A marriage can be tough at some point, especially after passion fades away and our true selves are completely exposed to each other. When this happens, a spouse may get puzzled about the other one’s needs in the relationship.
As a husband, you must be aware that women think differently from men; and sometimes you can hardly understand what your wife needs from you if you can not stand in her perspective.
There’s no uniform answer as to what a wife needs in a marriage, but every wife has the same basic needs below:
1 You need to make her feel beautiful:
Maybe, you don’t know how much she needs to feel that she is beautiful in your eyes. A woman not only loves the compliments from her man but also want to get reassurance every now and then. So even though you told your wife she is beautiful today, tell her again tomorrow, she does not mind.
And believe it or not, such an emotional need of a woman is becoming stronger and stronger. Why? It has become hard to feel attractive in this world that is awash with airbrushed models as well as unrealistic beauty standards. Furthermore, it is human nature to love beauty; and even more so for a woman. Although the majority of women may not directly say that she is trying to make herself more beautiful than other women; but many times, they habitually, unconsciously compare themselves to other women; probably, your woman is also not exceptional. And constantly making her feel beautiful is a simple way to maintain her confidence.
Therefore as her husband, you should know that she always welcomes your reassurance about her beauty. For example, if you find her beautiful when she dresses up specially for you, she will be pleased. Maybe, the words “You are beautiful” seem to be cliches after you have said them too many times; but there are always many other ways to let her feel she is beautiful; for example, while you are flirting with her or showing your affection, she can also feel that she is charming and beautiful.
In particular, women badly want their men to only have eyes for them. However, a lot of husbands make the foolish mistake of gawking at other pretty women in their women’s presence. When such a thing happens, their women feel insecure and naturally question their men’s attraction to them. With a more vivid metaphor, a long-term relationship is like a kingdom; a man secretly wants his woman to treat him as a powerful king, and meanwhile, a woman wants her man to treat her as a pretty queen.
2 You need to make her feel cherished:
In the marriage, your wife needs to feel cherished and that she is a priority in your life. In other words, if she feels like she is falling to a second priority behind something/somebody (e.g. your work, certain hobbies, and certain interests), she will not feel valued; over time, she will build emotional walls or withdraw emotionally.
Of course, cherishing your wife does not mean that you have to lose yourself in your marriage. For example, if you have to stay late at work because you are busy with an urgent project, you should take this into account; but once you have a free afternoon/morning, you might use this time to spend with her. When she finds that you are trying to set aside your valuable time to spend with her, she will appreciate your doing so. In this situation, she is more likely to feel cherished than you spending time with her when you are idle. That is to say, don’t think of spending quality time together only when you are at a very loose end.
3 You need to make her feel supported:
The marriage means you and your spouse become a team. Each other’s goals, wishes, and dreams become both of your goals, wishes, and dreams. Of course, there are no perfect teammates; so you need to learn to take the good part of your wife with her bad part. Anytime, you should not exploit her mistakes, shortcomings, weaknesses, and flaws to daunt her.
In your married life, your wife wants you to encourage her, support her, trust her, and even be proud of her when she encounters challenges/difficulties. Your wife may not ask you to tackle what she needs/wants/desires, but she wants you to do it on your own; and even she wishes you can be her no 1 fan, whatever and whenever.
In particular, when you notice that your wife has a difficult time and feels like giving up in despair, you should appear at once and give her a push that she badly needs to keep going, or at least, you should give her a shoulder to cry on.
4 You need to make her feel listened:
As a man, I bet you have the same feeling: a man would prefer to keep things to himself when he has trouble, rather than instantly unburden himself to others; by contrast, women are more inclined to confide trouble to people whom they are close with. And one of the most important emotional needs you should know about your wife is that she wants to feel heard by you. In her view, her man should be a person that he/she can open up to anytime. In other words, if you look unwilling to listen when she is ready to pour out to you her unhappiness, sorrow, frustration, disappointment…, probably she will turn away in resentful, sullen silence. If you often treat her that way, she will not feel satisfied in the long-term relationship.
