In a marital relationship, a man is often reluctant to reveal his emotional needs; therefore, when his secret emotional needs are not fulfilled by his wife, he is prone to suffer silently. And what is worse is that if his woman doesn’t pay enough attention to figure out what he wants from her, a series of unnecessary misunderstandings and conflicts tend to arise in the relationship, such as lack of sex, verbal shut-downs, and miscommunication.
To help you better understand your man’s emotional needs, the following discusses what a husband expects from his wife:
1 Praise and approval:
A man’s ego is fragile as a woman’s heart. Every man needs reassurance in a long term relationship; especially after marriage, a husband needs constant attention and validation from his wife, and he regularly confirms whether he still matters to her. Specifically, compared with a wife, a husband needs relatively much reassurance about the plan of his career, his financial ability, his sexual prowess, his manhood, his attractiveness…
It is quite common to see a husband complain that his wife rarely affirms his efforts, and even they may have a sense of uselessness. On the other hand, a lot of wives also think that they do not receive little of their men’s verbal approval and praise; however, the commitment to each other is never a game in which couples play and keep score. So, there is no need to make a fuss about how often he compliments you or how often you compliment him. As long as you notice he does something well no matter how small it is, you might give him positive affirmation in time, and point out the good qualities that he displays that you admire most.
So, in your married life, let your praise loose; let him know his qualities that you find attractive, tell him what physical features you like about him, and tell him how charming you find it when he accomplished something, when he was saying something in a certain way, or when he was at a certain party… Proper praise will make him feel loved instead of making him cocky. The more he receives positive affirmation, the more motivated he is to show you his side of goodness.
2 A sense of sexual connection:
Both women and men connect through communication and sex. But in general, female spouses are biased towards connection through communication, and male spouses focus more on connection through sex. Surely, don’t misunderstand that a man has to have sex with his woman frequently for feeling connected. More often than not, men connect through various indicators of sexual access as much as they connect through sex. Often, a man initiates sex just to confirm whether his woman is still sexually available to him. For instance, when a man reaches across the bed for his woman, her showing the willingness to engage him affectively (e.g. embracing him and deeply kissing him) may be enough to make him satisfied with the feeling of being loved (of course, it does not mean that the follow-through is not necessary or enjoyable for him).
In marital life, sometimes it is inevitable for a couple to have conflicts on thoughts of ways to connect with each other – when a man wants to connect through sex, his woman may choose to connect through words; if such a conflict can not be handled correctly in time, it can lead to a downward spiral of the marriage – the woman will not become completely sexually comfortable with her man until she has fully communicated with him, but at the same time, the man finds it hard to communicate openly with her because of the lack of sexual intimacy.
To avoid unintentional standoffs mentioned above, it is necessary to improve the deep understanding and communication between each other;
To avoid unintentional standoffs mentioned above, it is necessary for a woman to gain an in-depth understanding of the psychology of masculine attraction and need; by the way, talking dirty is a powerful way to let a man feel a strong sense of sexual connection; if you want to learn more about how to seduce your man with words, you might go on to read the page below; it wants you to consider what a husband really desires, and teaches you how to make your husband more emotionally dependent on you:
3 Emotional intimacy:
Since childhood, male children have been educated to avoid appearing weak in front of people. For example, complaining, divulging concerns or fears, and expressing worry or self-doubt are generally perceived as a man’s weakness.
In a marriage, a wife should be her man’s safe space to fall – he should feel free to expose his emotional wounds and allow her to help him heal.
Just like a woman usually requires a gradual process of opening up sexually, a man also needs sufficient time to open up emotionally. When a man wants to cry in front of his woman, he needs to ensure that she will not repel it or handle it poorly. If a wife pushes her husband away or fails to empathize with him when he most needs her comfort, he will consciously reduce emotional investment in the relationship and withdraw himself somewhat from the relationship, and thereby the wife will realize that her man is not so emotionally connected to her like before. Ultimately, the lack of emotional intimacy can result in a lose-lose situation.
When emotional intimacy is lacking, a relationship can suffer. The post below shares tips on growing emotional intimacy in marriage:
7 tips on how to get back emotional intimacy in marriage.
4 Security:
In a marital relationship, married men and married women are both emotionally attracted to certainty. The more a husband feels like his wife is in the relationship for the long haul, the more willing he is to open up to her.
However, for a man, security goes deeper than the simple fact that his wife won’t leave him. The deep emotional security that a man needs is based on a lot more aspects, and the examples below make this point clear:
- Career:
A man wants to feel secure that his wife understands his current career situation as well as his career plan.
- Sex:
A man wants to feel loved and secure when he and his wife have not engaged in sexual activities for some time.
