In married life, a wife may suddenly become emotionally distant, closed, unavailable, withdrawn, or even disappear without a reason. This can leave her husband confused. And do you also feel like your wife hates you from time to time? Maybe, you have also already lived with your woman for years, but you have to admit that sometimes you still don’t know what pushes her buttons. If you feel the need to gain a better insight into your woman’s mind, you might read on.
Let’s discuss the possible reasons why your wife hates you:
1 Have you disregarded her feelings or opinion?
Probably, like a lot of abandoned husbands, you get stuck in this predicament because you have ever discredited your wife’s complaints/concerns as emotionally based; and the more you try to prove her concerns/complaints unfounded, the more hurt she feels. By contrast, in a healthy marriage, a husband is inclined to focus on how his woman is feeling about him, rather than dwell on whether she bases her feelings on a correct view of a fact. Many times, even though a man can strongly refute her woman’s ideas/claims/statements/critics about an issue, she still has negative feelings towards him; why? To her, probably she still insists that her own opinion is valid. The example below can make this point clear:
Compared with average people, you were confident that your job and living condition was good, and you often bought whatever you liked regardless of price. However, in your woman’s eyes, you were a lavish spender, she complained that you should be a little more economical because she worried that one day the family would face a financial crisis if you carried on spending money this way; you were much annoyed at her remark, and you retorted that her worry was so ill-founded; then the two of you got into a heated argument… But finally, you two couldn’t convince each other, and you two just ended up in a bad mood.
Be more empathetic:
When it comes to those intense arguments about controversial issues, you may need to care more about her feelings as well as what she has gone through, rather than get so caught up in who is right and who is wrong. Since your woman took offense at what you said/did to her, you should try to be empathetic by looking more at those issues from her perspective.
When your wife hates you, she may be unwilling to reveal her feelings and tell you what you have done wrong to him. In this case, you may need to review her various accusations; maybe, she has told you many times that a certain problem needs to be addressed; but unfortunately, you just ignored it. Or you may need to review your actions that can cause her retreating actions, such as your selfish behavior, silent treatment, angry outbursts, and unfulfilled promises. Surely, you can also ask someone else close to her the things that she has recently shared with them.
2 She found your secrets:
Have you kept some secrets from her? Keeping a secret or lying by omission may hurt your relationship. Surely, we are all entitled to a fair share of secrets. You do not have to reveal all your secrets to people; but when facing your wife, you should open up your interior as much as possible because she is your nearest and dearest. And hence, if you realize some of your secrets matter to your woman, you should not keep them from her. Otherwise, she will resent or hate you once she wanders into an unknown place in which you hide those secrets.
And the following points out 5 types of secrets a husband keeps that may hurt their marriages:
- Unhappiness in marriage:
A reason for keeping a marital problem a secret can be that you have a fear of hurting your wife; you are just reluctant to admit that a marital problem has got worse and caused unhappiness, and you expect that the problem can sort itself out in the end. But in married life, a lot of stubborn problems have to be brought out into the open; otherwise, you and your woman will continue to drift apart.
- Fulfilling intimacy desires from something or someone other than your woman:
Sex is designed to maintain intimacy between spouses, and sexual satisfaction and fulfillment should be reserved for a spouse. When sex in marriage is lacking, it should be talked about and addressed. And if you secretly seek to satisfy yourself sexually through pornography, masturbation, or an emotional affair, it damages intimacy with your wife; especially when your woman discovers you are meeting your sexual needs without her, probably, she will harbor hate for you because she will feel ashamed to talk about such a private issue.
- Financial decisions:
In married life, financial disagreements should be discussed and worked out, not hidden. So once you make financial decisions without consulting with your wife, you violate the financial agreement in your marriage. And your wife may keep silent for some time after she has found that you are keeping spending secrets; in the meanwhile, you may feel like she hates you for something serious.
- Disagreement:
If you quietly disagree with a decision that you and your woman has made together, it will undermine the marriage in two ways; first, it should be viewed as a silent lie – at this point, your dishonesty equals disunity; as we all know, couples should strive to work as a team in married life. Second, your wife may resent you when she finds you are two-faced.
