Have you ever felt confused about why he pulled away when everything seemed to go well? Or have you long wondered how to win your man’s love, attention, and devotion for your married life? If so, you need to gain a more thorough understanding of what every man secretly wants; and you had better figure it out on your own, because probably he thinks it is aggressive to express some of his secret needs to you.
And the following points out 6 things that every man secretly wants his woman to understand.
1 Be emotionally supportive:
Deep down in a man’s heart, he desires to have a woman who can be his devoted supporter all the time. So your husband also wants you to be on his side when he needs support, regardless of the situation. And being emotionally supportive is a broad concept, but the principal aspects below are worth noting:
- Be proactive about asking him questions:
When you are trying to offer emotional support to him, asking some questions can be a good place to start. Surely, a broad question like “How can I support you?” may also make him pour out to you his feelings, but it is not the best approach. Although good intentions lie behind this type of question, it may fail to have the good impact that you desire. Why? It is because your man may also not know well what he needs or wants when he is stuck in a difficult situation. Hence, it may leave him unsure of how to reply.
Instead, you might try to ask a question that is more tailored to his situation or his state of mind, such as “I know you have been going through a tough time due to your hectic work, do you feel better now?”, and “Today you seem a bit upset, would you like to tell me what is wrong?”
And surely, if you realize your man is meeting some challenges but you have no idea how to open a conversation, it is okay to start with a general question like “What happened to you lately?”
Furthermore, keep your questions open-ended rather than ask him to give you an instant yes/no answer. This helps invite an explanation and keep a conversation going.
- Show verbal affirmation:
Don’t assume that your man will always be able to read your mind exactly and know well that you will care for him. Many times, if you do not affirm your husband verbally in time, he will misunderstand you; for example, he may feel like you purposely ignore him, or he may feel like that you don’t agree with what he is saying. There can be power in your words. Your verbal affirmation lets your man know exactly that you are affirming him; especially when you are speaking those words of affirmation love language, your man will be pleased.
As for how to deal with a love relationship, men are much more sensible than women; in this sense, men would rather hear those reasons behind their women’s love versus expression of their women’s love.
- Stop being judgmental:
Nobody likes to feel judged. A difficult situation in a marriage may result from a spouse’s self-judgment that undermines the ability to connect with the other one. Every time a spouse feels unfairly judged by the other one, the spouse hurts, the relationship hurts. If unchecked, self-judgment can turn into a relationship killer because it can create a relationship rift so wide that the relationship issues might reach the point of unresolvable.
Your harsh judgment tells your man it is not okay to be himself, and it shows that you are looking down at what he does in his life as not acceptable, or not good enough for you. Especially when your man is showing his vulnerability to you and seeking emotional support, he does not want to hear your critique, even though your criticism is constructive with good intentions. In this situation, you might keep your opinion on what he should have done or where things went wrong for him.
So you might ask yourself how many times you passed judgment on your man. And if you admit that you are kind of judgmental in the relationship, it is time to change yourself; maybe, you should avoid asking those questions that he may interpret as judgmental or blaming, such as, “So, that is the reason you get mad at me!” maybe, you should change your tone of voice (although sometimes you don’t offer direct criticism or judgment, your tone still conveys some negative emotions); or maybe, you should focus more on feelings like compassion and sympathy towards him…
2 Give him enough space:
Marriage tends to make a woman more dependent. Why? It is generally because women are more emotionally driven and thus need more interaction and contact to feel satisfied and connected in a long-term relationship (For example, most wives desire to talk a lot more than their husbands when they have stress or a stubborn problem going on in their life). However, a man desires more personal space than a woman, especially when he is in trouble; and giving personal space is an elaborate, unconscious dance – nobody can tell you how much space you should give him, and it is up to you. But if you always deal with this issue purely out of your own perspective, you will easily misunderstand that your man is as dependent as you are. And when your man thinks that you are too dependent, needy, or clingy in the relationship, he feels resentful and disappointed.
In short, being overly needy is a trait that can turn a man off. Sooner or later, a man will feel sick and tired of dealing with a needy woman. So if your husband complains that you are needy, you may need to learn how to back off more and respect him as he is.
For more tips, you might go on to read the post below:
How to overcome codependency in marriage – Fix the marriage.
3 Protect his ego:
The ego is a word that sounds to be a bit negative. But on a positive side, the male ego can be viewed as a man’s sense of value and worth. Maybe, you haven’t understood how fragile the male ego is in a love relationship.
