When you are appreciating someone, they feel good about themselves; this contributes to their overall sense of well-being, and they feel motivated to continue doing positive things with new vigor, and the same also applies to your wife. Appreciation is always one of the important aspects of marital satisfaction.
Expressions of appreciation are essential to a long-lasting love relationship. Appreciation should be viewed as one form of positive communication.
Making your wife feel appreciated is never rocket science. On the contrary, it is simple.
Here are some important points to keep in mind when you are trying to show appreciation to her:
- Be on the lookout for opportunities that you can give appreciation in your daily life:
Notice and respond to things you see in your wife that you can express your appreciation for, even though those things seem small and insignificant. For example, if you find that your wife reminds your kids to keep quiet during your nap time, be liberal with your appreciation; another example, if you left your dirty socks on the floor but your wife just silently put them into the laundry basket, you might appreciate her doing so. In short, try to let your wife know that you have realized things she did that go unnoticed; especially when she did something significant or beneficial for you or the family, you might take the initiative to express how much it means to you.
Your wife must have made great efforts and sacrifices for the good of the marriage; she secretly wants you to see, recognize, and appreciate those things she had done; but she can not directly ask for your appreciation; she just wants you to do it voluntarily. If possible, you might form a habit of appreciating your wife in daily life; this can go a long way towards keeping the marriage alive.
- Appreciate those everyday things she does from time to time:
Maybe after years of married life, you have taken for granted everyday things that your wife did. And you might ask yourself whether you think that it is very ordinary for her to do everything for you and the family. If you think that way, probably now you need to actively acknowledge those normal and mundane things she does on a regular basis. Put yourself in your wife’s shoes, over time, would you resent her if everyday things that you did go unacknowledged and unnoticed? Now in your married life, probably your wife has always carried the bulk of the household burden (e.g. doing the dishes every day, cooking breakfast every morning, reading to the kids, and mopping the floor regularly); probably, in your mind, it is just the part of her responsibility for supporting the family, and this does not deserve your appreciation. If you have such a thought, you might ask yourself would your everyday life would go so smoothly without her commitment to the relationship and family.
- Discover your language of appreciation:
Every couple has a primary love language, which is a particular pathway through which couples can feel appreciation and love. And generally, those languages can be divided into 5 groups; acts of service, gifts, quality time, physical touch, and words of affirmation. For example, your wife may love it when you put into specific words what you appreciate about her; when you verbalize your appreciation and love with more than just some meaningless or dull words like “thank you!”and “I appreciate you!”, it means much to her. Surely, your appreciative words do not have to go far beyond the reality; by the way, when she is doing acts of services (watering the flowers, making the bed, and cleaning the kitchen) for you without being asked, your appreciative words is most likely to make her feel truly appreciated.
Therefore, you might ask yourself what you can speak to her to express how much you appreciate her. In this field, it all depends on you, and you can lead the dance – observe your wife’s good behavior in daily life, and remind yourself of the desirable ways to show appreciation.
- Don’t think showing appreciation to her is a sweet and nice notion:
Maybe, for the same thing that is beneficial to you, you may show appreciation if it is done by someone outside of the relationship; but you may feel no need to show appreciation if it is done by your wife; in this situation, you treat her differently, and your wife may feel unappreciated by you. Put yourself in her shoes, would you feel unappreciated if you did many things for your wife but she just always refrained from expressing her appreciation and thanks to you? Even sometimes in the long-term relationship, your wife may just expect an ordinary greeting from you, but you just fail to ask her how her day is; this can also make her feel unappreciated.
In addition to verbal words, is it rare for you to surprise your wife with some tokens of your appreciation, such as flowers, gifts, or a card? Surely, a token of appreciation is often a small act of kindness; it is not hard to give a token of appreciation; but a lot of married couples just feel reluctant or embarrassed to do so, especially after a marriage loses its spark.
Try to better understand your wife’s perspective:
We tend to think that the way that we view things and people around us is the way those things and people really are. And likewise, when you disagree with your wife, it is very easy for you to think that your spouse is misinformed and has a false/distorted perception of an issue; especially when you are in a heated argument with your wife, you may complain about how could she see things so differently? In this case, you must be aware of a fact: a person’s beliefs and values create his/her own world, and this affects his/her behavior and opinion along with his/her perspective in a long-term relationship. You and your wife are not exceptional. You need to accept who she is, and accept that your wife is entitled to her own point of view; without it, she will be less likely to feel appreciated and recognized by you.
Remember, feeling appreciated is closely linked with the feelings of being respected and valued; so make sure to show enough respect for your wife’s opinion.
Sometimes, it may be a challenge for you to see and accept your wife’s point of view that is in direct conflict with yours; after all, sometimes you need to deeply understand her perspective, and meanwhile you have to adjust your own point of view accordingly. But with practice, discipline, and emotional mastery, you can find a way to better understand what she means.
- Look at your wife’s failings and strengths objectivley:
She must know very well that she has various failings, which include flaws of her character and annoying habits/quirks. Surely, she wants you to accept who she is, which include the good and bad side of her. But she wants you to choose to focus on her strengths instead of her flaws or shortcomings. Therefore, you should not damn her character for a few mistakes/faults, regardless of any situation.
In addition, you had better also not compare your wife to other women, especially those women who are apparently better than her in some fields (e.g. appearance, financial ability, work ability, and temper). It is easy to be interpreted as a put-down of her.
In short, to make your wife feel appreciated, a premise is to treat her objectively and make her feel fully accepted.
Never look down upon the importance of your appreciation in your marriage:
In a long-term relationship, if a woman seldom receives appreciation from her man, she may feel lonely, devalued, ignored over time… on the contrast, showing appreciation actively can be linked to a higher level of her optimism, joy, and other positive emotions. No doubt, feeling appreciated and valued is always one of a woman’s emotional needs; to a great extent, it can indicate whether the relationship is healthy and happy.
What if you also feel unappreciated by your wife?
Understandably, you also need appreciation from your wife. But after all, the appreciation that you can receive is not within your control. You can not directly ask your woman to show you appreciation. If you do so, the appreciation will be insincere. So you should focus on how to show appreciation to her. The more you raise the stakes in appreciation that you give to her, the more likely she is to show you appreciation in return.
The final word:
“I can not feel appreciated by my husband” are heart-felt words of an overwhelming number of women in problematic marriages. Feeling unappreciated can be very hurtful to a woman, and it can cause a woman to emotionally pull away from her man.
Fore more marriage-saving tips, you might go on to watch the video below to follow the comprehensive guidance that is offered by Brad Browning, a marriage coach with 12+ years of experience:
Maybe you are also interested in the related posts below:
A wife’s emotional needs – What a wife wants from a husband.
Why your wife hates you – What to do when she hates you.
Pay attention to these signs of an emotionally distant wife.