In the long-term relationship, it seems unavoidable that your husband does not have much interest in sex at some point, and even sometimes he may directly reject your sexual advances. The problem with his rejection is that you may think too much about it. Probably, you think that sex should be a daily routine thing that you are complacent about in the relationship with him; the more times you are sexually rejected by your husband, the more likely your ego is to be bruised, and the more frustrated you may feel.
Before learning what to do when your husband rejects you sexually, gain an in-depth understanding of his rejection and your reaction:
- The occasional sexual rejection from your husband:
First of all, you have to accept a fact – In a long term relationship, almost every man may be simply not in any condition to have sex at one time or another. So, there is no need to instantly view the occasional sexual rejection form your husband as one thing that he deliberately strips down your ego.
- The decreased sex drive after years of marriage:
Whatever you think about your man, you should know well that a married man tends to have a lower sex drive after he has been married for a long time. After all, a wide range of familial responsibilities (e.g. household chores, work pressure, financial security, and parental burdens) can be big and complicated factors influencing his sexual desire. Hence, in case you feel that his cold behavior brings a sense of tension into your sex life, you do not have to instantly associate it with those possible sinister causes of a sexless marriage and then put the blame on yourself or him.
Not only that, but your man also wants to ease into a sexual mood, or expects you to get him in that mood before he gets to bed with you. And don’t think constant sexual rejection doesn’t hurt him as much as you, rejecting you can also be equally bad for him, and research found that a man’s increased rejection of his woman makes him take a bigger hit eventually instead. Except for the possibility of his affair, if he realizes that he often rejects you sexually, most likely he will end up feeling depressed and sad too; in this situation, your husband has a more fragile ego and feels insecure when it comes to sexual intimacy with you.
- Different thoughts of sexual rejection:
There is another side to that coin that merits your attention too: in general, men and women differ from each other on sexual rejection. In a man’s view, it is quite normal that he may be turned down by his woman multiple times before he is accepted finally. By contrast, in a woman’s view, as long as his husband rejects her sexual advances, she easily feels that it hits home or at least offends her somewhere inside, rather than treat it as a normal thing.
- Your statements that may damage his ego:
In your married life, don’t simply assume that he will get hard immediately by grabbing his crotch, he will not get hard unless he himself feels the urgent need to have sex; understandably, the more you try to force sex on him, the more rejection you will suffer. And in case you notice he is not in the mood for sex, don’t deliberately trip him up with defiant statements like “Are you still a man?” On a deeper level, such aggressive behavior backfires – it doesn’t boost your husband’s ego; on the contrary, it only damages his ego and ruins his mood further.
If you feel the need to gain an in-depth understanding of how some subtle things you say affect him deeply, you might go on to read the page below:
When you don’t make your husband feel like a man in the relationship, you can hardly turn him on.
By the way, if you want to learn more about how to tap into your man’s ego, you might go on to read the post below:
How to deal with your man’s ego – The male ego in marriage.
Then let’s talk about what you should avoid when your husband rejects you sexually:
(1) Don’t get angry or resentful:
When he rejects your sexual advances outright, you may feel frustrated, angry, or resentful toward him, and then you may take it out on him. Maybe you just want to show him how serious the sexual problem is, but being highly emotional doesn’t solve anything, and this can eventually backfire on you because it will only further alienate him from you.
For more tips, you might go on to read the post below:
How to deal with resentment in your marriage – Reduce resentment.
How to manage anger in marriage – Deal with your & your spouse’s anger.
(2) Don’t immediately start a conversation about your bad feelings:
Enhancing communication is essential in a sexless marriage. But when your husband rejects you sexually, if you instantly ask him why he rejects you, it does not improve the situation. Instead, you should avoid steering the conversation towards your feelings of being hard done by his rejection in the heat of the moment. Yes, you just want to acknowledge your true feelings in front of him, and it is not wrong, but in his view, such expression of your negative feelings may make you sound weak and selfish, and this does not help promote his sex drive at that moment. Hence, you are advised to talk to him about this sexual problem later.
(3) Do not push him:
And anytime don’t force him to give you a self-report, because probably his self-report is also disingenuous; if you insist on doing that, most likely he will just grab all sorts of reasons that don’t make sense and cut the conversation short. Many times he feels reluctant to tell you the truth behind such a highly private issue, and even he himself may not know well why he suddenly doesn’t want sex. And maybe what you get is just a bunch of rationalizations when he is pressed to answer your question.
In particular, as a man grows into his 30s, the low testosterone symptoms can creep up so gradually and subtly that they go unnoticed more often than not, and hence he may not realize that his low sex drive is affected by his testosterone deficiency.
In short, when he feels that you are putting him on the spot, he gets defensive, and it is futile to have a productive conversation.
So what should you do when your husband rejects you sexually?
(1) Lure him into sex gradually:
In love relationships, men are brought up with the idea that they need to keep pursuing and they get themselves mentally prepared for many failures before making a hit. On the other hand, women are inclined to the view that their men should not miss any chance to have sex and should be ready to cooperate with them anytime. Due to the difference between women’s and men’s thoughts of sexual rejection, men may not understand that sexual rejection stings much more for women. So when your husband rejects you sexually, it seems unnatural for you, and you may be afraid that something goes wrong with the relationship, but your man may not take it seriously.
Furthermore, in a long-term relationship, the occasional or even constant mismatch in sexual desires between partners is also quite normal. So when he seems to have little interest in sex, don’t expect him to become hard instantly by grabbing his crotch or flashing him. One correct way should be to gradually lure him into sex with mental coaxing as well as foreplay.
