Maybe, everything in your relationship appears quite normal, but you may have found yourself more and more disconnected to your husband; now you start to complain that you have fully bought into the marriage, but that he doesn’t reciprocate your attention and love.
Maybe, your husband is the first to emotionally withdraw in your marriage, but he should not be responsible for the deterioration of the relationship alone. And you can’t guarantee that he will instantly change himself for you and come close to you; instead, you should take initiative to change yourself to attract your husband emotionally.
If you have no idea how to attract your husband emotionally, the 6 tips below may be worth reading:
1 Express your genuine admiration:
The intensity of love feelings he experiences towards you is directly proportional to how worthwhile and important he feels in the relationship. The more he feels that he is important to you, the more willing he is to give you affection. To some extent, marrying you means that he can not satisfy all his emotional needs by himself, the majority of husbands are men with a strong desire to win praise and appreciation from their women, I bet your husband is also not exceptional. When you understand this point and make a constant effort to meet his huger in this aspect, he tends to be more emotionally attracted to you.
And the following are 2 key points that you should grasp while you are trying to express your praise or admiration:
- Let him earn admiration from you:
He wants to earn admiration from you, rather than expect you to give him admiration or appreciation as a gift. Usually, a husband knows well that he can not be a hero who can save the world, but he is trying to be the hero of his woman; so that kind of heroic deeds deserves his woman’s admiration. For more tips on how to make your man feel like your hero, you might go on to read the post below:
How to trigger your husband’s hero instinct – His secret desire.
- Recognize his good traits:
Men’s good character traits vary from person to person. Make sure to compliment those traits that your man possesses. Otherwise, your compliments may backfire – once he thinks that you are just hoaxing him into believing something untrue, he tends to pull further away emotionally.
So you should get to know your husband better; to attract your man at a deeper emotional level, you should know what is good about him not only to you but also to other people, such as what makes him a good husband, a good father, a good son, a good worker, a good brother, and a good friend; even though you and your man have been married for years, it is possible that you still don’t know well something about him, or maybe you have mistaken about something about his character.
To understand him better, first of all, make sure to be an attentive listener of him – listen to him carefully every time he is speaking to you. And meanwhile, give him more chances to exhibit himself. Then try to recognize his good traits from his words and behavior. Surely don’t be shy to tell him those good qualities that you have already observed and discovered about him. Be generous to praise his virtues and tell him how much you have benefited from them.
In doing so, he will be encouraged to emotionally depend on you due to a strong sense of self-worth that you bring him. Therefore, it helps the two of you rebuild an emotionally fulfilling relationship.
2 Display your best self to impress him:
Do you really know what your man likes most about you? A lot of married women often confuse what their men like about them with what they do well in. For example, you are good at cooking, but he is very busy every day and gets accustomed to eating takeout or home-delivered meals. If so, you do not have to knock yourself out cooking tasty food for him. As to what he likes about you, you should spend some time thinking about it carefully.
If you realize that you don’t know well what he likes about you, you might directly ask him the closely related questions, such as “Why did you marry me instead of someone else?”, “Why did you choose to stay with me instead of seeking another pretty woman?”, and “What do you value most about me?”. Don’t be afraid to ask him those sensitive questions. When you are asking those questions, don’t appear to be needy; no matter what he says, allow him to be open with you. If he dares not to be straight with you, probably he feels you are aggressive in your married life and he is afraid that his thoughts may not please you. To attract your husband emotionally, don’t attempt to force your thoughts on him, and don’t make him feel depressed and oppressed, anytime; after all, what he thinks may greatly differ from what you think;
And when your man senses that you are dedicated to giving him the part of you that he likes, he will be pleased to see this change.
3 Don’t be too needy:
If you can’t take care of yourself emotionally in daily life, you will often seek your man’s validation to make you feel good; and once he is not willing to be in tune with you, you are apt to be critical of him; over time, then he may interpret it as your demanding behavior towards him instead of your loving behavior, therefore he may withhold his affection and thereby your relationship may feel like a competition of needs.
So, how to figure out whether you are too needy in your marriage? A simple test is to ask yourself how much you fear when he rejects your request, how well you deal with your man’s criticism, and how often you consider his feelings or needs. Not putting up with a husband’s criticism is one matter (it is a quite normal situation in a marriage), but falling apart emotionally due to the fear of his criticism is another matter (the constant fear of a man’s criticism makes a woman compromise her values and lose her self respect in the relationship). And if you realize that you pay scant attention to your man’s needs, chances are that you are too focused on yourself and that you are too needy.
Remember, if you are too needy in your marriage, everything you do to attract your husband’s attention can be canceled out; hence, it is very important to overcome your neediness in your marriage.
4 Be cautious of bringing up his past:
Don’t overlook his past because it is also an important part of his identity. Sometimes, you mention his unpleasant past without any intention of hurting him emotionally, but he may interpret it as your disrespect, criticism, or rejection. On the contrary, if you mention something great that he ever did for you in front of him, he will appreciate you and get more attracted to you emotionally.