- Your past relationships:
Your past relationships may impact your current partner significantly if you bring all of the baggage, dysfunction, and wounds which the past relationships caused into the current relationship. Maybe, you cherish the current relationship, and you try to maintain the status quo by hiding your unpleasant, humiliating past. But the past relationships can be like a cold wall between you and your woman; especially after your woman finally knows those dishonorable things you did in the previous relationships, she may hate you all of a sudden.
3 Is she experiencing menopause?
Menopause is a normal part of a woman’s life. And the hormonal changes during menopause can cause her a series of negative symptoms, such as depression, anxiety, intense night sweats, insomnia, loss of libido, pain on intercourse, and extreme mood swings. Probably, a woman who is going through menopause does not really hate her men, she just loses patience with her man because he always can’t understand what she is going through, but he might perceive her menopause symptoms as a sign that she hates him.
Probably, a woman in menopause is also trying to seek ways to cope with her bad symptoms, for her own sake and her family members. Therefore, more mutual understanding is needed.
By the way, menopause is a natural process, and most of its symptoms can go away over time.
4 Has your wife emotionally checked out?
When your wife hates you, the worst situation can be that she has emotionally checked out of the relationship – Maybe she is having an affair; or maybe, she has felt disconnected from you for too long; in either case, she will try to distance herself from you because when you are around her, she feels very uncomfortable.
And many times when you wonder why your wife hates you, don’t expect that you can easily squeeze the true answer from her. Especially when she is considering quitting the relationship, she is usually not willing to open up to you about the truth, instead, she may give you a series of flimsy or trivial reasons; on the other hand, you may feel like her level of hatred towards you is completely out of proportion to wrong things you have done; and no matter how sorry you are for your wrongdoings/mistakes, it seems that she always can’t pass over them.
When your wife wants out, she believes that someone other than you can make her life better; therefore, focusing on apologizing for whatever she hates about you can not stop her from hating you.
To help you catch more suspicious signs your wife has emotionally checked out, you might go on to read the posts below:
Pay attention to these signs of an emotionally distant wife.
Is your spouse cheating – Signs your spouse is having an affair.
For more tips on how to save your marriage when your wife has emotionally checked out, you might go on to read the posts below:
What not to do when your spouse wants out – Save the marriage.
What to do when your spouse wants to leave you – Save your marriage.
How to deal with a spouse’s emotional affair – Save the marriage.
5 You take work stress home with you:
If you are not careful, you may unconsciously allow your work stress to turn into home stress, at the expense of the relationship with your wife. If you admit that you have chronic work stress and you have left it at home, probably your woman will have to keep a distance from you because she has become tired of seeing you so miserable, absent, and depressed.
When your work stress becomes a prominent element of your relationship, both you and your woman will feel overwhelmed. So it is important to keep from bringing work stress home, and the following are 2 simple tips:
- Schedule a post-work mini-transition:
Understandably, it can be mentally jarring to directly getting out of work mode and into home mode. For example, one minute you are still anxious about your work progress, and the next minute you are expected to listen attentively as your wife comes close to you to tell you something. Of course, shifting your focus from one thing to another thing is easier said than done. To help you do this, a piece of advice is to add an extra beat on your commute home; for example, you might drop by a park/bookshop for some minutes to quiet your mind; or you might look more at those photos of your family when you are on the subway/bus.
- Talk about your work stress to someone else outside your marriage:
You might consider unloading your pent-up stress on someone else before you return home. This person can be a colleague or a friend, just make sure they are willing to listen and they can empathize with what you are going through. Surely, if that person can offer appropriate advice to help you deal with your stress, it is better.
I bet that you have someone else outside your marriage that you can trust, and sharing work concerns with them is a good way to release your pent-up emotions; in doing so, you are less likely to put a severe strain on your marriage.
The final word:
When you feel like your wife hates you, there can be a variety of reasons why she acts that way; the situation may not be what you think; hence, you do not have to jump to a conclusion prematurely. But if you realize she hates you because something is wrong with your marriage, you should actively repair the relationship. For more tips on how to reconcile with your wife, you might go on to watch the video below to follow the comprehensive guidance that is offered by Brad Browning, a marriage coach with 12+ years of experience:
Maybe, you are also interested in the related posts below:
Pay attention to these signs of an emotionally distant wife.
How to rekindle sexual intimacy when your wife becomes a roommate.
What a wife needs in a marriage – Basic needs of a woman.
How to have a long lasting happy marriage – Marriage-saving tips.
How to keep intimacy in your marriage – Improve marital intimacy.