Does your wife feel uncomfortable as soon as you talk about sex? Is your wife no longer unaffectionate to you? Do you realize that the two of you have gone from lovers to roommates? Understandably, it is a very isolating feeling to live with a woman who feels more like a roommate than a lover. But sadly, it is difficult to avoid a dreaded roommate phase in any long-term committed relationship. After all, every marriage has its ups and downs, good days and bad days. However, when you sense your marriage has been stuck in a rut, you need to take action to bring sexual intimacy back into your relationship.
Here are 7 tips on what you can do when your wife becomes a roommate:
1 Help her get away from stress:
It is easy for a wife to have a low sex drive if she has too much stress and too many responsibilities on her plate. For example, a wife may have difficulties making the quick shift from being a mom to a sexual partner.
Keep in mind that sex is about connection and pleasure. And sexual pleasure can hardly be experienced when she is under excessive stress. And if you can’t help her manage stress as a teammate, the relationship suffers, and it can be reflected clearly in the sex life.
Therefore, if you want more sex and better sex, take action to help her reduce her stress, and here are some practical tips:
- Have fun together, such as watching movies, taking a walk, and laughing together.
- Build more together time into your daily schedule.
- Stop sweating the small stuff; when you are growing stressed about something relevant to her, resist the temptation to complain to her about it, first of all, ask yourself: does it matter? If not, let it go, rather than place extra stress on her.
- Communicate issues respectfully and clearly, even though those issues are controversial.
- Be generous with your encouraging and affirmative words when she is stressed out by something.
2 Reduce arguments with her:
Marital conflict and good sex do not go together in most situations. And if you go into a vicious cycle of fighting with your spouse, it can take a toll on one or both of you; and she may feel that sex is no longer an enjoyable way to reconnect. It is human nature that we have no mood to respond to someone when we are angry. So how can you ask your woman to respond sexually to you when she is angry at you? And the more hostility and resentment she builds up in herself, the lower her sex drive is.
Our emotions and moods influence the way we act; and our bodies might not respond when we are feeling disconnected, insecure, or uncomfortable. Although conflict and arguments are unavoidable in any relationship, couples should avoid unnecessary arguments as much as possible; and on the other hand, you should try to adhere to the fair fighting rules when you have to fight with your spouse over an issue.
If you want to learn more about how to fight fair with your wife in married life, you might go on to read the post below:
How to fight fair with your spouse – Fight in a healthy way.
3 Make her feel sexy and desirable:
Women are often reminded of their body flaws by beauty pageant shows, beautiful magazine covers, music videos, billboards, and so on. It is no surprise that a lot of women have been overwhelmed by their flawless beauty, especially after they had their children; maybe, your wife also possesses low self-esteem and suffers from insecurity. If a woman’s confidence about her body is shaken, she can feel insecure about sex; what is worse, even if her man tells her that she is still beautiful in his eyes, she may still not believe in herself.
To make your wife feel desirable again, you should let her realize that she deserves to be loved by you regardless of her shape or age. And here are some practical tips that you might follow:
- Compliment her:
Women like being showered with compliments. Even though your wife is a modest woman, she also loves the sweet things you say about her. The key point is that you should be honest and genuine with your compliments.
- Kiss her:
Kisses help keep the spark of passion and intimacy alive. Maybe, right now your wife does not want heavy make-out sessions; however, probably she is not so resistant to constant kisses from you.
- Be affectionate:
Women usually want to experience more affection from their men before having sex. So if you are yearning for more sex with your wife, you might be more affectionate towards her. Whether it is holding her hand in public, massaging her shoulders, or sending a love text message to her, in a word, you can try to touch her heart by showing that you care about her through actions of fondness.
4 Learn the art of dirty talk:
When your wife becomes a roommate, a big obstacle to sex is how to talk about sex. Since sex has become a sensitive topic for her, probably you deliberately play down this kind of talk in the presence of her, and it is moved to the end of a long to-do list. However, if a man can not talk about sex with his woman in a comfortable manner, there will be fairly great difficulties in having a good sex life. By contrast, according to research on couples who have a satisfying sex life, generally, they make sex a priority, they create space for connection and intimacy regularly, and they talk openly about sex, despite the demands of kids and work. In their minds, dirty talk is another way to increase sexual pleasure.
