After settling into years of marriage, the initial spark may have already faded away. Work, household affairs, and parenting may take up a large part of your married life. The stressful lifestyle may leave you no time to take care of you and your man. And over time, maybe you have slowly forgotten how much you have ever loved and appreciated your husband, and you don’t treat him like you did at the beginning of your marriage. However, your man desires to feel your appreciation towards you all the time, probably nothing is more important than the feeling of being appreciated and respected in the relationship with you.
So do you really know the importance of making your husband feel appreciated?
In fact, how much a woman appreciates her man for what he does for her is much more important than what she does for him in return. More often than not, after a man does a nice thing for his woman, the woman chooses to express her appreciation by doing another nice thing for him. For example, after your husband spent a day carrying heavy things for you, you chose to cook delicious meals for him. Although it is worth doing nice things for him, it should not replace the need to verbally express your gratitude and appreciation. Maybe, after your husband does something nice for you, your husband expects nothing in return, and he only wants to feel appreciated by you.
Probably you know well you appreciate him in your heart, but he may not exactly know that unless you explicitly show appreciation. Even sometimes telling him something as simple as, “I appreciate your efforts, you always make me feel safe”, can dramatically stoke the fires of his love and commitment.
In short, your appreciation goes a long way towards your marriage.
The following are some practical ways on how to make your husband feel appreciated:
1 Accept your man for who he is:
No doubt, every man has his failings and strengths. But in a lot of marriages, wives are too hard on their husbands – they often nag their men, and they constantly make overly strict demands on their men just like bosses to employees, and even many times they do not realize that they have expected too much from their husbands. Then come back to the topic about your marriage, you might ask yourself whether you are attempting to transform your husband into the type of person who you just want him to be.
In addition, everyone grows and changes as time passes. When he is changing, so are you. Now that you chose him as your life-partner without regret, you should learn to accept his shortcomings and errors. Understandably, you must have had a perfect image of a good husband in your mind before marriage; and after marriage, you must hope that your man in real life can act like that kind of person, but gradually you have to admit that your husband can hardly become the perfect man who you expect him to be.
When you make frequent demands on your husband, you might ask yourself a question: are you a perfect wife? No doubt, a marriage should be a relationship of mutual acceptance – both parties need to learn to accept each other’s flaws and shortcomings. To make him feel appreciated, first you need to let him feel that you accept him unconditionally and fully.
2 Acknowledge what he does for you:
When other people give your spouse sincere appreciation for something that he does well, he may humbly say that he just does a thing that he ought to do. Usually, he feels comfortable with his way of speaking. However, a man is inclined to feel uncomfortable with others’ saying so, especially when this kind of words like “This is just what you ought to do as a husband” comes out from his woman’s mouth. Put yourself in his shoes, you will also feel unpleasant when your dedication to your spouse is taken for granted.
When your husband feels like you take him for granted, he naturally feels under-appreciated. In such a situation, you should remind yourself to recognize his effort in time after he has done something for you. For example, being the major provider of your family, if he pays your utility bills or the housing loan regularly, don’t regard it as something that he ought to do; and don’t think only significant things that he does deserve your appreciation. He also cares about trivial things that he does for you as well as the family, such as cleaning the house weekly, and taking the garbage out every day; so you might thank him for doing any positive thing for you, no matter how big or petty the thing is.
Furthermore, don’t expect perfection from your husband; sometimes, although he works hard at doing something for you, he makes some minor mistakes inevitably during the process, or the result does not exactly meet what you expect; in such a case, you do not have to whine about the results that could have been better.
3 Don’t interrupt him during an argument:
Arguments in marriage occur from time to time. At some point, you must have the temptation to interrupt him when he is talking, especially when you get into an intense argument about a controversial issue; however, interrupting is a rude and disrespectful thing anytime; and not only that, many times when you are interrupting him during an argument, you are attempting to defend yourself and criticize him by highlighting the mistakes in his claim.
Moreover, there can be another reason why you attempt to interrupt him during an argument – you just simply feel an urgent need to emphasize or explain your point of view that he misunderstands. But even so, you are still advised to let him finish what he means to say, because an unexpected interruption easily puts him off his stride, and thereby makes it hard for him to communicate his true thoughts and feelings. And in doing so, he will also be more willing to hear your point of view and feel less tempted to cut you short when it is your turn to talk.
As explained above, you should try your best to resist the temptation to interrupt his speech; surely, it is said easier than done, doing so requires some discipline, and it also takes time and effort to practice.
4 Don’t compare your husband with others:
When you talk about your husband with other people, avoid saying anything that may belittle him. Stick to this principle even though you’re having a private conversation with someone. And never compare him with other men, for any reason (e.g. his capability for work, driving skills, and temper) whatsoever. For him, that kind of comparison can be perceived as insulting. On this issue, you might put yourself in his place – if he compares your ability to make money with another woman, how will you feel? I bet you will also be unhappy with it. Therefore, when you chat with your friends and the topic centers on husbands, remind yourself not to gossip about your own man, and not to narrate a gaffe he has ever committed. Instead, give him more positive comments. When he knows positive things you said about him from other people, naturally, he feels joyful and appreciated.
5 Give him his own space:
When it comes to how to make your husband feel appreciated, always allowing him to have his own space is an important aspect. In a relationship, a man needs his privacy, and he wants to be left to himself once in a while. And keep in mind not to nag him for trifles, because he hates to be bothered by trifles, especially when he is distressing himself about something; in that case, you do not have to pester him to share his bad feelings, most likely he just wants to have more private space and time. Otherwise, you will only push him further. On the contrary, when you give him enough alone time while you notice that he looks thoughtful and unhappy, he thinks you understand him well, so he will appreciate you and be more likely to come around afterward.
6 Don’t expect too much of him:
Think carefully about what you expect from him; if you expect too much of him, that will only hinder your joy and place unnecessary strain on your man; once he fails to meet your high expectations, his spontaneity and love in the marriage start to diminish. And there is much truth in the adage “Behind every successful man there stands a woman”, so throw your full support behind him when he works hard to support the family; again, no need to set exceptionally high demands on your man; remember, happiness consists in contentment.
7 Ask him for advice:
Asking your husband for advice is a good way to make him feel appreciated. When you ask him something that he is knowledgeable about, it will not only keep him interested but also make him swell with pride. By the way, men differ greatly from women in a lot of fields (e.g. interests, hobbies, and thinking models). For example, a lot of women like to talk about the hottest beauty and fashion trends, while most men have little interest in them; therefore, if you ask him for advice on how to choose cosmetics, probably he can’t offer you any valuable tips and even shows no spark of interest because those things are not what he cares about daily, not to mention that he will feel appreciated when answering them. Generally, men want women to answer questions about career, business, sports, technology, politics…
In short, when you seek the knowledge or guidance that he is confident to offer on a matter, he naturally feels good about himself.
The final word:
Over time, a wife easily gets stuck in a draining routine, where she ignores those things that express love and appreciation to her husband. And yet men always love to be on the receiving end of a woman’s appreciation. Being appreciated is a man’s primary need that he feels reluctant to express. When your husband does not feel appreciated, he may procrastinate, lose his motivation, and get lazy, passive, insecure, and weak in married life.
If you want to learn more tips on how to make your husband feel appreciated and get him to commit to the marriage, you might go on to read the page below:
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