Unless you intend to hurt his ego, avoid the impulsive behavior like below:
You walk up to him, hold him close and kiss his cheek, but he is just not feeling it, he doesn’t accept your physical affection and push you away at the moment; then you get resentful and shot him a reproachful pout like “What type of men are you on earth?”, staring at him.
So, is it possible to arouse his sexual desire when you want to have sex but he seems not to be in the mood?
Is there some leeway to pump his sexual desire when you are in the mood but he seems not? In this case, you might try to apply this concept – try to plant a sexy thought/fantasy into his mind, which may rapidly increase his lust level and turn around his attitude towards you; for example, according to a specific occasion, you may whisper certain dirty and naughty things in his ear like,” I remembered the night when I was riding you…”, ”What are you going to do to me?”, “I want you to be gentle.”, and so on. Surely, dirty talk is an art; if you want to learn more about how to talk dirty to your husband, you might go on to read the page below:
For more tips on how to seduce your husband with words, you might also go on to read the post below:
how to seduce your husband with words – sexually arouse him.
Surely, if you still fail to sexually arouse your husband in this way, you had better wait another time. After he rejects you sexually, you might give a kiss to him and say, “That’s ok, have a rain check,” then feel at ease and drop the topic.
(2) Enhance communication rather than drift apart:
The sexual rejection from your husband may make you distance yourself from him for some time, or even give him the silent treatment in the following days. But the longer you keep your distance, the more depressed you feel in that situation. Hence, you must know clearly that chronic sexual frustration is never a healthy ingredient for maintaining your marriage. Anyway, it takes both of you to fix this relationship problem; sooner or later, either you or he has got to take the first step to initiate the conversation about it.
When he is not interested in having sex with you, you should know there may be a wide range of emotional or physical factors that can be reasons for his rejection, such as low testosterone, weight problems, pornography, workaholism, lack of friendship, lack of respect, and lack of confidence.
You may hardly know the reason unless you sit with him calmly to discuss your confusion about his recent behavior without making him feel uncomfortable.
During the conversation, try not to cry or scream, and don’t get too emotional; get him to open up to you, and meanwhile let him understand how you feel about being rejected sexually. If he feels like a mess, allow him space and time to figure out his own problems.
Believe it or not, a lot of women do not quite know what their men really want in bed, and a lot of men also never admit their deepest sexual fantasies to their women. In other words, your husband may reject you sexually because he thinks that you do not understand him well at that moment.
Maybe, you have become sick of being the one who has to initiate sex, of feeling undesired or unwanted; it seems hard for you to get mind-blowing sex and intimacy in your married life; anyway, don’t give up efforts to keep sex alive in your marriage, probably you need to learn more about how your husband feels about you and how to have him sexually obsessed with you, and you just have not found an effective way to rekindle the sexual intimacy in your relationship. If so, you might as well go on to read the page below, it shares the valuable experience on how to make your man worship you the way you deserve; it may help you better understand masculine psychology (such as what a man truly desires from his woman, and what inspires him to be the lover she wants).
If you need more tips on what you can do to attain sexual intimacy and pleasure you want in your married life, you might go on to read the posts below:
How to spice up the bedroom for him – Get out of a sexual rut.
How to keep sex alive in your marriage – common mistakes in bed.
(3) Try to become his obsession:
Probably when your husband rejects you sexually, you pay too much attention to how to please your man by satisfying his needs; but to be an attractive woman, you need to focus on how to reveal your own. And in fact, every woman is born with certain alluring qualities, but most women don’t know how to harness them in their love relationships. This kind of quality plays an important role in triggering a man’s “love instinct” that makes him experience the gut-level attraction. You must remember how attractive you were to him when he fell in love with you at the early stage of the love relationship; at that time, your man just felt that you became an emotional addiction to him, but probably he could not clearly explain that.
For more tips on how to keep your husband attracted to you, you might go on to read the page below; it will teach you how to reveal your seductive quality and give your man a way to please you:
The final word:
Sex can be considered a barometer of your marriage; if you and your spouse’s opinions are divided about certain significant or challenging things, sex is a bit like a microscope on how those things are going. Every marital relationship always has some tough issues that a couple needs to take some time to work through. And there are times when a couple gets confused about how to get sex to “work” again. This can be viewed as normal relationship stuff because numerous couples go through this situation and finally get through it. For more tips about how to revive a sexless marriage, you might go on to read the post below:
How to survive in a sexless marriage – Is a sexless relationship doomed?
Yes, no women want their men to reject them, but almost every married woman has to suffer some form of her man’s rejection at some point. Understandably, you may feel so hurt when your man rejects you; in particular, sexual rejection from your husband easily impacts your self-esteem; so in addition to learning how to deal with the pain of rejection, you should also try to figure out deep reasons why he rejects you. More often than not, he rejects you when his emotional needs are not being met.
In your married life, sometimes sexual intimacy problems may be more complicated than you think. If you feel like you are dying in the sexless marriage and now you are very eager to get your marriage back on track, you might go on to watch the video below to follow the comprehensive guidance that is offered by Brad Browning, a marriage coach with 12+ years of experience:
Maybe, you are also interested in the related post below:
6 tips on what to do when you feel rejected by your husband.
What causes a sexless marriage – why does a marriage become sexless.
How to keep sex alive in your marriage – common mistakes in bed.
How to text your husband – Texts he wants to receive.
How to deal with an emotionally distant husband – Make him open up.
What does it mean when you feel like your husband hates you?
Why you feel unloved by your husband – How to save your marriage.