Is your husband easily roused to anger now? Are you miserable because of his apathetic attitude towards you? Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells trying to making him happy? Do you sense that your husband becomes a crabby man who is greatly different from whom he used to be? Maybe you think that recently you have not done things that left him so unhappy; now you and your husband are slowly drifting apart, and you wonder why he becomes so emotionally distant.
I bet you love him, but a happy marriage goes beyond just love; you need to understand one thing in particularly: a husband has emotional wants and needs that greatly differ from his wife, and he feels unhappy in the marriage when his basic emotional needs are not met by his woman.
Here are 6 possible reasons why your husband is unhappy with you:
1 You make him feel constrained:
He may appear unhappy with you if you often ask him to do something that makes him feel annoyed and constrained. Maybe you have not been conscious about that kind of behavior after you did it to him. And the example below can help you better understand this point:
Anderson and Vanessa were a couple who has been married for many years; Vanessa used to complain that Anderson was careless with housework, and said “You are always not good at …” but Anderson just couldn’t meet Vanessa’s satisfaction in spite of his efforts. Gradually, Vanessa thought it was necessary to teach him how to do housework step by step. Then he changed the way of speaking to him and started to teach him to do housework in the exact way she wants, and frequently said to him, “No, do it this way… remember!” But this made Anderson uncomfortable because he thought he has not done housework too badly in his way, and hence he felt restricted in married life.
As explained above, when you are meticulously telling your husband everything he should do, he easily feels backed into a corner. However, probably you are unaware of how controlling you have been with him; and over time, such behavior chips away at his masculinity.
To make him feel good about himself, you need to make him feel like a man when he is around you. To place less constraint on him in daily married life, you might follow the suggestions below:
When he complains that you are sort of controlling in the relationship, you do not have to point out all the things he did that you are unsatisfied with, and just let those little things (e.g. not folding the laundry perfectly, and not making the bed) go if possible. And keep in mind not to control, direct, or warn him, no matter what. Of course, anyway, don’t blame him. Your blame just causes him to feel devalued. A man is so sensitive that he attempts to read into anything that his woman says that can be interpreted as blaming. Your controlling behavior will wear him down over time; in the meantime, he will be inclined to harbor the unhappy feelings about you.
For more tips on how to stop being controlling in your marriage, you might go on to read the post below:
Controlling behavior causes – How to stop being controlling in your marriage.
2 He thinks he can’t satisfy you:
Work can be challenging, family life can be stressful and overwhelming… We all live in an increasingly competitive world, and there are times when we are depressed, disappointed, and annoyed. Surely, things would be better if only we all have more money, a better job, and a bigger house. However, those pipe dreams are usually far removed from reality. And when you believe that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, you put a strain on your marriage, and it becomes difficult for you to be satisfied with your married life.
When you are too focused on disappointment in your marriage rather than the good part, it can easily spiral you down into a negative mood. If your husband feels his efforts are not recognized by you when he is always working hard to support you as well as the family, he will feel depressed because he feels like you are never satisfied with him no matter what he does, and eventually he will stop trying to please you. It is no wonder that he will easily become unhappy after he fails to make you satisfied and receives your complaints again and again.
So if you find yourself complaining to your husband constantly, you might lower your expectations of him properly and think more about the pleasant things that he ever did for you.
For more tips on how to keep your husband committed when he fails you, you might go on to read the post below:
What to do when your husband fails you – Keep him committed.
3 You sound like his mother:
Women are “born worriers” – compared with men, women appear to have relatively high levels of anxiety when dealing with things. And stress can be contagious. In a marriage, wives who are high strung may leave their husbands feeling high strung as well. Therefore, when you constantly cast your anxiety on your man, or when you frequently remind him to deal with trifling matters without delay, it seems to him that you feel like his mother, probably you will be headed for trouble – a man usually hates to live with a woman who nags him to do trivial things. As a wife, if you have the nagging tendency, be aware that nagging is a formula to push your husband away.
For more tips on how to stop being a nagging wife, you might go on to read the post below:
Are you a nagging wife – How to stop nagging him.