If you want to learn more about how to talk about sex with your wife, you might go on to read the page below; it provides a series of valuable tips on how to spark up your woman’s sex drive:
Once you know how to captivate your woman, you can turn her into a pleasure-seeking device.
5 Bring romance back:
When couples have a busy life, romance often takes a back seat. However, sex and romance can go hand in hand and one helps the other. For a lot of couples living in a sexless marriage, one of the common reasons why their marriage beds are frozen over or boring is that they just don’t have time for romance.
When it comes to sexual intimacy, men are much more motivated by erotic material and visual cues; by contrast, women are more motivated by emotional intimacy. Men’s romantic gestures promote emotional satisfaction in women, which makes women more receptive to sexual stimuli and therefore increases their sexual arousal. Unlike men, women do not possess a strong innate drive to engage in sexual behavior, yet it does not mean they do not want to have sex with their men, it just means that they need to be emotionally motivated first.
If you are thinking up ways to inject romance into your marriage life, here are some simple tips:
- Make efforts to look good for your wife.
- Make full use of love words;
- Share with her your dreams, hopes, and secret thoughts.
- Give a sensual touch; for example, massage introduces touch in a safe way, creating an intimate experience and enhancing the mood.
- Make more time to stay alone together.
For more tips on how to bring romance back into your married life, you might go on to read the post below:
How to romance your wife again – Tips for romance with your wife.
6 Make lifestyle changes:
Not being sexually attracted to her may have nothing to do with whether you look attractive. She may feel that she is just over-familiar with you and loses the sense of mystery that triggers her sexual excitement. Sexual arousal and desire tend to decrease in response to partner familiarity and increase in response to partner novelty. In this aspect, changing your lifestyle can be a breakthrough in improving your image in her heart. In particular, some of your bad lifestyle habits not only decrease your sexual performance but also influences your woman’s libido. And being a better version of yourself can give your wife a fresh feeling about you, thereby going a long way to improving your sex life and increasing her libido. The following are some lifestyle habits that you may improve or avoid:
- Limit alcohol consumption.
- Quit smoking.
- Exercise regularly.
- Reduce your stress.
- Don’t stay up too late.
- Don’t go straight to sex. Most women love foreplay, so you might try to keep the foreplay exciting and full of sensual touch.
7 Be concerned about her emotional needs:
Generally, in long-term relationships, men and women have a different view of sex: it is easy for a man to assume that sex itself is just one of the physiological needs, regardless of what or who it comes from; but a woman assumes that sex is a form of deep love or intimacy. This is also a reason why a couple’s sex life becomes suffering from time to time.
So you should be aware that female sexuality greatly differs from male sexuality. Generally, before a woman gets aroused, she needs to feel a stronger desire to have sex. But for the majority of men, it just takes some visual stimulation to get them in the mood for sex. You see, men are always the predominant consumers of pornography products and services. For example, Viagra often works well for men, but it does not work well for women. Men can be sexually aroused without emotional connection.
By comparison, women have a secret need for having a deep emotional connection before they want to have sex with their men. For example, if a wife feels like her husband does not support her emotionally or does not emphasize with her enough when she was struggling at something in her life or work, she will feel emotionally impacted and thereby restrict communication, physical and emotional affection. So when your wife becomes a roommate, you might ask yourself whether you are doing a good job meeting her emotional needs.
If you want to better understand a wife’s emotional needs, you might go on to read the post below:
A wife’s emotional needs – What a wife wants from a husband.
The final word:
When sex comes to a standstill, probably it has more to do with the relationship than the sex itself. Unlike a mousetrap, the roommate trap does not snap you instantly; it is methodical and slow like an elaborate maze; in long-term committed relationships, almost every couple has to confront the roommate syndrome at some point; love erodes when partners remain sexless; anyway, it is possible to get a marriage out of the roommate trap and rekindle sexual intimacy.
If you need more marriage-saving tips on what to do to when your wife becomes a roommate, you might go on to watch the video below to follow the comprehensive guidance that is offered by Brad Browning, a marriage coach with 12+ years of experience:
Maybe, you are also interested in the posts below:
How to flirt with your wife – Bring flirting back into your marriage.
How to keep sex alive in your marriage – Common mistakes in bed.
How to keep intimacy in your marriage – Improve marital intimacy.
Why your wife hates you – What to do when she hates you.
A wife’s emotional needs – what a wife wants from a husband.
What to do when your marriage lacks passion – Get the spark back.