On the other hand, he has his reasons why he mentions his past achievements or those wonderful things that he used to do. It is a part of a way that he sees himself. Even an old man may appreciate and be attracted to a woman who admires him for some things that he did tens of years ago. So, no matter what your relationship status is, don’t discount his past and put him down, especially if he is less capable than before. For example, he was able to finish a marathon but now he becomes obese and even he may have to gasp for breath after running a few steps; and when you point out that he has already lost the ability to finish a marathon (you think that you just speak the truth, and there is no malice on your part), probably he feels depressed and his heart hurts emotionally.
Regardless of any form of behavior that puts him down consciously or unconsciously, it may make him feel more emotionally distant from you because he may not feel loved, respected, and understood.
5 Make him feel fully accepted in your marriage:
One of the important emotional needs of your husband is to feel fully accepted in the relationship. In this field, he not only wants you to admit his merits and advantages but also wants you to accept his shortcomings and faults. After you have an objective view of his personality traits, he feels more accepted and connected.
Surely, your husband has some sort of faults, yet you can not attract him emotionally by pointing them out in front of other people in spite of your good intentions. You do not have to show up his personality blemishes unless you have to deal with them. Even though you have to deal with them, make sure to do it in a secure and loving manner.
If your husband is constantly on his guard when you are around him because you seem ready to judge and belittle him about trivial matters, he may be reluctant to be emotionally attached to you. Understandably, a husband feels uncomfortable staying with a quarrelsome and nagging wife. You might take a more tolerant attitude towards his mistakes. For example, when you notice that he is messing up things, as long as he is not doing something detrimental to himself or the relationship, you might turn a blind eye to that thing and allow him to correct it on his own.
No one is without weaknesses and flaws, actually, being kind and forgiving to your husband is also kind to forgiving to yourself ultimately – after you are kinder and more forgiving towards him, you will also receive more of his kindness and forgiveness later.
6 Be more empathetic with him:
A good way to work through a rough patch in a marriage is to practice empathizing with your husband. Showing empathy can enhance communication as well as emotional intimacy in marriage. Being empathetic means you should try to understand and imagine your man’s feelings; empathy empowers your husband by providing a strong sense of connection and togetherness that is formed by mutual identification for him, it acts as a cushion of understanding that can help the two of you avoid marriage bumps in the road; by tapping into an emotional resonance, the two of you can come into contact with each other on a deep emotional level, regardless of what he is feeling.
The following are 7 basic ways to communicate your empathy to your man:
- Be self-aware:
To be more attuned to your husband’s emotions and feelings, first of all, you should be more open to your own emotions in front of him.
- Be a good listener of him:
To be empathetic with your man, you have to patiently hear what he is telling you. Without hearing him out, you can’t have all the details about a relationship issue. So, remind yourself to refrain from interrupting while he is speaking to you.
- Be in tuned to his emotional truth:
When your husband gets too emotional, how he says something is even more important than what he says, because he may say things that he does not mean, and hence you need to make a more reasonable judgment based on his nonverbal messages.
- Observe his body language:
You can obtain a lot of information about how your man is feeling by watching his body language and non-verbal cues. So pay attention to his facial expressions, gestures, hand motions, tone of voice, and so on.
- Suspend judgment and disbelief:
Although it has been emphasized that listening is crucial to develop empathy, you should also be careful not to judge what he is telling you, and you had better not offer suggestions or tips while you are trying to show empathy towards him. Why? When you try to look at his problem from your own point of view, probably you are not empathetic because your opinion and feelings can not always be in tune with what he is thinking about and what he is going through at the moment. Even though you want to share some tips, you might let him speak his mind first.
In short, remember one thing: while you are developing empathy towards your man, temporarily put aside your own opinion, just be focused on his emotional needs.
- Use reflection:
Reflection is a simple way to let your man feel that you are feeling how he is feeling. When you are clarifying back to his feelings, you might say things like, “you are hurting, I can feel it.”
The final word:
Remember, preserving your charm in your husband’s heart and mind is not just about having an attractive physical appearance. Spending time to look pretty and dressing to get your husband’s attention is also not a fundamental way to get him to put you first. All the tips above want you to be more concerned about your husband’s inner world to better meet his emotional needs.
Last but not least, keep in mind that you will be emotionally attractive when you treat him in the way your husband desires to be treated.
If you feel like you have already been in an emotional desert, begging your man to give you one drop of the attention and love you need, you might go on to watch the video below; it offers straightforward, practical guidance on how to connect with your man and make him devoted to you:
Maybe, you are also interested in the posts below:
What every man secretly wants – How to make him devoted to you.
How to keep your husband’s attention – Rekindle the fire in your marriage.
Why your husband is distant – How to stop him from being distant.
What to do when he ignores you – How to react to his silent treatment.
How to survive an emotionally disconnected marriage.
What you should not do when your man ignores you.
Texts your husband will love – How to make him desire you again.