If your husband is often emotionally unavailable or distant to you, you tend to feel rejected, and his rejection hurts your feelings inevitably. When you resent him for his emotional distance or unavailability, probably your attention is so wholly focused on him that you easily ignore the negative implications of your inappropriate response; understandably, you may have internalized his rejection and become passive-aggressive afterward (retaliating through negative behaviors without admitting your anger openly) as you withdraw your affection silently; for example, you may have got used to responding to him using the intemperate language in the heat of the moment, or maybe now you always wear the dirty look every time he meets you. No doubt, this will only make things worse. And you need to learn to deal with your emotionally distant or unavailable man in a more positive manner.
The following are 6 tips on what to do when you feel rejected by your husband:
1 Be clear about your needs:
First of all, take your time to clarify what you desire/expect from your husband? Is it a need for closeness, openness, security, feeling wanted, or feeling important? Or is it a release of sexual tension? Do you wonder whether he is willing to be there for you, or do you wonder whether he truly cares about you more than anyone… For a lot of women who feel rejected by their husbands, they can feel like something is missing or something goes wrong in their relationships when rejected, but they fail to express their needs exactly when they have the opportunity to communicate with their husbands in depth. Hence, be clear about what is on your mind, and try to express your meaning in a short and concise manner; otherwise, how can you let him better understand you and meet your needs once he becomes willing to listen to you?
2 Make your husband feel like a man:
You must have realized that nagging, criticism, and complaining is becoming more and more ineffective, but you may still use these well-worn cliches when you feel rejected by your husband because it seems that you have no other way but to do so. In this case, you may consider the idea – asking him to do something for you to make him feel like a man. For example, you may try something like, “I miss the old days when you used to kiss and hug me. Can you keep me close to your chest again like before?”, “I have started to feel lonely since you have been away for some time. Can you take a weekend for me?”, “Can you lend me a hand in lifting the desk?”, or “Can you make an appointment for me with the doctor to get an examination?” Surely, this simple approach can not ensure that your husband will instantly become affectionate, but at least he will be more likely to act as you want than if you keep complaining or nagging.
In general, men want to feel needed in their marriages – men would like to help their women solve problems and fix issues because every man naturally has a hero instinct that leads to his devotion, commitment, and love when triggered.
For more tips on how to make your husband feel like a man, you might go on to read the post below:
How to make your husband feel like a man again.
3 Notice and appreciate what he did well:
If you want to earn more positive responses from your husband, properly showing appreciation to him can go a long way towards changing his cold attitude to you. The more you appreciate the good things that he does, the more he feels a sense of achievement and fulfillment, and the more motivated he is to do things in that direction. Yes, he must have done many things poorly in daily life and work, but there must also be all sorts of good things that he has done well; probably, you have been too focused on your husband’s bad part when you feel rejected by him, hence you are often tempted to nag and complain about how bad he is. What is worse, your nagging and complaining only contribute to hatred for each other, thereby promoting his stronger attitude of rejecting you.
To prevent the further worsening of the current situation, you are advised to consciously look for more good things about your husband when you feel rejected by him; as you notice more about his good part, there may be a wide shift in your attitude towards him. Only after you start to hold a positive attitude about those good things that he ever did, you can show sincere appreciation to him. So, you might voice your appreciation about all kinds of positive things he did for you that he cared, whether they are small or big.
4 Learn to spend time alone.
Although sometimes some of your needs only can be fulfilled by your husband, a lot of your needs can be met by yourself. And more often than not, your relationship can become better as you learn to love you increasingly well. Remember, marital life does not mean a couple has to be with each other every minute of the day, and there are still many times when you need to spend time alone or spend time with other people. In this respect, you should focus on how to spend your alone time; after all, your friends or family members can not always be by your side. Alone time in a marriage is normal and necessary, and it is a fact that many married women have trouble being alone from time to time; however, it is entirely possible to avoid feeling lonely in your marriage and feel happy on your own. For more tips on how to be happy alone after marriage, you might go on to read the post below:
Causes of loneliness – Tips to stop feeling lonely in marriage for wives.
5 Come out of the pain, don’t blame yourself and overcome insecurity:
When you find yourself upset, teary and heartbroken over your husband’s rejection, you should manage to shake off the pain. Don’t withhold yourself from speaking because you are badly in need of encouragement and comfort from other people, so you might talk to friends, family members who care about you, they would like to provide you support to lessen the pain.
In addition, your husband’s rejection may also cause you to feel vaguely insecure and isolated in the relationship; but as long as you can rule out the possibility that he is having an affair, such negative feelings are usually unnecessary; to stop being insecure in the relationship, you may try to distract yourself in various ways until the pain subsides; for example, you may consider spending more time engaging in physical activities that you are interested in, for example, you may go to a gym, play your favorite workout songs and get a good workout; or you may take a hike in the woods; in short, when you feel rejected by your husband, no need to sit around at home feeling insecure and sad, keeping physically active is much more beneficial for improving your mood.
No matter which form of rejection you receive from your husband, probably you have a feeling that you are not good enough for him when hearing that he is unwilling to be with you, then you may start to ask yourself what is wrong with you and even question your self-worth. Although it is not easy not to take people’s rejection personally, it is important to do so, especially within a marital relationship, because his rejection may have little to do with you (sometimes it may be about his fears, worries, insecurities, or other unknown issues that are not involved with you).
6 Communicate in a loving manner:
When you feel rejected by your husband, you need to tell him specifically what he is doing makes you feel that way, but make a point of communicating with him in a loving manner. While speaking to him, don’t raise your voice or make threats, just try to let him know the kind of response that you want to receive from him; and meanwhile, demonstrate your commitment to keeping the marriage alive.
If he doesn’t respond as you want, you should also not fight fire with fire because that kind of counter-productive behavior will only push him further away. And never rush things while you are communicating with him, although rejection is often like a hard pill to swallow – his rejection can create your feelings of shame, embarrassment, denial, and hostility. After he rejects you on a certain issue, allow yourself time to take the rejection slowly and process your other negative feelings. At the same time, your husband also needs space and time to process his feelings, and reflect what he did to you. In doing so, a lot of potential awkwardness can be avoided. Surely, the length of time you need to wait can vary from situation to situation; however, in such a situation, you can follow one simple rule of thumb – wait until you are sure that you can talk to him over the issue again without getting emotional.
The final word:
Various forms of rejections are common in marital relationships because it is impossible that both spouses can feel the same on everything. So, the next time you feel rejected, keep in mind what you should do is to adopt a resilient mindset and work on better ways to deal with your negative feelings, instead of responding to his rejection in an abrupt way.
However, if you have been sick of being the one who has to launch conversations, of feeling unwanted and unaccepted, it is very likely a sign that there is something seriously wrong with your marriage; on the other hand, if you constantly feel rejected by your husband, probably it highlights a problem – you are no longer so attractive to him because of your certain flaws, shortcomings or wrongdoings; anyway, it is time to work hard to rebuild connection and improve yourself. In this case, you might go on to watch the video below; it offers more tips on what you can do to fix the failing marriage when you feel rejected by your husband:
Maybe, you are also interested in the related posts below:
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What does it mean when you feel like your husband hates you?
9 simple tips on how to be irresistible to your husband again.
How to attract your husband emotionally – 6 tips to attract him towards you.
Why you feel unloved by your husband – How to save your marriage.