Sexual intimacy is central to the strength and unity between spouses. On a life-long journey, a married couple will have to face a lot of sexual intimacy issues. And a constant lack of sexual intimacy may cause one or both spouses to wonder whether their marriage is doomed ultimately.
Next, let’s talk about how to improve sexual intimacy from the 6 aspects below:
1 Frequency:
How often you fulfill your spouse’s sexual desires plays an important role in his/her overall satisfaction towards the sex life. Therefore, take some time to carefully think about how often the two of you engage in sex. Is it twice a week, once a week, once every half month on average? …
Surely, if your spouse has ever told you that he/she wants more sex or wants you to get more intimate and turn up the heat on a more frequent basis, you might make a point of doing so. But many times, your spouse may not exactly tell you what he/she secretly needs from you, you need to figure it out on your own; therefore, if he/she has never communicated his/her desirable frequency of sex, it may not mean that he/she has always been content with the actual frequency of sex with you; maybe, your spouse is too shy or embarrassed to talk about this problem.
Hence, when you try to arouse your spouse sexually again, it may be time to reflect on whether the current frequency of sex becomes lower than before; especially if you realize that your spouse used to initiate sex but now rarely do, on one hand, you should try to gain an in-depth understanding of your spouse’s mind as well as his/her emotional needs, on the other hand, you might consider taking more initiative and showing more enthusiasm.
2 Fantasies and fetishes:
Every adult has sexual fantasies, your spouse is also no exception, whether he/she admits to them or not. He/she may open up to you about some of his/her fantasies and fetishes; but sometimes he/she may also feel reluctant to share with you those deep and dark desires; in this case, make sure to provide a place of emotional safety for him so that you are more likely to entice him/her to speak out his/her dirty mind.
When your spouse realizes that you are open to his/her fantasies and fetishes, he/she will be pleased to give you an entirely new sexual experience; therefore, it can help spice up the stagnant sex life; furthermore, it also lessens the likelihood that he/she will seek this sort of sexual satisfaction elsewhere.
Surely, while you are trying to explore your spouse’s fantasies and fetishes, you should also try to share more of your fantasies that can draw his/her interest. When your spouse feels bored of the sex life, he/she may want you to open up more to him/her. Maybe, you are also too shy to reveal your sexual fantasies. But most likely, if you can tell your spouse exactly what you secretly want in bed, he will feel closer to you, and that also encourages him/her to open up to you.
3 Variety:
I bet your sex life must be amazing at the beginning of your marriage, but even the sexiest thing tends to lose its magic if it is done over and over again. In other words, your sex routine tends to get stale if you don’t mix something fresh up in it. So when you feel that you and your spouse get stuck in a sexual rut, you might make a point of switching things up and introducing more variety into the sex life. For example, don’t always have sex in the same position; you might take the initiative to try more sex positions with your spouse and see for yourself how much it spices up the time in the bedroom. Another example, if you always have sex in the bedroom, you might explore a new space like a romantic hotel.
When it comes to a lot of sexual issues (e.g. the best time to have sex, how often to have sex, what role you should play in the bedroom, and what sexual positions are best), there are no exact answers. And you need to try them out yourself. Anyway, once you sense that the sexual routine gets boring, you need to change it up, whether your spouse has complained about it or not.
For more tips on how to keep your sex life exciting and fresh, you might go on to read the post below:
How to keep sex alive in your marriage – Common mistakes in bed.
4 Teasing:
When sex becomes a chore, or when you and your spouse are busy with duties and tasks of day-to-day life, you two just want to finish it quickly, so you two overlook foreplay or rush past it; but to improve sexual intimacy, you must be aware that foreplay moves (e.g. talking dirty, rubbing, touching, and kissing before sex) are not an optional extra. As we all know, every athlete needs to warm-up before every game and practice; and the same goes for you and your spouse.
Foreplay should be viewed as an important entrance to intercourse, and it should be noted that pleasurable sex requires both sides to warm up. If you don’t take enough time to get your spouse in the mood and boost his/her libido before you want to have sex with him/her, you are less likely to make him/her achieve orgasm later. As we all know, if both spouses can have a shared or simultaneous orgasm, the situation will be perfect because both spouses will feel sexually satisfied. So you should also try to pursue this goal when you work hard to improve sexual intimacy in your marriage.
Furthermore, if you want to do a good job in flirting with your spouse, in daily life, you should make note of your spouse’s hot spots as well as various things that can rev up his/her sex drive.
5 Intensity:
By showing your spouse that you enjoy sex, you pay him/her the best compliments. Of course, you do not have to fake your orgasm; you just need to let your spouse feel how you are really feeling. During sex, your spouse desires to see you in a state of elated bliss. And the expression of your sexual pleasure will not only make him/her feel proud and accomplished but also helps turn him/her on;
In other words, if you are just lying there quiet and motionless during sex, this may make your spouse second guess himself/herself. During sex, any restraint in expressing your exciting and happy feelings is unfavorable. Instead, you should open yourself up and let your spouse fully feel that you are enjoying what he/she is doing to you. So feel free to make some noise, shake your body with the sensation, and blurt out some naughty or erotic words.
6 Expectations:
Your and your spouse’s interest in sex ebbs and flows naturally over the course of this long-term relationship, as you and your spouse age and experience a variety of life changes – stress from work, the arrival of babies, financial stress, and so on. The related research found that one spouse who can accept those inevitable fluctuations as natural and normal is more sexually satisfied with the other one when their relationship hits a bump. And when a spouse is able to view inevitable life changes as understandable rather than troublesome, they are more likely to weather the potential storm. However, for a spouse who does not hold this perspective, they are found to suffer more unnecessary worry and stress when their sex life hits a bump, consequently leading to a much lower level of satisfaction and motivation to improve their sex life.
Don’t define sexual intimacy too narrowly:
Sometimes, a married couple can’t have sex for some reason. Maybe, a wife just gave birth and her body hasn’t healed; maybe a husband is having problems with erectile dysfunction, or maybe a spouse is ill… But anyway, not having sex does not mean not being able to get sexually intimate with each other. Expressing love in sensual ways can still enhance sexual intimacy. For example, you and your spouse can still touch each other, kiss each other, hold hands, and keep sharing each other’s sexual desires. It is not hard to do those things, and it just depends on your willingness.
Sexual intimacy involves more than sex alone. It can take a variety of forms and expressions.
The final word:
A healthy marriage must be built on long-lasting emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy. Although it is common that sexual intimacy may wane over time, developing sexual intimacy should be viewed as a lifelong process; so anytime you should not neglect this part of your relationship; a married couple should not settle for boring or dull sex life, instead, they should always strive to keep sexual intimacy alive regardless of the situation.
If you have no idea how to improve sexual intimacy in your marriage and remain happily married, you might go on to watch the video below to follow the comprehensive guidance that is offered by Brad Browning, a marriage coach with 12+ years of experience:
Maybe, you are also interested in the related posts below:
How to keep intimacy in your marriage – Improve marital intimacy.
7 tips on how to get back emotional intimacy in marriage.
What to do when your marriage lacks passion – Get the spark back.
Tips on coping with lack of affection in marriage – How to get affection back.
Should you stay in a loveless marriage – How to survive a loveless marriage.
What to do when your marriage is struggling – Save the marriage.