It can be a hurtful thing when a woman feels ignored by her man. His ignoring may not only cause her physical discomfort (e.g. butterflies in her stomach, tightness in her chest, and insomnia) but also damage her self-esteem and make her insecure. Many times when a man ignores his woman, he does not give his woman an explanation; hence she is very likely to be blindsided by his emotional distance and lack of interest; and once a woman falls into an unnatural state of perpetual uncertainty, she is apt to make misjudgments and do something wrong to her man; then the relationship will become more unstable. As a wife, if you have a similar experience and wonder how to deal with your man when he ignores you, you might read on.
The following points out 4 common things you should not do when your man ignores you:
1 Don’t give him an eye for an eye:
In married life, insisting on an eye for an eye will only leave both sides hurt and make things worse. Probably when you interact with people, you firmly stick to the principle of fairness: you know well that even though you dislike someone else (surely, your spouse is also included), you still have to treat that person fairly; and meanwhile, you also want that person to be fair to you in the same way you treat him/her.
When your man ignores you, probably you feel you are treated so unjustly that you desire vindication and are tempted to justify your own unfairness. But finally, you may sense that he is unwilling to stop the silent treatment, especially after you have tried to vindicate yourself; then you become sorely tempted to retaliate. You reason that now that he is being such a jerk, you will be a jerk too; you reason that if he is going to be so mean to you, you will also be mean; or you reason if one day he feels the need to talk to you, you will also not speak to him… You want your man to feel as painful/lonely as you are feeling… With this vindictive mindset, resentment, anger, pain tends to build up. And once those negative emotions are unleashed against your man, probably, he will feel puzzled and angry, and she will also complain about how unfair you will be to him.
As explained above, retaliating will only raise the tension in your relationship. It might feel good to vent your emotions; however, it can not meet one of your inner needs: a deep emotional connection with him; on the contrary, it will push your man further apart.
2 Don’t threaten separation or divorce:
Understandably, you badly want to get your man’s attention back after he has been cold and distant for a long time; maybe, you feel that you have tried your best to stop him from being distant, but all in vain; in this situation, you are so desperate that you may start to consider taking some extreme means; maybe, you are thinking about getting him to show you more attention by threatening separation or divorce; but if you do it that way, things tend to get worse. And the example below may make this point clear:
In recent months, Anny realized that his man, Jason had always been distant, withdrawn, and emotionally closed whenever she was around him; she felt that she had put up with him too long, she no longer wanted to live this kind of life; hence, today, when Jason walked past him, she tried to talk to Jason again, but he still silently walked away from her; then she called out to him, and screamed at him, “I can’t stand you any more! I want a divorce!” Anny assumed that if she took such a drastic approach, he would admit some of his mistakes and yield to her pressure; but the outcome was: Jason paused; he got sad, angry and screamed back, ”OK, suit yourself!” then he slammed the door and went out; in a fit of bad temper, Anny called a divorce lawyer, although she went into panic mood…
In the case above, Anny did not intend to end the marriage, instead, she wanted to repair the relationship; but while Anny was threatening to divorce, the relationship was headed for an ending.
Surely, threatening divorce does not mean a divorce will really happen. But when a spouse threatens separation or divorce, the other one inevitably feels bitter and hurtful.
In a word, when your man ignores you, probably you feel very unloved and unwanted, you crave his attention and love. But anyway, don’t threaten to end the relationship in the hope of being seen/heard/cared for; it will be dangerous to your relationship.
3 Don’t freak out and nag:
When your man ignores you, if you freak out and nag him continually in a hope that he will turn around and be more invested in you, this will do little to get him more engaged.
Maybe, as a wife, you think your husband will have to pay more attention to you when you are freaking out and nagging; but that kind of attention is negative attention that can hardly get him interested in you again, especially after you two have been married for years; if you do it in this way, probably your man will get depressed, tired, and impatient because you are so naïve and you just act like a baby; as we all know, when a baby screams loud enough and bug their parents enough, their parents have to respond; their parents may have to pick them up, comfort them, reengage with them, and show them that they are not alone. But many times, those babies are just given time outs, ignored, spanked, and told to shut up; so do you really want your man to treat you like a baby?
Understandably, if you feel like you have been long ignored, probably you are feeling that your basic emotional needs are not met in the relationship, you sorely want to enhance the connection with him; but regardless of the situation, it is not a good option to go into your “baby needs to love” mode. A better approach should be to communicate your inner needs in a non-demanding, non-threatening way.
For more tips, you might go on to read the posts below:
Are you a nagging wife – How to stop nagging him.
How to have effective communication in marriage.
4 Don’t be too needy:
Yes, marriage means you are hardwired to need your man. It is healthy to need and rely on him during a challenging or difficult time in your life. Probably, after he has long ignored you for some time, you feel like you are stuck in a terrible situation or a negative phase of your life, you feel so lonely that you desire to get intimate with him. But on the other hand, probably your man is also in need of more personal space; hence, at this time, if you act like your life can no longer survive without him, your man will get bored of you because he thinks you are too needy.
Women are much more emotional than men. Their men’s ignoring them is often stereotypically perceived as a sure sign that their men want to quit their relationships. But in many cases, a man can suddenly become cold and distant in his love relationship due to a lot of issues that have nothing to do with his woman as well as the relationship. Probably he would not like to open up to his woman about what has happened to him, he just believes that he is capable of addressing those issues on his own, and he wants more personal space; and generally, after those issues are solved, he will come back to his woman just like before; during the process, he just wants his woman to leave him alone, and he may not want his woman to excessively interfere with what he is doing
Even though your man ignores you because he has emotionally checked out, you should also avoid coming across as clingy and needy. Trying hard to pursue him is a very tough way to get him back. And the positive way to get your emotionally distant man back should be to focus on how to awaken his desire to win your love again by tapping into his mind and becoming his obsession.
When it comes to how to curb your clingy, needy behavior, here are some simple suggestions:
- Respect your man’s need for space.
- Go on to enjoy your own hobbies and activities.
- Be socially active.
- Embrace who you are and get clear on your values.
- Relax and stop over-analyzing your man’s behavior that upsets you.
- Hang out with your friends.
- Get busy doing something exciting/meaningful/interesting.
For more tips, you might go on to read the post below:
How to overcome codependency in marriage – Fix the marriage.
The final word:
In a word, when you experience confusion, uncertainty, or insecurity that comes with feeling ignored by your man, don’t make a rash act and don’t prematurely jump to a conclusion about his unpleasant behavior.
For more tips on how to strengthen the connection with your husband when he ignores you, you might go on to watch the video below to follow the comprehensive guidance that is offered by Brad Browning, a marriage coach with 12+ years of experience:
Maybe, you are also interested in the related posts below:
What every man secretly wants – How to make him devoted to you.
How to keep him obsessed with you – Your man’s secret obsession.
The 5 most important emotional needs of a man – Meet his needs.
Why you feel unloved by your husband – How to save your marriage.
What to do when your husband is preoccupied.
How to keep your husband happy and faithful – Be a better wife.
How to connect more with your husband – Make him feel connected.