Do you feel like your husband is emotionally drifting away from you? Maybe, his once undivided attention on you is waning now; maybe he seems always to have reasons to avoid staying with you… You are plagued by negative thoughts like “He no longer cares about me!”, and “He does not love me!”; even you may start to feel resentful towards him. You think spending quality time together is a constant trait that every marriage should have, and you would not like to compromise on it.
If you are confused about why your husband does not want to spend time with you, the reasons below may guide you:
(1) Your husband is under pressure from himself:
It is necessary to keep in mind that men and women react differently when faced with a lot of pressure. When a woman feels overwhelmed by pressure, she is inclined to unburden her soul to others; but a man’s reaction is probably to withdraw and try to figure things out on his own; at that time, he does not want others to disturb him. This type of reaction may make his woman feel like he has emotionally checked out of the relationship. And a man may have never exhibited this uncomfortable trait when he and his woman were at a cozy stage of dating. At that stage, he was very aware that he needed to bring out his best in front of his beloved; likewise, when a relationship is still unstable, a woman may also try to avoid uncovering something bad/negative about her true personality in front of her man; so this should not be regarded as a man’s hypocrisy.
So when your husband doesn’t want to spend time with you, you might think about whether he is handling outside pressure; if you notice the sign, you might console yourself that he needs some time to himself. Understandably, you feel shut out at that time; but if you complain about the emotional distance between you and him, it will put him under more pressure, and things will only get worse. The right thing you can do is to be consistent in showing your emotional support – Let him know that you and he are always on the same boat and that you will stand firmly by him through difficulties irrespective of the circumstances that he faces.
(2) He finds you boring:
In a long-term relationship, familiarity can be both a blessing and a curse. It can be a blessing because familiarity can help a spouse predict the other one’s likes, dislikes, needs, and reactions to things that are going to happen. But on the other hand, it can also make a spouse play against the other as it robs the sense of mystery, surprise, and romance; when a couple started dating, a spouse may find everything that the other did exciting and fascinating; but after years of married life, a spouse may feel that everything in the relationship seems to become dull and even boring. Especially for a husband who has been married for years, his woman may realize a great loss of his affection towards her.
So when your husband doesn’t want to spend with you, if you are sure that nothing bad has happened in your married life recently, you might reflect on whether the long-term relationship has hit the boredom rut.
(3) You often flake on him:
Probably, your inconsistencies have started to get to him. For example, you promised to do something with your husband, but you canceled it last minute; when you repeat the pattern, again and again, he may also develop some kind of withdraw mode to exclude you in his future plans. In this situation, it does not necessarily mean your husband does not want to spend time with you, it is just because he has got accustomed to assuming that you will not spend time with him. In other words, he has got tired of the feeling of being rejected. In such a situation, you might put yourself in his shoes, would you want to be disappointed by his frequent rejection. To fix this kind of relationship problem, you should follow through with things that you and your husband set out to plan together; even though you have to cancel something planned due to some unavoidable reasons, make sure to explain it clearly to him, rather than flake simply and let him feel like that you don’t wanna stay with him.
(4) He has already developed other priorities:
Your man could act withdrawn because he has changed his priorities. And there are a lot of things that can cause him to do so; for example, a man may love competition and like the feeling of winning, so sometimes he may get carried away by such a strong urge to a degree where he ignores other aspects of his life and even starts to fall apart. In such a case, he tends to act withdrawn because he has changed his priorities. In other words, sometimes there is something he puts above spending time with you; maybe your man does also not realize that you feel ignored by him; so what should you do? You do not have to compete with his priorities; instead, just observe him closely, and be there to support him when he needs your assistance; maybe in doing so, you will bring to his notice within a shorter time.
(5) He feels that you are no longer interested in what he does:
When your husband doesn’t want to spend time with you, you might take some time to think back to the times when your man came home grinning with excitement and delight to share something that happened in his daily life, what was your reaction? Did you act cold or distant? For example, did you just give a fake nod; or maybe even, did you just sleep off at that moment? If you did so, you must be aware that those negative or fake responses could cause him to think you no longer care about him.
In particular, when you are pretending to care rather than to show a genuine interest in what he does/says, don’t assume that he can not tell it over time. Therefore, you might ask yourself whether you have acted as an outstanding actress in front of your husband for a long time; if so, you should be there for him and make continuous efforts to pay your sincerity. Specifically, you do not have to disturb him, but you might show your appreciation for his hard work ethic when you notice that he had made great progress in what he is engaged in, and you might encourage him to do better when he faces up to difficulties.
(6) You two no longer share similar interests:
A shared interest is one of the non-negligible, important factors of maintaining a long-term relationship. However, everything is changing, and a partner may outgrow the other at some point. Probably, when you were newly married, you and your husband had a lot of common interests, such as jogging, swimming, hiking, and bicycling. Those interests helped maintain the bond between you two; but now, you may have to spend a lot of time raising children, you may like to keep yourself indoors like watching movies at home, or your husband’s career has occupied much of his life, then one or both of you can no longer spend time on common interests like before, and some interests are dropped; in addition, after years of married life, the two of you may also no longer have the strong curiosity to discover and share each other’s new interests; such a series of changes may make him less willing to spend quality time with you like before.
In other words, for a couple who wants to keep a marriage alive, it should be an ongoing and proactive process to keep discovering each other’s new interests in married life.
(7) Your husband is going through a hard time:
If you have been married to your husband for some time, I bet you have been aware that the long-term relationship can not always be rosy and that it inevitably goes through rough patches; sometimes, when a spouse experiences loss or failure that is outside of the relationship, it can result in marital turbulence. If this is your man’s case, you do not have to ask him to be fully open about it because his ego may have become very fragile at that point; furthermore, you had better not complain that he grieves for too long; this will only make him feel invalidated. When you don’t proactively validate his grievous feelings, he does not feel like he is your significant half, therefore, he may pull further away from you emotionally.
(8) He has shifted his sexual appetite:
As we all know, sex is always an integral part of a long-term relationship. When sex is neglected, it may make a couple suffer from a lack of intimacy. And if a man develops an attachment to things or persons that can arouse him sexually, he will be hardly excited by his woman. For example, if a man becomes addicted to porn, he may lose the sexual desire for his woman. Another example, if a man has an affair whether it is an emotional or physical affair, he may lose the sexual appetite for his woman, and she can easily realize that he feels reluctant to have sex with her.
Therefore, when your husband does not want to spend time with you, you might observe whether he is still in the mood for sex. If he seems uninterested in having sex with you, this may be a complex issue that you need to handle. If you have no idea how to improve the situation, you might go on to read the posts below:
How to deal with a spouse’s emotional affair – Save the marriage.
How to improve sexual intimacy – Keep a happy marriage .
How to spice up the bedroom for him – Get out of a sexual rut.
The final word:
As described above, there are many reasons why your husband does not want to spend time with you. So you do not have to jump to a conclusion about your husband’s drifting away. And you had better remain patient and calm when he refuses to spend time with you.
If you feel the need to repair your marriage, you might go on to read the page below to follow the comprehensive guidance that is offered by Brad Browning, a marriage coach with 12+ years of experience:
Make your husband obsess about you again – 3 key steps to remain happily married.