And one thing must be emphasized: when your wife is confiding in you, she wants you to listen to her attentively without the need to make judgments. Therefore, when she has a bad day, you might sit down and allow her to blow off steam; if she rants about how hectic her schedule is or how nonsense the drama at work is, you had better listen without interfering with your own issues or stories. If you want to comment or reply, you had better wait until she has finished speaking. Surely, if you are sure you can offer a good solution to her problems, it will be appreciated. But if you can’t, you should also not brush those problems off or tell her that they are unimportant. To her, they are just important or necessary.
By the way, when she opens up to you, you should listen not only with your ears but also with your whole body. For example, you might give her your undivided attention by turning off the phone/T.V. Listening seems simple, but it is a good way to show her that you respect, care, and love her.
5 You need to make her feel secure:
A wife needs her husband to show concern for her overall well-being and her inner feelings. This is because of a combination of cultural and biological conditioning that supports a woman’s nurturing role in a marriage. And showing caring is never a simple issue about how much money you are willing to spend on her; rather it has a broad range of contents, and it needs to be demonstrated by regularly checking in with her to see how she is, asking things that may interest her, planning a considerable schedule, checking whether she returns home safely, etc.
Although we advocate gender-equality in society, generally women are still in a relatively weak position where they receive less respect, money, and fewer job opportunities than men. This pushes women to be more independent-minded in a love relationship. On the other hand, this also causes women to feel that they deserve to be treated more nicely, especially by their men. Surely, your woman always would like you to be kind to her mainly out of your strong desire to give.
Another key issue that highlights the inherent inequality in society is personal safety. Reports found the majority of domestic violence victims are women; and many more women were sexually assaulted in their lifetime. Hence, when talking about what a wife needs in a marriage, you should not neglect her fundamental need for security.
Again, women want to feel safe, and they deserve to feel safe in the presence of their men.
6 You need to make her feel validated:
Have you ever felt like you have shared your innermost feelings with your wife, only to be left feeling unheard, misunderstood, or walled out? I bet you feel emotionally distant or detached at that moment; and vice versa. When validation is given, it feels like a warm hug to a person who has been left out in the cold. As we all know, women are more emotional than men. Hence, almost certainly, your wife is much more eager to feel validated in the relationship than you.
Making her feel validated does not mean that you have to agree with your wife’s opinion but rather that you should try to validate her situation by understanding her thought process as well as her feelings.
When it comes to how to give her validation, there’re many details to attend to; but anyway, first of all, you should let your wife know you always safely allow her to share her thoughts and feelings whatever will be talked about. Then while she is revealing her thoughts and feelings, you should not argue with how she feels or object to her feelings; and once a disagreement surfaces, first you might acknowledge what she is feeling rather than instantly retort upon her; for example, after seeing a movie together, you two start to discuss about it. She tells you it is funny and entertaining; however, you find it predictable and boring. So how should you respond? You should not deny or ignore her feelings; before speaking your mind, you might validate her opinion by saying, “It looks like you enjoy the movie, but that’s not my favorite, I think…”
The final word:
Usually, women know well that they can’t have a perfect partner, they do not ask their men to meet all her needs; but women will feel resentful and disappointed if their men can not meet their basic needs in a long-term relationship; and if this persists, they will pull away from their men.
If you want to learn more about what a wife needs in a marriage and how to keep her happy, you might go on to read the page below to follow the comprehensive guidance that is offered by Brad Browning, a marriage coach with 12+ years of experience::
Make your wife obsess about you again – 3 key steps to remain happily married.
Maybe, you are also interested in the related posts below:
Pay attention to these signs of an emotionally distant wife.
How to rekindle sexual intimacy when your wife becomes a roommate.
How to romance your wife again – Tips for romance with your wife.
12 common signs of an insecure wife – Signs your wife is insecure.
How to flirt with your wife – Bring flirting back into your marriage.
How to save your marriage when your wife wants a divorce.
Why your wife hates you – What to do when she hates you.
How to make your wife fall in love with you again.
How to make your wife feel appreciated – Keep these in mind.