What does it take to have a long-lasting happy marriage? Couples will give different answers to this question. But anyway, there are a series of consistent and firm principles that couples should adhere to.
And the basic suggestions below will assist in your efforts to strengthen your marriage:
1 Turn conflict into moments of strength:
Inevitably, every long-term relationship has its moments of conflict. And when marital conflict can’t be managed constructively, it can drive a wedge between the two of you. But anyway, as long as you can establish and adhere to a series of principles for handling marital conflict, your marriage can survive those moments of anger, criticism, and complaints.
And there is also no need to hold a completely negative attitude towards conflict; from another perspective, marital conflict provides an opportunity for growth as a couple. A long-lasting marriage is bound to get through rough patches one after another. Objectively speaking, intense or long-standing conflict is harmful to marital relationships; but most of the time, conflict is not irresolvable and it can turn into moments of unification ultimately as long as you keep working on conflict resolution rather than avoid it. Remember, dealing with marital conflict is a matter of patience, willpower, and strategy.
For more tips, you might go on to read the post below:
How to defuse conflict in marriage – Calm down a heated argument.
2 Schedule intimate time:
Maybe, you have been married for many years; you think there is no need to schedule time for intimacy and that it feels odd. Though a lot of marriage experts have indicated that regularly scheduling intimate time is a necessary way to keep a long lasting marriage. After all, we live hectic lives; our time may be fully engaged by unexpected or unpredictable things if we don’t schedule intimate time daily, weekly, or monthly; frankly speaking, sometimes it is not so easy for married couples to spontaneously have the collective free time.
In particular, intimate time does not mean an expensive, big night out. It just means the time when you two can get outside of your home, away from jobs, kids, and any other responsibilities. So you could dine at your favorite restaurant, attend a concert together, or go for a long walk in the woods. The key point is to have some free time to talk.
Scheduling intimate time does not just help maintain physical intimacy; by making this thing a priority, it can have a wide positive impact on the relationship, such as rekindling passion, boosting romance, fostering open communication, and improving the sense of commitment.
3 Accept your spouse’s flaws:
Nobody is perfect. Your spouse is not perfect either. However, when it comes to what you want from your spouse, sometimes you may be fussy, overcritical, and harsh without realizing it in time. When you can’t tolerate your spouse’s flaws, you grow resentful of him/her.
The most beautiful thing about marriage is that couples love each other despite each other’s flaws. So when you are tempted to complain about your spouse’s flaws, you might remind yourself you are not perfect either and that he/she is accepting of your flaws and patient with you.
Even if some of your spouse’s flaws are too big to ignore, make sure to address them politely and openly and discuss with him/her whether or not there are places where he/she is willing to improve.
4 Develop teamwork in your marriage:
A long lasting happy marriage must be a relationship in which both partners know how to lean on each other’s strengths and function as a team. For example, if a wife is better at financial management, then her husband should allow her to take charge of the budget; if a husband is better at planning, his wife should allow him to map out plans for family activities. As on a football squad, every player should fully use his/her talents and techniques, and meanwhile, work with the other teammates for the good of the entire team. If one player attempts to do all the things that a team should do, the team suffers inevitably; and if one player is stubborn and insists on playing a disadvantageous position, the team can also hardly work well together.
For more tips, you might go on to read the post below:
How to be a team with your spouse – develop teamwork in marriage
5 Mutual respect:
Loyalty and trust come from mutual respect; and mutual respect is the foundation on which a long lasting happy marriage is built. When a couple respects each other, they value each other, support each other, cheer each other on, treat each other with patience and kindness, are considerable of each other…
Mutual respect is a simple concept: a couple should view each other’s thoughts, wishes, values as worthy of serious consideration; in other words, the two of you should treat each other courteously and thoughtfully; respectful behavior is not only the presence of positive behavior but also the avoidance of negative behavior; to start from your own, you should avoid rudely treating your spouse; specifically, you should avoid engaging in name-calling, you should not demean or insult your spouse regardless of the situation, and you should not ignore your spouse or talk sarcastically to your spouse when you and your spouse have a bitter argument… No doubt, it is said easier than done; you need to make a consistent effort to respectfully treat your spouse.
