A husband looks very preoccupied from time to time, and his wife may interpret this gesture as a loss of passion in the marriage. I bet this situation also has happened to you. In the past, your husband was so engaging and attractive, and the spark of interest in each other ever easily turned into romantic attraction and mutual desire.
However now, it seems that there exists a special connection between you two that just feels right: it is like the two of you are constantly on the same wavelength, but suddenly, he begins to withdraw emotionally; when your husband is preoccupied, he becomes a man of few words, and it seems that he loses the desire to share his feelings with you the way that he did before. During conversations with him, his responses reflect that he is less attentive to what you say, and even you may feel as if you are alone when in his presence. In short, it seems to you that he is pulling away.
Why does he suddenly seem uninterested in you after connecting with you genuinely?
When it comes to motivation, the male and female brain is wired differently. Compared with women, men genetically have a narrow focus on things at hand; when a man is concentrating on handling the most important “task” at hand, he may act as nobody is around him, but it does not mean that he stopped loving his woman. After all, a task just distracts him temporarily. But that is often where things get messy – Many times when your man seems to be pulling away from you, your instincts tell you that something is wrong with the relationship. This causes you to feel insecure in the marriage naturally, and even it may cause distress and painful emotions that lead you to be passive-aggressive, such as resentment, anger, and contempt.
On the other hand, your emotional state reflects a serious question on your mind – “How can he treat me this way?”
Again, when doing the same thing, men concentrate more than women; in other words, when he is preoccupied, he is more likely to unconsciously ignore his partner’s feelings about him. Specifically, when your husband wants to get through the things at hand as quickly as possible, his emotional state carries the command like “I should reduce potential distractions to focus on dealing with urgent things that have come up”. But if the same situation happens to a woman, she is more willing to share feelings and thoughts with intimate people around her, especially her partner; and she is much less likely to think that her partner will distract her.
When your husband is preoccupied, you may assume that he doesn’t listen to you deliberately, or may assume that he is no longer interested in you; but probably what harasses or annoys him is not a relationship problem, and even it has nothing to do with you. Unlike a woman in a love relationship, a man is less willing to speak about his feelings when something serious troubles him; but it does not mean that he does not want his woman to empathize with him – In a lot of cases, he assumes that his woman should be able to figure out what is on his mind, even though he does not talk about it.
Actually, in addition to a man’s genetics, the fierce social environment is also a factor that reinforces a tendency for him to be mission-minded; when a man’s things at hand go well, he may have tons of playful energy; during that time, he may be emotionally engaged in the relationship, and even he may be genuinely interested in small details of his woman’s life.
So the real problem comes when he is experiencing unusual difficulties that threaten the normal progress of his “missions” in life. It is necessary to point out that men usually no longer consider a stable marriage that he has already built as a mission, and marriage becomes the fun thing they do when they are not working on their missions. That’s why he tends to become very distracted when storms arise in his business, at work, or in other aspects that he is pursuing.
And maybe, you have also got the feeling that he spends time with you only because he feels obligated to. Most likely, you are still a top priority in your man’s life; but when he is occupied with his “missions”, you can not feel that way. This is a common cause of painful experiences for wives who invest their lives in their husbands.
So when your husband is preoccupied, how should you treat him?
Yes, you may hate your man, treat him like a child, make fun of his inferior relationship skills, or use this insight to adapt in another way to get what you want from him. But that will only serve to enhance his certainty that the relationship with you has to be set aside temporarily because he is aware that he should focus on improving certain things that have already gone wrong in his primary missions.
In a nutshell, when your husband is preoccupied, it will be counterproductive to make your husband want you if you attempt to make him suffer the same pain that he brings you, so resist the impulse to show frustration, anger, or other passive-aggressive attempts. Instead, try to get him to talk about how difficulties that he is facing are impacting him. Unlike women, men do a bad job in expressing their inner emotions in front of their women; as a woman, you may think it is quite natural and easy to tell him your innermost thoughts and feelings, but don’t think that your man can do so too. In many cases, you need to learn to guide your husband to talk about what is wrong with him and how he is feeling about certain unfortunate things.
And you might try to develop a pattern of getting him to open up about his feelings. Whichever pattern you use, gentle words, mild attitude, and patience are required. Besides that, while you are giving support to your husband, don’t make him feel emasculated; in particular, you do not have to offer to fix anything that may get him into trouble; emasculating behavior may cause him to react negatively to you because it is like telling him that he is incompetent. Instead, just ask your man what he needs to do to improve the current situation. When he begins talking about the bad circumstance instead of the feelings, wait patiently till he has done, then ask why those things are so important to him. By using the word “important”, you convey respect for things that are upsetting him.
When your husband is preoccupied, to make him view you as an ally instead of a tempting distraction that he has to avoid, what you should do is to focus on helping him release his feelings and manage the inner conflicts that he may be experiencing.
Then give him space to work things out:
If you give your husband enough time and go on to be emotionally supportive, he will return to you with great commitment, interest and full engagement.
Pay special attention to your attachment style when your husband is preoccupied:
Your style of attachment affects how your relationship progresses. The attachment pattern reflects your strengths and vulnerabilities in your relationship. In the relationship with your husband, the model of your attachment is closely associated with how you express your needs and how you go about getting them met; therefore, it is important to recognize your attachment pattern. If you have a secure attachment pattern, you should be confident and self-possessed, even though your man seems to be pulling away; however, if you have an anxious attachment style in love, you take it for granted that you need to be with your spouse all the time to get reassurance; hence, when your husband is preoccupied with something, he seems to be isolated and difficult to connect at that time, you feel that your spouse tends to pull away, and hence you feel an urgent need to get close to him; but he disgusts the way to have your needs met; for him, this just makes him feel that you are overly demanding of his attention and too possessive in the relationship.
If you go on to seek a sense of security and safety by clinging to your spouse when he is preoccupied, you will only push him further away.
If you realize that you are an anxiously attached wife who often feels emotional hunger in the married life, you might go on to read the post below to learn more about how to stop being controlling and possessive in your marriage:
Controlling behavior causes – How to stop being controlling in your marriage.
The final word:
When your husband is preoccupied, if you don’t understand the secret of the male mind as described above, most likely you will have an impulse to push him away with a dramatic display of negative emotions; but when he feels you are attempting to shift his focus, usually he has also little tolerance for your behavior. A lot of otherwise happy marriages have already ended this way, so don’t let it happen again.
Instead, you should try to be the woman who can amaze him anytime; in any marriage, a husband needs a wife who can support him and understand him especially when he is beset with difficulties; for more tips on how to get into a man’s mind and become irreplaceable as the woman in his life, you might go on to watch the video below to follow the comprehensive guidance that is offered by Brad Browning, a marriage coach with 12+ years of experience:
Maybe, you are also interested in the related posts below:
How to deal with an emotionally distant husband – Make him open up.
What does it mean when you feel like your husband hates you?
Signs your husband is pulling away – Why he seems distant.
How to deal with your man’s ego – The male ego in marriage.
How to keep him obsessed with you – Your man’s secret obsession.
Why a husband lies to his wife – Signs of a lying husband.
Texts your husband will love – How to make him desire you again.