Probably like many other men, your man appears articulate and confident on the outside, and not many situations can phase him; in the view of outsiders, he seems to not have any problems with his sense of self-esteem and worth; he doesn’t go for people’s recognition, and he doesn’t mind whether people like him because he knows well that he can’t be everyone’s cup of tea; he appears to be a secure man in public. Nevertheless, there must be one person whose view/opinion/approval matters greatly to him. Who? It is you. His ego will easily get bruised if you look down upon him.
Of course, protecting his ego does not mean that you have to coddle him as if you were his mother; and yet for the sake of the relationship, at least you need to handle it with care.
When it comes to what every man secretly wants from his woman, protecting his ego must be at the top of the list; hence, every woman should attach enough importance to it.
For more tips, you might go on to read the posts below:
How to deal with your man’s ego – The male ego in marriage.
10 tips on how to boost your husband’s ego – stroke his ego.
How to make your husband feel like a man again.
4 Respect him:
Men crave respect more than love in a marriage, while women crave love and affection more than respect. For a man, respect is the first factor affecting his willingness to work hard for a long-term relationship. In married life, most of a man’s behavior can be understood through the lens of his desire to achieve respect and appreciation.
In any relationship, a man desires to feel perceived as able, competent, and worthy of respect; and this is even more so for marriage; and respect should be viewed as the cornerstone of a healthy marriage.
On the other hand, respect is not given but earned; therefore, while you are showing respect to him, you need to let him feel that he is receiving your respect that he deserves; for more tips, you might go on to read the post below:
5 tips on how to make your husband feel loved and respected.
5 Push him to be better:
When you push your man to be a better version of him, he feels he needs you. Unfortunately, many women haven’t realized this. Most men don’t want their women to be a doormat, especially if they have a submissive parent who allows them to get away with everything.
The majority of men know well how competitive life can be. In order to feel good about themselves, get ahead, and achieve a better life, they constantly remind themselves to work hard and push themselves. And in married life, they also hope that their women to understand this, and they secretly want their women to remind them not to slack from time to time.
Pushing your man and criticizing him is not the same thing; be careful not to confuse them. For instance, when your man is unemployed, pushing him to get a job is a good thing; by contrast, if you just criticize him for being stupid and lazy, your behavior is negative because you are attacking his character.
Therefore, as a wife, you should strive to improve your husband’s personal growth and development. The more he feels that you are dispensable to him, the more devoted he will be to you. Nobody wants to dump something/somebody that is thought to be precious. And hence, once your man sees you as the unique woman who is important and valuable to him, he will treasure the relationship, and he will work hard to make you feel more loved and secure.
6 Make him feel appreciated:
Another secret about men that a lot of women overlook is that men desire to feel appreciated. A lot of women are so focused on what they do that they overlook what their men do. For example, if you were thirty minutes late to your date, you just said to your man, “I’m sorry, I’m late.” You forgot to show your appreciation by saying, “Thank you for waiting for so long, I appreciate your patience.”
The appreciative act should be twofold – It should not only make your man feel good but also encourage him to do more nice things for you; in turn, you will also feel good. This creates a win-win situation for both you and your man.
In fact, when it comes to a woman’s appreciation towards her man, he does not expect his woman to do much for him in return; most of the time, he just wants his woman to recognize what he has done for her.
Surely, women also desire to receive appreciation from their men; but if women show appreciation in the way that they assume, their men may not feel appreciated. For more tips, you might go on to read the post below:
How to make your husband feel appreciated – show him appreciation
The final word:
Every man would like to devote himself to a worthy cause. Therefore, to keep your man devoted, you need to make him feel you are worthy of love.
If you want to learn more about what every man secretly wants and how to make your man devoted to you, you might go on to watch the video below to follow the comprehensive guidance that is offered by Brad Browning, a marriage coach with 12+ years of experience:
Maybe, you are also interested in the related posts below:
What a husband expects from his wife in marriage – A man’s needs.
How to keep your husband happy and faithful – Be a better wife.
9 simple tips on how to be irresistible to your husband again.
How to keep your husband’s attention – Rekindle the fire in your marriage.
What to do when your husband rejects you sexually – What does it mean.
How to spice up the bedroom for him – Get out of a sexual rut.
Why you feel unloved by your husband – How to save your marriage.