4 He doesn’t feel appreciated by you:
For a lot of women who have lived with their men for many years, they admit that they seldom express appreciation to their husbands, although their men work hard, are thoughtful, or always try hard to make them happy; on the contrary, they are keen on finding faults with almost everything their men do, like the inefficient way that their men clean the floor, and their forgetting to empty the trash. Generally, a man is unhappy in such a relationship because he feels that he is being unfairly treated. And the biggest mistake that those women make in their marriages is not showing enough respect and admiration for their men.
So if you find yourself that you have already become a critic in front of your man, it is better to stop this behavioral pattern that wears him down. If you want your husband to feel loved, be happy, and feel sexually attracted, first of all, he needs to feel admired by you. Surely, he would not like to tell you that he starves for your appreciation; even he does not want to mention this emotional need; he just secretly wants you to understand it on your own; but if you do things which beat him down rather than build him up, he will easily feel unhappy in the relationship.
If a husband feels his marriage is lacking gratitude and respect, he will tire of the union over time. So when it comes to finding out why your husband is unhappy for a long time, pay special attention to whether you have seldom communicated full respect and appreciation to your husband in daily life.
For more tips on how to make your husband feel appreciated, you might go on to read the post below:
How to make your husband feel appreciated – Show him appreciation.
5 He gets bored with the routine:
Maybe you are sure that you have not had any intense conflict with your husband recently, maybe you are sure that you are also not a terrible nag, but your husband just feels unhappy in the marriage; in such a case, probably your relationship has fallen into a monotonous routine – you are trying to maintain a status quo that is neither good nor bad, or you settle in for a routine that only you feel comfortable with.
But from the point of view of your husband, he may feel that the entire relationship is stuck in a boredom rut, especially for sex life; for example, during a period of time, your husband may have a much higher sex drive than you, and he can be unhappy with his married life because he can not get his sexual needs met; sex is a good way to emotionally open up your man, but a stale sex routine greatly reduces sexual intimacy; understandably, the lack of sexual intimacy can create distance between you, and the feelings of being sexually rejected can further lead to feelings of being unloved.
Likewise, there are many other reasons why your marriage may have already hit a boredom rut, such as the loss of interest in each other, lack of excitement, lack of communication, and an increasingly heavy emotional burden of the family.
6 You become a busy mom:
Becoming a mother is a rewarding experience for every married woman. And when the “mommy brain” kicks in, it is quite easy for a woman to get consumed by the new bundle of joy. Actually, in a lot of marriages, women tend to ignore their men as they start to raise their kids. If you are a new mother now, maybe you also start to establish the thought – “I should become a mother first and a wife second”. This seems to be a good excuse to put your man second, but it is unhealthy for your marriage.
Anyway, reports found that almost all married couples have to experience a dip in marital satisfaction around the birth of the first child, and this requires a period of adjustment to the significant change in the relationship. Maybe, the two of you are also undergoing this change.
The final word:
There are times when you get stuck in a pattern that makes your husband feel unhappy. When you sense your husband is unhappy, it may feel like the end of your marriage, but that is not always the case. It takes time and effort to figure out why your husband is unhappy with you. Before you can address your husband’s perceived unhappiness, you should try to keep yourself sane in times of conflict and madness, rather than freak yourself out.
Furthermore, you might try to look at this relationship problem from a positive angle: when you feel that your husband is unhappy in your marriage, it gives you a wake-up call that reminds you to be more concerned about him than before, and that you should strive to be a better version of yourself. If your husband constantly feels unhappy and miserable in your married life, over time he will think about quitting the relationship.
For more tips on how to fix the relationship when your husband is unhappy with you, you might go on to watch the video below to follow the comprehensive guidance that is offered by Brad Browning, a marriage coach with 12+ years of experience:
Maybe, you are also interested in the related posts below:
How to deal with an emotionally distant husband – Make him open up.
What to do when your husband is not affectionate towards you.
What you should not do when your husband wants a divorce.
Signs your husband is pulling away – Why he seems distant.
Why your husband is distant – How to stop him from being distant.
6 tips on how to survive in an unhappy marriage without divorce.
What you should not do when your husband wants to separate.
Texts your husband will love – How to make him desire you again.