A marriage ebbs and flows like the waves of the sea. In your married life, you must have periods where you and your spouse feel deeply connected, but there are also periods where the connection is not nearly as strong; it is a life-long task to maintain a marriage; and if sometimes you feel confused about how to remain happily married, you might read on.
The following are 10 time-proven principles of living happily together:
1 Value your spouse:
Every partner has a strong desire to be valued/cherished by his/her partner – to feel valuable and supremely important in the relationship. Therefore, if your spouse, or your spouse’s friends or family members ask you any subtle question to see whether you value/cherish him/her, you should respond quickly and leave no doubt in their minds. To a large extent, the marriage means that your spouse has entrusted himself/herself to you; he/she wants you to bear it in mind. And an immediate response without hesitation can clearly communicate that you know it well and that he/she matters to you.
2 Ask about your spouse’s thoughts and dreams:
From time to time, you might initiate a conversation about his/her recent thoughts and dreams, and then share your own ideas and dreams. In this way, he/she can feel that you make him/her your priority. It is better not to wait until he/she has to speak out his/her mind or complain to you about something urgent/serious; otherwise, by that time, he/she may have already felt ignored, unloved, and unwanted in the relationship.
3 Accept that he/she may think differently from you:
Nobody wants to be a spouse that automatically validates everything that his/her spouse says. When your spouse sees things differently, you should not minimize his/her unique intuition and perspective; instead, you should view it as an important benefit of his/her personality.
While the conflict in your marriage is normal, it can bring out some parts of your marriage that are not working. And if your spouse dwells on those parts, he/she tends to feel unhappy and unloved.
For more tips about how to manage conflict and move forward constructively, you might go on to read the posts below:
How to defuse conflict in marriage – Calm down a heated argument.
How to deal with marital conflict – Resolve conflict in marriage.
4 Don’t mention things your spouse did that you forgave:
Disagreements come and arguments happen inevitably in any marriage. But no matter how intense an argument with your spouse is, there is a place that you should not go – after you have already granted forgiveness for something serious that your spouse did, you should not mention it again. Understandably, sometimes when you get into an angry argument and you yield to your bad emotions, you are tempted to bring up your spouse’s past mistakes to fight against him/her and gain an advantage; but once you bring up something he/she did that you have already promised to forgive, it is easy to stab the fragile part of his/her heart; and this will not only make her feel hurt and unloved but also hinder the relationship from progressing forward.
5 Don’t make negative inferences, comments, or give bad vibes about your spouse in front of other people:
It is a huge mistake to speak negatively of your spouse in front of other people, especially your extended family. Otherwise, this will make him/her feel insecure in the relationship; a married couple should be one single, unassailable entity; whenever you speak ill/evil of your spouse behind his/her back, this undermines the relationship. And don’t think that your spouse can not hear what you talk about him/her behind his/her back; many times, your spouse can somehow get clues about what you have said about him/her.
6 Keep the romance alive:
The beginning of most long-term relationships is passionate and romantic – frisky, fun fantasies, and spontaneity are there. However, over time, a lot of married couples get busy with various things (e.g. household chores, parenting, and work), they fall into a monotonous routine, and they become too tired/stressed to realize that they should keep intimacy alive. For example, once kids become a part of the picture of marriage, one or both spouses may lose interest in keeping their sex life exciting.
If you have a similar experience like above, you should be aware that romance is a necessary component of a long-lasting happy marriage. And if you are trying to put the spark back into your relationship, you might go on to read the posts below:
How to keep intimacy in your marriage – Improve marital intimacy.
7 tips on how to get back emotional intimacy in marriage.
What to do when your marriage lacks passion – Get the spark back.
How to survive in a sexless marriage – Is a sexless relationship doomed?
7 Get over your jealousy:
In modern society, men and women have more contact. An adult is more apt to have friends of the opposite sex. By the way, reports found that extramarital sex partners are very likely to be close friends. More and more marital unhappiness can be associated with jealousy in a marriage.
