Emotional distance is a common phenomenon in a marriage; it develops subtly; a lot of spouses don’t pay enough attention to their spouses’ emotional distance until the gulf becomes significant. Especially for men, generally, men are much more careless than women in relationships; therefore, as a married man, you should be more concerned about this relationship issue, rather than allow it to fly undetected by your radar. When your wife becomes emotionally distant, there can be distinct, warning signs.
And let’s dive into some typical signs of a wife’s emotional distance
(1) Your wife rarely spends time with you unless you initiate it:
She always seems to have reasons not to spend time together; and probably she can’t even remember the last time you two just hung out. When it comes to the pleasant memories of your married life, you can realize that she is not as attentive as you; surely, sometimes she could be busy, and thus she couldn’t spend quality time with you; or she may excuse by saying that her jam-packed life is making her forgetful; however, if that develops into a pattern, probably it indicates that your wife’s interest in you is fading and she no longer makes it a priority to maintain the love relationship; especially when the relationship becomes far less intimate and thus you want her to spend more time together, if she complains that you are too needy; the warning sign of her emotional distance is clear and obvious.
(2) You feel like the relationship has become one-sided:
When your wife becomes emotionally distant, conversations with your wife may have started to shift. Maybe, you and she used to have dynamic discussions; however, now you feel like you are always the one who carries on most of the conversations with her; and she seems to have stopped asking interesting questions that keep a conversation going; when it comes to dealing with those daily chores that either you or she can manage, she used to address them in a proactive way; but now she does not want to get involved with them and always leaves them to you. As an emotionally distant wife, she shows an obvious lack of interest in you as well as your relationship because she feels disappointed, discouraged, or even hopeless in the marriage; therefore, no matter how invested you are in the relationship, probably she just seems indifferent.
(3) You feel like she does not want to chat with you:
If your wife becomes emotionally distant, probably she feels reluctant to call or message you back after you try to contact her. Maybe, she used to remember your daily schedule and would send you messages or give you a call to check-in, but recently it has been radio silence. Especially when you just casually ask her about something unimportant (e.g., you ask how her day was or where she went today), if you always feel that she is not listening and that she does not want to participate in small talk with you, chances are she is pulling away in the relationship.
In daily life, couples talk about the kids, the weather, and what is for dinner… from time to time. Small talk in marriage seems dispensable; but as a basic way to validate the connection between spouses and share feelings, it is an indispensable part of married life;
(4) It seems that she is trying to turn everything into an intense argument:
In your mind, your wife was never a provocative woman. Even though she had an intense argument with you sometimes, she tried to defuse those arguments rather than escalate them. But now when you and your wife get into an argument, you can sense that she becomes quite defensive, combative, and even rude; she no longer sticks to issues at hand, and she starts to take little things personally. Understandably, she also gets upset when arguing with you; but resentment or anger is the most intense feeling for her at the moment, she is sorely tempted to get back at you; this drives her to try to blow things out of proportion and turn an innocent conversation into a combat zone after the fact.
On the other hand, as an emotionally distant wife, she also knows well that it is just annoying to be around a woman who tries to turn everything into an argument; therefore, probably she also wants to use this way to keep you at a distance.
(5) She looks absent-minded:
You feel that she has been somewhat of an absent partner; and every time you try to ask why she looks absent-minded, she always can find excuses to justify her behavior. Furthermore, probably she has fallen into a confusing pattern: she tells you she needs to get a plan done, but finally she breaks the plan unexpectedly; and when you ask her why she is being such a flake, she gets defensive.
When a woman is into her love relationship, she spares no effort to make time for her man no matter what, and she never lets her partner feel that she is a partner who is of two minds. Therefore, if she often makes excuses for her absence of mind, it can be perceived as a red flag that she becomes distant and your marriage is on the rocks.
(6) She is no longer comfortable with your emotions:
If your wife becomes uncomfortable, frustrated, withdrawn, or put off when you open up and show your vulnerability to her, don’t just think she is not good at handling your emotions, this may indicate that she is becoming distant and cold in the relationship. In a healthy marriage, when a spouse feels hurt, the other one should give him/her a shoulder to cry on, and lend him/her an ear, a helping hand. Especially when you let her feel that you need her most, if she is not willing to be there for you, the emotional distance between you and your woman may have increased to a dangerous point where your love is lacking the essential intimacy – the tenderness of thoughts, words, and actions.
In short, an emotionally distant wife is often not receptive or supportive when her man expresses his inner feelings to her.
(7) She uses sarcasm as a shield:
Have you noticed she seems to brush everything off with a sarcastic comment or a joke? Usually, an emotionally distant wife doesn’t want to communicate her raw emotions in front of her husband; therefore she may turn things into a joke so that she can remain unfazed and strong in your eyes. For example, she was hurt and upset because she worked hard for years but finally did not get the promotion; however, she did not share her true feelings with you, she did not want to talk much about the event, and she also turned a deaf ear to your proposal about how to re-plan her career, although she knew that you wanted her to open up; on the contrary, she somehow joked about it and laughed it off in your presence; in doing so, she was implying that you did not have to understand what she’s feeling inside.
In a happy marriage, when a wife is facing challenges or difficulties, she should feel free to express herself in front of her man and keep an open mind towards listening to the advice of her man. However, an emotionally distant wife is not willing to do so.
(8) She starts to take things slowly:
A marriage can develop at different paces at different stages; however, if you notice your wife is taking things abnormally slowly, it may be an indicator that she is hesitant to work on the marriage.
Although there can be a variety of reasons why she does things slowly, a lot of them can be related to her emotional distance. Some examples can make this point clear: a partner may take things very slowly in a love relationship when emotional baggage is holding her back (e.g., a woman may have emotional baggage from her difficult past relationship, and she may still hold onto affectionate feelings for her ex and be emotionally attached to her ex); another example, if a woman is constantly unsatisfied with her marriage but meanwhile she can not decide whether it is worth moving forward in the relationship, she may act like a zombie in her married life, especially when dealing with those significant issues that can contribute to development and growth of the marriage.
(9) She becomes vague about the future:
When your wife is bored with her married life, probably she will remain detached in the relationship and deflect those questions about future life with you. For example, while you ask her advice about how to re-assign household chores after having a new baby, she looks nonchalant and uninterested, she does not give any valuable thought to it, and her response sounds vague. In a long-lasting marriage, both spouses should be concerned about how to take the next steps to move the relationship forward, and both spouses should share their own views about it. However, when a wife becomes emotionally distant, she focuses on how to distance herself from her husband.
The final word:
You should be aware that every long-term relationship has peaks and valleys. And even if the feeling of distance that you are experiencing is quite disconcerting and painful, rest assured it is common for every married couple who wants to have a long-lasting marriage. While it is not easy to accept the fact, you have to learn to weather the storm until it ends; furthermore, there is often a rainbow after a storm; this also applies to your relationship dynamic.
Obviously, it is false to believe that how our relationship feels currently is how it will always feel. However, when our spouses greatly hurt our feelings and don’t care for us, we may make such a mistake without realizing it.
If you need more tips on how to get your marriage back on track when your wife becomes emotionally distant, you might go on to watch the video below to follow the comprehensive guidance that is offered by Brad Browning, a marriage coach with 12+ years of experience:
Maybe, you are also interested in the related posts below:
How to gain your wife’s trust back – Regain your lost trust.
How to romance your wife again – Tips for romance with your wife.
A wife’s emotional needs – What a wife wants from a husband.
How to save your marriage when your wife wants a divorce.
How to rekindle sexual intimacy when your wife becomes a roommate.
How to stay emotionally connected with your spouse.