We all expect to feel noticed, validated, and understood by our partners; and when this doesn’t happen for whatever reason, we may feel unheard, unloved, and unwanted. But feeling unloved in marriage is a complex thing. It is very easy to misread the situation, and the problem may not be what we think. And a wife is much more likely to be confused and even frustrated about her marriage when she feels unloved and unwanted.
And if you wonder why you feel unloved by your husband, you might read on:
The following points out 5 common reasons why you might feel unloved in your marriage, and the corresponding advice is also put forward:
1 Your expectations for your man are too high:
Sometimes, when we complain that something goes wrong with someone else, ultimately, the real problem is found to be from ourselves. Likewise, have you considered the possibility that you expect too much of your husband: do you think about whether the affection that you want from your man is more than what is reasonable? Do you seek reassurance and validation of his love for you constantly? Have you constantly argued with your man because you think that he does not live up to your expectations all the time?
In short, unrealistic expectations for your spouse can cause a rift between you two; when you expect too much from your man but he can not give what you want, you will easily feel unloved and unwanted.
If you realize that you are suffering in the relationship because your expectations and desires for your man are too great, you are supposed to work on adjusting your attitude towards your man and your relationship. No doubt, admitting this to yourself is a very uncomfortable thing for you; what is more, it takes hard work to lower your expectations to fit reality. But as long as you can stick to doing it, you can find more happiness you deserve.
2 You don’t clearly communicate your needs:
Do you assume that your husband knows well what you need in the relationship? This is another common problem that is often overlooked by married couples. So many couples would not like to simply communicate what they want from each other. But this can create a lot of unnecessary problems/conflict. In particular, when you are feeling unloved and insecure in the relationship, if you can open up to your man about what you are concerned about, problems will be more likely to be avoided or solved.
After all, men and women conceptualize in different ways; no matter how good your husband is at reading your mind; from time to time, your man fails to understand what you mean unless you communicate it openly. The instance below can make this point clear:
For instance, you did not get promoted despite your hard work and strong confidence, you got so upset about it; but when your man sensed your feelings and asked you what was wrong, you were reluctant to tell your man the bad news, you just told him that you were just feeling a little uncomfortable and that you would be fine soon; then he did not ask you further details and did not take it seriously, and walked past you in a great hurry to work; at the moment, you felt a little unloved and unwanted by him; in that situation, you secretly wanted him to read your mind exactly and give you some comfort, but he let you down; and if you could open up to him at that time, I bet your man would at least give you a hug/kiss and offer you a few words of comfort.
Many times, not clearly communicating your needs can be thought of as a way to avoid feeling judged; but on the other hand, it is also the loss of a chance of feeling heard, accepted, and cared for. When seeing that your man is willing to help you as well as he can, or at least he is willing to negotiate with you, you feel that you are being taken seriously by him; this helps prevent you from feeling unloved in your marriage.
For more tips, you might go on to read the posts below:
4 annoying habits that cause communication barriers in marriage.
How to have effective communication in marriage.
3 You are codependent in your marriage:
This problem means you always put your husband’s needs ahead of your own. When you feel unloved in your marriage, you need to reflect on whether you have this unhealthy feeling: you feel like you are sacrificing yourself for love just like a martyr, and you are always hoping that your husband can notice your noble sacrifice and then change himself for you completely. If so, you should admit that you are codependent with your man.
And the following is a brief explanation of a woman’s codependent behavior:
Co-dependency can be a big relationship problem among the partners of alcoholics or addicts, where a long-suffering partner pays his/her partner’s debts, bails his/her partner out of prison again and again, or passively accepts that much money has been wasted on drugs and alcohol. But co-dependency in a relationship is not always so dramatic; it takes mild forms most of the time; for example, when a woman is married to a man with a bad temper, or a lazy man, she may hope to “fix” him just by loving him harder and harder; however, it is quite hard to change a person, especially when it comes to one’s personality.
A codependent woman may wear herself out trying to change her man; she may be willing to put out a great amount of love and energy, hoping to receive an equivalent amount back. On the one hand, she works so hard at the relationship and continues to sacrifice her needs, but on the other hand, she feels the amount of energy and love she gets back is far from enough for her (Actually, it is quite hard for a man to satisfy a codependent woman in a long-term relationship). The huge gap between giving and receiving makes her strongly feel unloved and unwanted by her man.
In short, codependency can be so sneaky that it can be hard to diagnose and fix. But anyway, if you admit you are codependent, it is advisable to try to change your codependent behavioral patterns. More specifically, you are supposed to learn to take better care of yourself and meanwhile spend less energy attempting to change your man.
For more tips, you might go on to read the post below:
How to overcome codependency in marriage – Fix the marriage.
4 He is experiencing external stress:
When you feel unloved by your husband, don’t ignore a possible reason – Your man may have something stressful that originates outside the relationship. It may stem from his work, his friends, or his relatives. In married life, external stress is an unavoidable factor that can impact marital satisfaction from time to time.
Therefore, if you find that the stress does not pertain to the relationship at all, a piece of advice is to keep patient and be there for him. When your man is being stressed by things outside the relationship, if he notices you silently support him all the time, he will appreciate your kindness and support.
Maybe, you have not paid attention to one of a man’s basic emotional needs: at some point, he just wants his woman to be understanding and emotionally supportive without any interference on what he is engaged in.
For more tips, you might go on to read the post below:
How to support your husband when he is stressed out.
5 Your husband is pulling away emotionally:
When you feel unloved in your marriage, maybe it is your gut that tells you that your man is pulling away. In this situation, you might think carefully about whether there are some changes in your man’s daily behavior; a man who wants out can exhibit a series of suspicious and even telltale signs, but you may have not paid enough attention to them in time. And if you find that everything goes well but your man has recently become very cold, distant, and emotionally unavailable, it is very likely a warning sign that your man is losing interest in you; then the relationship needs to be mended urgently even if your man does not want to work together with you; otherwise, probably you and your man will drift apart further as time passes.
For more tips, you might go on to read the posts below:
Signs your husband is pulling away – Why he seems distant.
What to do when he ignores you – How to react to his silent treatment.
How to deal with an emotionally distant husband – Make him open up.
The final word:
Understandably, feeling unloved is heart-wrenching. But when it comes to how to deal with relationship issues, women and men are weird differently – on a cognitive, cellular, hormonal, and emotional level. So when you feel unloved in your marriage, one the one hand, you should try to improve yourself, on the other hand, you should try to understand things from your man’s perspective on a deeper level; in doing so, you can avoid a lot of unnecessary misunderstandings/problems.
For more tips on how to win your man’s affection and love when you feel unloved in your marriage, you might go on to read the page below:
Make your husband obsess about you again – 3 key steps to remain happily married.
Maybe, you are also interested in the related posts below:
6 tips on what to do when you feel rejected by your husband.
What to do when your husband rejects you sexually – what does it mean.
How to mend the marriage when your husband says hurtful words.
7 tips on how to get back emotional intimacy in marriage.
How to mend the marriage when your husband says hurtful words.
What a husband expects from his wife in marriage – A man’s needs.
How to keep your husband happy and faithful – Be a better wife.
What every man secretly wants – How to make him devoted to you.
Suspicious signs your husband has emotionally checked out.
What to do when your marriage lacks passion – Get the spark back.