Sometimes a wife may feel confused and frustrated after she has strived to understand her husband as much as possible but has failed. Men’s and women’s brains are different; therefore, it is normal that a husband and a wife diverge at some point; and if a wife just looks at relationship issues from the perspective of women, it is hard for her to truly understand her man. Furthermore, a husband’s emotional needs vary from person to person; but anyway, there are some common, important things that every husband needs from his wife.
Next, let’s discuss a series of basic needs of a husband:
1 He wants to feel admired:
A husband wants to feel admired by his wife, be it for his strength, bravery, brain, or other masculine traits. In particular, every husband occasionally asks himself whether he is good enough or masculine enough for his wife; and if his wife often makes him feel like he fails to meet her expectations, he feels quite disappointed and deeply abandoned.
Once a husband feels likes that his wife is comparing him with other men and trying to show him up, he becomes particularly sensitive to things his/her wife says; even though she says something without the intention of casting aspersions on her man, he still perceives it as the implied criticism/judgment/comment. For example, when a wife comments on a hefty-looking man in movies, a man who is very successful in his career, probably her husband will not feel admired because this naturally gives him a sense that he is inferior to those men. Another example, if a couple struggles financially and the wife often complains about being poor, the husband may hear that as ”She is complaining that I am not good enough!”
Surely, showing admiration does not mean you have to brag about your husband. And your husband just wishes that his success/achievements can be proportional to the communication of your admiration for him.
For a husband, it is not sex that he wants most from his wife. He wants most to be admired, and he thinks sex is just one manifestation of her admiration for him.
2 He wants to feel needed:
With the progress of society, female independent consciousness is greatly enhanced. And even a lot of women are confident that they can still live fine without any dependency on their men. But a husband will feel reluctant to be in a marriage when he feels like an accessory of his wife. Such psychology is closely related to a man’s fragile ego.
If you regard yourself as a very independent woman and you are always trying to gain control of your life, you need to be aware that sometimes your independent lifestyle can make him misunderstand that you do not need him; in this situation, you might think about doing something to make him realize that he is always an important puzzle piece in your life. And here are some practical suggestions:
- When you realize that your husband is trying to make you happy, you should appreciate his effort.
- Actively ask him for help/advice when you know he is good at doing something.
- Allow yourself to be vulnerable with your husband.
- Show your affection from time to time. For example, you might run your fingers through your man’s hair or cuddle him up when he acts cute; or you might actively share something that has never been known to him, this can make him feel that he has come closer to you.
- When he is not around you, don’t forget to send him some sweet “I miss you” texts.
- Don’t easily reject your husband’s proposal even though you just can’t agree with him on an issue; remember, the more you reject him, the more likely he is to feel brought down and doubt the relationship with him.
3 He wants his woman to be supportive:
Support can come in a variety of forms. You might offer physical support to him when his body is hurt and he has trouble walking or standing; you might assist him financially when he is in a tight spot with money; even though sometimes you can not provide any material assistance, some words of encouragement may help lift him up emotionally.
Maybe sometimes your husband looks preoccupied because he comes up against serious problems in his work, sometimes he is in a bad mood when he has to deal with tough family issues, or maybe sometimes he becomes distant when he is overburdened and stressed out… Whatever the situation may be, you should be aware of how to make him feel supported by you. In particular, there are times when your husband just wants to leave himself alone or he wants to solve problems by himself without any interference; in this case, you do not have to do anything to him; and if you still try to do something to help him, your action will be perceived as being rude, distracting, and annoying; therefore, you might just tell him that you are always there for him.
4 He wants to feel like a “hero”:
Every wife should not ignore her husband’s hero instinct. In general, a husband is conscious that he should not be a male chauvinist; but due to the hero instinct which is a man’s innate desire to feel like a hero to his woman, subconsciously he still thinks he is supposed to play a dominant role in his marriage. For example, sometimes when his wife complains that he does not get a job well done and that he should change, he feels criticized; even though his wife just gives normal feedback, he may still subconsciously feel weak and attacked, then he may instantly become out of sorts and seem uncomfortable with accepting her demands and feedback; but usually, he will recover quickly; therefore a wife should be aware of such a subtle psychological change of his husband, rather than over-interpret it.
On the other hand, it is easier for the majority of women to accept that they themselves naturally have flaws and weaknesses; but they do not treat their men in the same way; they set a higher standard for their men because they are inclined to think that their men are supposed to be more “powerful” and take more responsibility. Especially when a wife gives productive feedback about an issue to his husband but he is unwilling to follow it, she may feel that he is so stupid, inadequate, or weakling; and even she may feel the need to address the issue all by herself; this starts to create challenges and tension in the relationship; during the process, the wife’s tone of voice may change, and her words may sound irritating; this makes him less of a man because he feels that his wife is trying to replace his dominate role.
5 He wants to feel affirmed:
A husband would rather than hear the reasons why his wife loves him than any expression of love. A wife may assume that his husband has already known that he is the most special and important person in her world. But even so, a husband still wants to hear his wife’s words of affirmation. There is power in verbal affirmation. If a wife seldom affirms her husband, he may feel like his woman does not care for him. The same goes for a wife. If a wife seldom feels affirmed by her husband, she may feel like her man does not care for her.
A wife should not tear her husband down:
When a wife is tearing her husband down, she is reinforcing his feelings of inadequacy; and if she gradually becomes accustomed to tearing her man down, it tends to become a self-fulfilling prophecy – the more a wife focuses her attention on what her man does wrong, the more likely he is to feel like a loser in the relationship. Once a husband is not convinced that he is the greatest man in his wife’s mind, he feels very disappointed and depressed, and probably he will entertain the thought of seeking affirmation somewhere or from people outside his marriage.
How much do you understand your husband’s emotional needs?
Chances are that you know well your husband’s band, sports team, and favorite food, but you should dive into something deep, such as what he values in his married life, what his goals are in his married life, and how he expects his woman to treat him; and when it comes to those priorities that define your husband, do you think carefully about how he sees the family, whether you have always driven him to be the best, the best qualities that he desires in you… A lot of his needs are so subtle; but as you seriously look for them, they become more and more obvious. For instance, you might notice those things that he often talks about, what makes his eyes light up suddenly, what makes him get up early in the morning… Of course, what he needs is a very broad question that doesn’t have an exact answer; but by paying attention to details of his daily behavior, you can gain more insight into his personality and what makes him happy. And the more you support those essential parts that define who he is, the more irreplaceable you will become for him.
For more marriage-saving tips on how to strengthen the relationship with your husband and remain happily married, you might go on to watch the video below to follow the comprehensive guidance that is offered by Brad Browning, a marriage coach with 12+ years of experience:
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