, whether it is legitimate or not. Especially when he has been bored and tired of his work, he never hopes that his married life makes him tired again.
- Ultimatums highlight his constant pattern of unfavorable behavior:
When a man shows his woman that he still performs the undesirable behavior with a total lack of inhibition, the ultimatum may become a tool that his woman has to utilize. Especially if a man likes to do some little annoying things but he refuses to change out of his habitual carelessness or laziness, his woman may be tempted to give him an ultimatum. And such an ultimatum is like a wake-up call, frequently reminding him to change; understandably, in the long run, this kind of pressure makes him uncomfortable; furthermore, if he feels that he doesn’t do anything wrong, those ultimatums will only arouse big resistance in him.
3 Stop being disrespectful to your husband:
Remember, your man would not like to sacrifice the respect from you for almost anything. That is one of his fundamental emotional needs in the marriage. In your marriage, he secretly wants to get treated like a king anytime. Surely, his being a king also confirms you are a queen. In the family, generally, he doesn’t want his authority to be challenged by his family members (you are also included).
Maybe he can tolerate any other defect from you apart from disrespect. Sadly, because of familiarity, many times you may not realize that you are doing something that can be perceived as disrespect to him. And meanwhile, he also does not know how to express such a need; because it is a man’s innate need, he thinks that you should naturally understand it. In his mind, disrespect to him means you question his leadership within the family. The explanation below can make this point clear:
In married life, you are sure that you have no intention of deliberately opposing his plans or ideas; but sometimes when you point out something in which he makes mistakes/faults, due to an inappropriate expression, he may misunderstand that you do not respect him – in his view, you make him feel that he is not able to make a right judgment on his own, or you make him feel that he has to depend on you all the time. Besides that, if you repeatedly mention a problem that you have already seriously reminded him of, probably he will also perceive it as disrespect to him.
If you make unilateral decisions incessantly in your married life, he tends to take it as disrespect. Generally, he does not want to lord everything over you, sometimes he just wants you to talk to him about something, and sometimes he only wants you to inform him of your decisions in time. And it is important to make him feel involved and honored when you two are dealing with family affairs. As long as you are sensitive enough, many times you can realize whether he hates you because of your disrespect to him. Typically, when he feels like he is not respected, he withdraws from you emotionally and remains rather cold.
So again, when your husband hates you, you must be aware that giving respect is important to win his heart back.
For more tips, you might go on to read the post below:
5 tips on how to make your husband feel loved and respected.
4 Stop feeling insecure constantly:
Anytime, men don’t like to be controlled by their women. Men hate clingy women in any relationship. And men hate it when their women get jealous… That kind of controlling, needy behavior stems from a woman’s insecurity. And a woman’s excessive insecurity can drive his man away.
As for why men hate insecure women, one reason is easily ignored – a lot of the time, men are insecure about themselves, and their women’s insecurity only further increases his insecurity and makes things more complex. To help you gain an in-depth understanding of this point; let’s talk about some senses of insecurity that a man may hide from his woman:
- Negative thoughts from the past:
Most of those thoughts are related to past events, such as a rough childhood, and events related to controlling behavior, temper tantrums, abuse, a lack of respect, and a lack of love. Unlike women, the majority of men choose to keep those negative thoughts bottled up. And that can be a source of a man’s insecurity.
- Manhood:
It is very common that a man can’t let go of his fragile masculine and ego to grow in a relationship where his woman has a better degree, has a more prestigious job, or makes more money. And most men actually have some kind of masculinity complex that their women have to deal with.
- Sexual performance issues:
For the majority of men who have sexual performance issues, they usually list the poor sex performance as their top insecurity. And they are not willing to discuss it with their women.
So don’t think only women are subjected to over-thinking in a marital relationship. When your husband is struggling with his hidden insecurity, your insecurity can make him feel more tired in the relationship. Moreover, we all have moments of self-doubt; and yet if you seek affirmation from your husband constantly, whether it is about your appearance (e.g. your man may hate to answer the repetitive question like “Do I look beautiful today?”), your relationship, or your job, that will only be a big turn-off for him. In such a situation, you might reflect upon yourself: if you don’t have strong faith in yourself, how can you ask someone else to give you full affirmation?
The final word:
When your husband hates you, it doesn’t mean that you have to apologize and become submissive, and nor does it mean that you should tit for tat. The urgent thing you need to do is to figure out what is wrong with the relationship and how to get the relationship back on track.
Probably, you are not so hateful in your husband’s eyes: he is just unsatisfied with the status quo, and he does not know how to change it; in other words, sometimes he should have focused on an issue, but he may have personalized the issue without realizing it; if his hatred for you was so intense, he would consider leaving you rather than going on to stay in the marriage. His behavior is either purposeful or reactive. And in many cases, it is not that he deliberately hurts you, but that he does not know how to better deal with his inner feelings or to better express his emotional needs. Maybe, he is willing to have a more intimate relationship with you but has no clue how to move the relationship forward from the current bad situation.
If you need more tips about how to connect with your husband when he is bored, emotionally distant, or emotionally unavailable, you might go on to watch the video below to follow the comprehensive marriage-saving guidance that is offered by Brad Browning, a marriage coach with 12+ years of experience; it will show you how to take more concrete steps to heal the emotional disconnection in marriage.
Maybe, you are also interested in the posts below:
How to mend the marriage when your husband says hurtful words.
What does it mean when you feel like your husband hates you?
What should you do when your husband says he hates you?
What to do when your husband is bored with you – Rekindle your marriage.
What to do when your husband is not affectionate towards you.
Signs your husband is pulling away – Why he seems distant.
How to deal with an emotionally distant husband – Make him open up.
Why your husband is distant – How to stop him from being distant.
How to keep him obsessed with you – Your man’s secret obsession.