You may have been married to your spouse for a long time, but now your marriage is failing, and you feel frustrated and depressed in your married life, and you realize that your marriage comes to a point where you should consider divorce or going on to stay in it; so, is your marriage worth saving? You must feel that it is quite difficult to make a decision on this significant issue.
Yes, there are a variety of issues can cause couples to divorce, but many times, things are not as bad as we think – probably when you are very frustrated with your relationship status and you think it is time to give up on the relationship, there is still hope, and it is still worthwhile for you to make continuous efforts in saving the marriage.
To help you gain a balanced view of the marriage crisis, the following talks about 3 common marital issues that are dangerous for marriage:
(1) You got into a big fight with your spouse:
At some point, quite a few married couples who get into a big fight find themselves on the brink of divorce; in the heat of the moment, one or both parties may threaten divorce to end the argument or fight, but most of those couples don’t get divorced eventually after they restore their peace of mind and become rational. In fact, almost all couples can hardly avoid fighting fiercely over certain critical or controversial issues.
Yes, big fights have ruined a lot of relationships. But meanwhile, you should not ignore the other side – a lot of people in an intimate relationship (e.g. couples, friends, and family members) fight with each other now and then, but their relationships get enhanced after an overwhelming fight or argument. So, you must be aware that it is normal to have a big fight in a relationship. Even though you choose to end the marriage and get married again, you will still have to learn how to better deal with fighting in marriage. In healthy marriages, couples draw lessons from those past fights and arguments, and they know well how important it is to fight fair to resolve marital conflict. And if you just don’t know how to yet, the posts below may give you some insights:
How to fight fair with your spouse – Fight in a healthy way.
6 tips on how to make up with your spouse after a fight.
Top 5 things married couples fight about – Most common fights in marriage.
Get back to the main point: is your marriage worth saving after you had a huge row with your spouse? First of all, you have to calm yourself down and let things settle down naturally; if you are still feeling confused and angry now, you should focus on easing your mind rather than urgently think about further issues; otherwise, probably you will regret your impulsive actions sooner or later.
Maybe a big fight produces various negative feelings that are painful to endure, but generally, such negative feelings will subside gradually as long as you forbear from acting on your impulse; and as long as you consciously control the negative emotions (e.g. hatred, sadness, resentment, and angry) during and after a fight, the fight will be more likely to turn into a rational discussion that promotes the healing of the relationship.
Sometimes, couples can fight over a small matter or an unnecessary issue without intention, this type of fight can escalate to intense fights if it is left unchecked, and the related problems could have faded away soon if couples apologized to each other (but the pity is that it is quite difficult for a lot of people to simply say “sorry” to their spouses, maybe it is because they are too caught up in who is right and who is wrong, or maybe it is because they think that apologizing to their spouses means that they admit their defeat…) And even if couples have to confront an awkward or knotty issue like infidelity, but as long as both parties can stick to discussing in an open manner and adopt advice from other helpful people, it is possible to complete a detailed agreement that can ensure the longevity of the marriage.
(2) You feel more like roommates than lovers:
Some couples decide to get a divorce when their marriage life becomes a boring and dull routine. In such a relationship, both spouses feel difficult to keep the spark in their marriages. If this problem happens to you, is your marriage worth saving when your spouse feels more like a friend than a lover? If you choose divorce just because you feel that your marriage life is so routine and boring, the decision will be hasty. The majority of couples can hardly keep the spark alive for their whole married life, and it is normal for couples to go through various challenges and rough patches at some stage. To overcome these challenges, the spouses’ hard work and love are required. In the world, numerous old married couples are dedicating efforts and time to rebuild intimacy and rekindle the spark, and they have used their actual actions to prove that it is worth trying to save a marriage when it has lost the spark.
Here are 2 key points to bring the spark back to your marriage:
- Redevelop compassion:
Everyone has merits and demerits, your spouse is also not exceptional; as a necessary step to redevelop compassion, you should fully accept your spouse for worse or for better. This aims to let your spouse feel that you will always be there for him/her whatever happens.
- Connect rather than just co-exist:
Communicating with each other seems to be a no-brainer. In a failing marriage, sometimes couples will also have to talk to each other. But that does not belong to the type of positive communication that can bring about improvements in a relationship. As we all know, many happy couples are accustomed to spending some time on communicating with each other every day, whatever the topic is. To improve your relationship, you also need to develop a consistent pattern to communicate with your spouse.
After rebuilding and maintaining a regular connection with your spouse, you will realize that you will no longer just co-exist at home.
(3) Marriage-threatening issues always can’t be resolved:
Many problematic couples are not in denial of the existence of marriage-threatening issues, but due to certain reasons, they are also afraid to admit something is wrong with their relationships; instead, they keep pretending that everything goes well with them. Such an attitude towards their marriages will only aggravate the already bad situation, bringing the relationship to a point where it is more and more difficult to save.
So, is your marriage worth saving in case marital problems remain unresolved for a long time and even have become worse and worse? Well, as long as ultimately you are both willing to discuss and hand those problems, the marriage is still worth saving. And you must be aware that your marriage will not have long-term vitality if you just try to hold on to the failing relationship without admitting and addressing the serious problems.
As to the reason why those problems can continue to exist for so long, in addition to realizing the seriousness of those problems, you also have to recognize that their existence is rooted in a serious flaw in your relationship – the lack of effective communication skills. No matter how serious an issue is, it always needs a solution or at least a way to cope with it. So when facing a controversial issue, you both should learn how to properly put forward different views and discuss together in due course, rather than sideline the issue all the time.
And for all the couples who want to keep their marriages alive, they must develop a set of effective communication techniques to work together to better deal with various marital problems; and this is a normal but difficult phase that they have to go through. In short, if you are frustrated by some serious relationship problems that always can’t be resolved, it is necessary to make a point of improving the quality of your communication in your relationship. For more tips on how to better communicate with your spouse, you might go on to read the posts below:
How to have effective communication in marriage.
4 annoying habits that cause communication barriers in marriage.
The final word:
Probably some marital issues may be much more complex and overwhelming than you imagine, and sometimes you may feel that you could do no more to fix them. In this case, is your marriage worth saving? If you are puzzled by this difficult question, you might go on to read the post below that helps you assess your relationship’s save-ability again:
Should you save your marriage – questions to evaluate your marriage.
And for more tips on how to save your marriage life, you might also go on to read the page below to follow the comprehensive guidance that is offered by Brad Browning, a marriage coach with 12+ years of experience; he will share with you a series of proven tips to save a failing marriage and make it thrive again:
Maybe, you are also interested in the related posts below:
How to save a failing marriage alone – Try to save your marriage.
7 common things that ruin a marriage slowly – Save your marriage.