- Social activity:
When a man is hanging out with his friends without taking along his wife, he wants to feel secure that he does not have to report it to his woman at timed intervals, and he doesn’t want his woman to feel the urgent need to text or call him frequently to check-in.
In short, don’t miss a key point in making a man feel secure – he wants his woman to empathize with him and love him when he needs his woman’s understanding.
5 Respect:
In a marital relationship, a man not only wants to get love but also wants to get respect. Both love and respect are important for the smooth gliding of marital life. However, for most women, it is far easier to love men, than it is to respect them. In truth, women need love more than respect, and men need respect more than love. Especially for a lot of married women who feel that their husbands always seem unsatisfied with them, it may be very necessary for them to check whether their thinking is wrecking their marriages – although the majority of women think that they also need enough respect from their men, they just do not value this emotional need as high as their men, they are sure that their highest emotional need is love; and those women may assume that their men also think so; however, generally a husband’s highest need is to feel respected rather than feel loved.
If he feels like she doesn’t recognize his personal value, his career path, or his given mission in life, inevitably he will feel disrespected; the lack of respect for him may also make him feel unloved and trusted, and hence he may distance himself from her. If a man often feels somehow disrespected by his woman, probably he will entertain the thought – “She always refuses to respect my core self, how can she give me what I most want from her?” If he harbors such a thought, he will raise doubt about the point of continuing to stay in the relationship.
When it comes to what a husband expects from his wife, this aspect must be attached importance. If you want to gain an in-depth understanding of respect for a man, you may go on to read the posts below:
Is respect important to a man – How to respect your husband.
5 tips on how to make your husband feel loved and respected.
6 Physical touch:
Physical touch should be viewed as an important love language in a relationship. A husband needs frequent non-sexual touch that can create a sense of sexual access. It is very common to see a man complain about the lack of physical touch in the marital relationship; many times, he may just want the warmth and safety of loving physical contact without having a further expectation of sex. For example, if a woman comes up behind her man and touches his hair and neck in a loving way when he is sitting absorbed in reading, it gives him a warm feeling, and even probably he could feel as loved as if he just had sex with her. Moreover, the research found that among middle-aged and older married couples, hugging and kissing is much more central to the happiness of men than it is to women.
In a man’s mind, physical touch can be interpreted as a form of physical love, which conveys a meaning that many love words can’t express. And in many cases, physical touch is more suitable than composing and sending love messages. In particular, old married couples usually do not frequently say to each other, like “I love you…”, “I want you to be always happy”, “I’m here for you…”, and “I deeply care for you…” But through intimate contact, love can be easily expressed and accepted without feeling embarrassed.
7 Enough personal space:
It is difficult to strike a tricky balance between intimacy and independence in marriage, as there is a clear divide between males and females on this issue – the females are primarily drawn towards intimacy, but the males towards independence – the feminine partner wants more time spent together, but the masculine partner remains focused on more time apart; every couple has to maintain a dynamic balance between “together time” and “individual time”; but anyway, it is impossible to achieve a perfect balance.
No doubt, when a man feels emotionally suffocated (e.g. not allowing him free time, and being irrationally jealous) by his woman, he is reluctant to stay with her. Compared with women, men need relatively much free space in a marital relationship. If a man can not get enough time for his hobbies, enough time with his friends, and enough time to toil away at work, he can hardly feel fulfilled in the relationship.
Furthermore, women and men greatly differ in the way of dealing with problems; when a woman runs into problems, first she is more likely to connect with her partner, family members, and close friends to discuss together to solve them. By contrast, when a man encounters a problem, most likely, first he will try to handle it on his own rather than immediately ask for others’ help.
So, when you notice that your man wants to be alone, or when he directly says to you, “leave me alone.”, “I want to be left alone.” you are supposed to just leave him to himself and patiently wait for him to return. If you do that way, he will be pleased to come back to you because of your full trust towards him as well as plenty of alone space which you kindly give.
The final word:
Men and women think much differently, hence it is no wonder that men and women may have different perspectives on the same relationship issue, and yet there are no men who do not hope that their women could exactly understand their secret emotional needs.
If you want to learn more about what a husband expects from his woman and how to remain happily married, you might go on to watch the video below to follow the comprehensive guidance that is offered by Brad Browning, a marriage coach with 12+ years of experience; it may not only help you connect with your husband on a deep level but also clear up a series of misconceptions that you have had about your relationship:
Maybe, you are also interested in the posts below:
Why your husband is unhappy with you – Understand him better.
Why your husband is distant – How to stop him from being distant.
9 tips on how to make your husband loyal – what he needs in the marriage.
10 simple tips on how to strengthen your relationship with your husband.
What to do when your husband fails you – Keep him committed.
What every man secretly wants – How to make him devoted to you.