6 Accept each other’s differences:
A person’s core values and character are hard to change because they make a person who he/she is. Likewise, you should not force your spouse to change for you. And it is also impossible to find a couple who does everything in the same way. Being somewhat different from your spouse not only can generate disagreement between you two but also can make the relationship more fulfilling, exciting, and fun. And marriage is bound to be a life-long process of understanding each other’s differences and offering grace as a couple learns to embrace them.
To some extent, accepting differences is compromise; and compromise is an essential part of putting two individuals together. And as long as both spouses are willing to give things up or make adjustments for the sake of a long lasting happy marriage, compromise can be an acceptable option.
7 Accept there are ups and downs:
Marriage is full of ups and downs just like a roller-coaster: you can have extreme highs and you can also have extreme lows, but the ride is worth it. Marriage is a commitment that we make for a lifetime. Since you have gotten into the roller-coaster, you should maintain a solid commitment to ride it out; remember, this kind of roller-coaster is not designed for people to get off at will until it stops at its end.
From time to time, you might remind yourself that it is inevitable to experience ups and downs on the journey of marriage. In doing so, you are more likely to maintain a sense of calm and balance when going through the ups and downs in the relationship.
8 Plan for your future:
Without future plans, a long-term relationship will stagnate sooner or later. Likewise, if you and your spouse have no future plans, you will have no destination, and your journey of marriage will become stale
In fact, after you got married, there are a wide of things you need to discuss and look forward to; maybe, you haven’t paid enough attention to them. Understandably, if you are still in the honeymoon phase, you enjoy living in the present and you don’t want to think about the future too much. But when the honeymoon phase is over, it is crucial to have some credible, long-term plans that sustain the development of the relationship. Those goals might be to how to plan your new financial life, how to plan to have and raise a kid, how to plan to buy a new car/house…Of course, as your relationship develops, long-term goals will also shift.
Making future plans together is a way to make sure that your marriage will move in the right direction. If your future plans are pulling in two different directions but you two do not discuss together, you two will feel disconnected from each other; the more you feel that you can hardly get on the same page with each other and find a common ground, the less likely the relationship is to stand the test of time.
9 Having realistic expectations:
In the early years of the marriage, a spouse may put the other spouse upon a pedestal; the spouse may think the other spouse is so perfect for him/her. However, as time goes on, the spouse finds the other spouse is not perfect as he/she expects; from time to time when the other spouse fails him/her, he/she feels disappointed and frustrated; especially when the other spouse does something that hurts him/her, he/she may feel heartbroken; but probably things are not so serious, the real problem is the spouse expects too much of his/her spouse from the very beginning.
To have realistic expectations of the marriage, another important point that you need to keep in mind is not to compare your spouse to others. Comparison will undermine the relationship seriously. For example, when you are having sex with your spouse but you do not feel sexually satisfied, if you joke that you are lusting after another person, it can make your spouse feel that he/she is inadequate. For another example, when your spouse lets you down by doing something undesirable, if you complain by frequently mentioning other people’s good performance, he/she may retort, “Why don’t you marry him/her?” then you also get resentful/angry; in this situation, as long as you put yourself in his/her shoes, you can better understand that nobody likes to be compared.
Comparison kills contentment, and it is the thief of joy; especially if you engage in constant comparison of your marriage with other people’s marriages that seem perfectly happy, you will feel your marriage is so miserable that you want to quit it. Comparison is a trap and a dangerous gauge for the health of a marriage because it is often based on unattainable reality as well as partial truth.
The final word:
It is a long and arduous task to keep a long-lasting happy marriage. Marriages always have some problems no matter how hard couples try to improve their marriage. And probably, you have to admit that some areas of your relationship still need to be urgently improved. But in general, it is worthy of making constant efforts to build a better marriage.
If you need more marriage-saving tips, you might go on to watch the video below to follow the comprehensive guidance that is offered by Brad Browning, a marriage coach with 12+ years of experience:
Maybe, you are also interested in the related posts below:
What a healthy marriage looks like – How to maintain a marriage.
What should you do when your marriage is on the rocks?
5 warning signs of a toxic marriage – Toxic relationship patterns.
Pay attention to these common but serious mistakes in marriage.
4 basic tips on how to get through a rough patch in a marriage.
Why you feel bored in your marriage – How to overcome boredom.
Must-have boundaries in marriage – Communicate your boundaries.