Jealousy comes out of a lack of mutual trust. Mild jealousy occurs in almost all long-term relationships; so it is normal, but excessive jealousy can be distressing; especially when jealousy takes over or occurs for no reason, it can be highly destructive.
Therefore, to remain happily married, you also have to learn how to properly deal with jealousy in your relationship.
For more tips, you might go on to read the posts below:
What is an emotional affair? – How to mend a marriage after it.
12 common signs of an insecure wife – Signs your wife is insecure.
How to deal with jealousy in your marriage – Stop being a jealous wife.
8 Don’t break your spouse’s trust in you:
This is not just about not betraying your spouse; this is also about not hiding necessary/important things from your spouse. For example, you returned home late because you went to a bar and chattered with some friends, but you told your spouse that you just worked late.
Remember, your spouse falls in love with you, and he/she places his/her deep trust in you; to maintaining the trust, you need to be open with him/her about those things that matter. If you are not sure whether something matters to your spouse, you might ask yourself two simple questions, “If my spouse lied about the same thing, would it matter to me? ”, and “Will the lie hurt him/her if it comes out one day?”. If one of the answers is yes, you had better be honest with him/her rather than risk losing his/her trust in you.
9 Be supportive:
One way to make your spouse feel loved is being able to assist him/her. Life is full of ups and downs, but everyone desires to be the best that they could be; your spouse is also not exceptional. Anytime, your spouse wants you to support his/her dreams, visions, and endeavors… And especially when your spouse is staying in low ebb, if you can pull him/her together and lend him/her a shoulder to lean on, he/she will see you as a part of his/her struggles and winnings. For example, if your spouse loves writing and you buy him/her many books to assist him/her in improving his/her writing skills, that will make sense to him/her.
Furthermore, if you can occasionally ask your spouse whether he/she needs help or how you can be of help to him/her, he/she feels gratified.
10 Tell your spouse you appreciate what he/she has done for you as well as the family:
You should let your spouse know that you appreciate what he/she does for you and your family, especially if he/she has to work outside the home. No matter how strong your spouse is thought to be, probably there are times when he/she wants to throw in the towel, hide away in his/her office, yell at his/her boss or business partner… but usually he/she does not do it. Why? Part of the reason can be you and your family. Being a bread-winner is a big responsibility for a spouse; as well know, the role of breadwinner had traditionally been ascribed to men; but nowadays, in the majority of families, both husband and wife take the roles.
When you don’t recognize your spouse’s effort and the pressure that your spouse is under, he/she feels devalued. Even though your spouse just stays home with the kids without earning money for the family, he/she is also worth being appreciated because he/she also sacrifices himself/herself for the family; as much as your spouse probably feels the joy of being the at-home parent, he/she also has times when he/she wants to yell at you, throw in the towel/diaper, or hide in a corner… However, I bet that usually your spouse just keeps caring for the kids without complaining.
It is not hard to show appreciation; specifically, you might tell your spouse that you know how difficult it can be to do something that he/she is doing; tell your spouse that you see his/her commitment; acknowledge something significant your spouse does that is taken for granted by others…
The final word:
Getting married is much easier than staying happily married. And a lot of problematic couples still struggle to maintain their marriages although they constantly feel unhappy, miserable in their relationships. Why? It is because they believe that their marriages are still worth saving, and they still entertain hopes of surviving and thriving in their relationships.
For more valuable tips on how to remain happily married, you might go on to watch the video below to follow the comprehensive guidance that is offered by Brad Browning, a marriage coach with 12+ years of experience:
Maybe, you are also interested in the related posts below:
What every husband needs from his wife – A husband’s basic needs.
What a husband expects from his wife in marriage – A man’s needs.
What not to do when your spouse wants out – Save the marriage.
What to do when your spouse wants to leave you – Save your marriage.
Don’t ignore these warning signs that your marriage is in danger.
When your marriage is stale, how to fix it and keep it alive.