In married life, couples may occasionally have a bad day and feel isolated and depressed; it is normal; but when such a situation lingers for a long time, the relationship suffers.
If you have no idea what to do when your marriage is struggling, here are some tips:
1 Practice forgiveness:
We are all imperfect people; therefore our marriages are also not perfect. Maybe, your spouse has some quirks that frustrate you, and you are still angry about something wrong that he/she did to you several years ago. But to make the long-term relationship work, you must learn to forgive your spouse for some detrimental things he/she did that have ever hurt or irritated you; remember, if you dwell on the unpleasant past, the relationship can not move forward. On the other hand, when your spouse senses that you become a more forgiving person than you ever were, the tension between you two can be relieved significantly.
Surely, it takes time to forgive your spouse. And it is difficult to completely forgive your spouse after you have been deeply hurt by him/her; but as long as you try to practice forgiveness, you are making progress. To practice forgiveness, you need to seek a way to reduce resentment, enhance communication, and reach more mutually acceptable agreements.
For more tips, you might go on to read the posts below:
Should you forgive your cheating spouse and move forward?
How to forgive betrayal and move on in your marriage.
2 Strengthen the friendship with your spouse:
A lot of happily married couples like to refer to each other as good friends. In fact, a deep and meaningful friendship is also a key to maintaining a happy marriage because it helps enhance intimacy and manage conflict. So when your marriage is struggling, probably it is also a time to heal the damaged friendship with your spouse; and there are many small things you can do to strengthen the friendship. Specifically, you two might work together to finish some household chores, and find some common hobbies and shared interests; and you might carefully observe how your spouse develops a friendship with others, this can help you get inspiration for an effective way to strengthen the friendship with him/her…
3 Break the cycle of resentment:
When your marriage is struggling, probably you and your spouse have fallen into a vicious cycle of chronic resentment; for your relationship to survive and thrive, you need to get out of the cycle as soon as possible.
A secret of a long-lasting happy marriage is to allow every spouse to pursue their respective dreams; but once a spouse feels like they can not get what they want out of their life, they may blame their spouse for this even though it is not their spouse’s fault. Then over time, the seed of resentment can grow to infest a mind like a weed in a garden.
For more tips on how to better meet your spouse’s needs in the relationship, you might go on to read the posts bellows:
A wife’s emotional needs – What a wife wants from a husband.
What every husband needs from his wife – A husband’s basic needs.
Furthermore, your resentment may often occur when you have a high expectation of your spouse about what he/she should do. And when he/she fail to live up to your expectation, the feelings of discontent tend to grow grossly and quickly into resentment. Therefore, it is important to set realistic expectations in your marriage.
For more tips on how to improve your relationship by managing your expectations, you might go on to read the post below:
How to have more realistic expectations in your marriage.
4 Cut out the non-essentials:
Sometimes, a marriage fails because of a mixture of relationship conflicts that couples can not get past. So if you and your spouse are divided by a series of conflicting issues and you two dwell on them, probably you will also feel struggling to maintain the relationship. In such a situation, you should avoid engaging in every conflict; and you might remind yourself that you do not have to be resolute on those non-essential issues in your married life; and whenever you realize that some matters of opinion are small but cause a sense of discord, you might call a halt to such a senseless argument about them; even you might clearly show your willingness to make concessions to end the argument.
For more tips on how to manage conflict in marriage, you might go on to read the posts below:
How to defuse conflict in marriage – Calm down a heated argument.
How to deal with marital conflict – Resolve conflict in marriage.
5 Get out of the boredom rut:
When your marriage is struggling, probably you have felt very bored in the relationship.
Restoring a good emotional state of the relationship is not as simple as getting interested in a strange person or a brand new thing. At the beginning of your relationship, it was easy to keep curious about your spouse and focus on his/her positive. However, as the relationship develops, the newness fades gradually; you start to think that you have known very well your spouse and that there isn’t much in him/her to hold your interest; so you pay less and less attention to him/her, you stop asking interesting questions to him/her… gradually you fall into a rut.
If you wonder what to do when your relationship is stuck in a boredom rut, you might go on to read the post below:
Why you feel bored in your marriage – How to overcome boredom.
6 Keep going:
If an unhappy relationship lasts for years, it is very easy for a couple to concentrate on those bad times and forget those good times, holding on to the negative belief that they will experience more bad times than good times in the future. Likewise, when your marriage is struggling, probably you have also fallen victim to the negative mentality, and you think that the grass is certainly greener on the other side of the fence. However, you must awaken the fact – too many couples who turned their backs on their relationships finally twigged that they should have treasured their relationships and kept them going rather than move on. Therefore, no matter how hard you feel to maintain the relationship now, you should not easily consider giving up on it because there may still be room for improvement of the relationship.
In short, to fix your struggling relationship, first, you need to adopt a growth mindset about it.
For more related tips, you might go on to read the post below:
How to keep your marriage alive – Maintain a happy long term marriage.
How to remain happily married with your spouse.
7 Try to become a better spouse:
Surely, there is no simple formula for becoming a better partner. But anyway, you might try to implement the strategies below to improve your role as a spouse in your marriage:
- Practice being more patient:
Patience is an indispensable trait for any person who wants to have a long-lasting relationship. So you should try to exercise your patience in various aspects of the relationship. Specifically, don’t become easily frustrated, don’t easily complain, and try your best not to display anger while you are waiting…
- Try to be more trusting of your spouse:
As we all know, insecurity can be a factor leading to relationship crises, especially when your marriage is struggling. So, you might try to be more trusting of your spouse rather than allow jealousy/insecurity to overtake you.
- Be more proactive:
Try to be more proactive instead of being reactive. Whatever problems you and your spouse are facing, you should try to seek productive solutions. As long as you try to use a more proactive approach to handle issues in your married life, you can avoid a lot of unnecessary trouble; then you will be amazed to find that you can make your day less boring; on the contrary, if you get accustomed to reacting to every issue that you face, you will go on to fall victim to this struggling relationship.
- Display humbleness:
When your marriage is struggling, I bet that you and your spouse loathe each other and argue a lot. In this case, you might let go of your egotism and pride to embrace comments and complaints from your spouse. Surely, it is easier said than done. In particular, you may feel very uncomfortable with your spouse’s harsh criticism, or you may feel reluctant to admit your mistakes/flaws. But anyway, you should be aware that displaying humbleness is an effective way to ease the conflict/tension in the relationship.
The final word:
Every marriage encounters a rough patch from time to time; but generally, it is worthy for couples to work hard to get through tough times.
For more tips on how to heal hurt in your marriage and grow stronger as a couple, you might go on to read the page below to follow the comprehensive guidance that is offered by Brad Browning, a marriage coach with 12+ years of experience:
Maybe, you are also interested in the related posts below:
Should you stay in a loveless marriage – How to survive a loveless marriage.
What to do when your marriage lacks passion – Get the spark back.
What to do when your spouse wants to leave you – Save your marriage.
Tips on coping with lack of affection in marriage – how to get affection back.
How to stay emotionally connected with your spouse.
Causes of marriage failure – common reasons a marriage fails.
Unhappy couples’ common questions – is your marriage unhappy?