Any love relationship may go stale over time, especially after a couple has stayed together for years. And in your married life, do you feel like you and your spouse are drifting apart slowly? But remember, it should be a commitment to make the marriage work for the rest of your and your spouse’s life.
If you are confused about how to stop your marriage from becoming stale, here are some tips:
1 Enhance communication:
Sometimes, the marriage gets stale because your spouse is unsure of how you think about him/her as well as the relationship. At that time, if you can show your spouse that you sincerely want to have a better relationship with him/her, he/she will feel encouraged and motivated.
As we all know, silence can be a killer of a long-term relationship because lack of communication can lead to feelings of being disconnected. Especially if you and your spouse have been married for many years, it is easy to assume that your spouse can always understand you very well without the need to talk too much; but as communication between you and your spouse decreases over time, inevitably your spouse may feel confused or difficult to read your mind from time to time; for example, sometimes, you keep your distance and silence just because you want to leave yourself in peace; but if you do not explain this to your spouse, maybe he/she will perceive it as a sign that you are pulling away from him/her emotionally; then unnecessary relationship problems may arise.
For more tips, you might go on to read the posts below:
How to have effective communication in marriage.
4 annoying habits that cause communication barriers in marriage.
2 Leave the emotional baggage behind:
Emotional baggage can subtly affect your energy levels – the more emotional baggage you have, the more negative your thoughts and emotions are; and it can exert an imperceptible, wide influence on your relationship, such as your belief about the relationship, and how you show your love for your partner. So ask yourself whether you are bogged down with bitterness and resentment towards your spouse/ex or what he/she has done to you; maybe, your emotional baggage is also one of the factors leading to the stale relationship.
Especially if your past relationship ended on a bad note but now you are still weighed down by some painful memories as well as related emotions, you need to admit that you are carrying around emotional baggage, rather than evade this problem that is affecting the current relationship. To fix your stale marriage, it may be not enough to recognize that the emotional baggage is affecting your life, you may also need to learn how to let go of the unpleasant past and move forward.
For more tips on how to resolve emotional baggage, you might go on to read the post below:
How to deal with emotional baggage in marriage.
3 Do something that both you and your spouse can look forward to:
It seems simple to do something that you two look forward to. But it is not so easy to always have things to look forward to, and this should be a lifelong commitment, and you need to put continuous effort into it; otherwise, a marriage may get stale when a couple has nothing to look forward to their future.
Marriage begins with excitement. But as with exciting moments, every long-term relationship has its boring moments, and they inevitably happen over time. As you experience the bitter, mundane taste of life and various thoughts/things that disturb your married life, your commitment to your spouse may gradually turn into a begrudged obligation.
So when your marriage is stale, it may be time to try to reload your married life with hopes and expectations. Specifically, try to set more common goals, and share more nice things that you two can anticipate.
4 Plan some romance:
When you were dating, probably you and your spouse spontaneously developed a lot of creative ways to attract and woo each other. However, after you two have been married for years, especially after you two have children, probably your romance starts to fizzle. In this case, you might consider rebuilding romance and intimacy into your marriage; maybe, you think that romance has to be spontaneous to be real. Sometimes, it is true – initially, the development of a love relationship is based on spontaneous romance. However, after you are married, you two get accustomed to living a routine life; in this situation, if you do not try to plan some romance, it will fade.
Therefore, you might ask yourself when your last date was, how often you and your spouse go on dates in your marriage; if you realize that lack of romance is also a possible reason why your marriage becomes stale, you are supposed to spend more time together with your spouse and improve intimacy with your spouse. For more tips, you might go on to read the posts below:
What to do when your marriage lacks passion – Get the spark back.
How to improve sexual intimacy – Keep a happy marriage.
If you are a husband, you might also read the post below:
How to romance your wife again – Tips for romance with your wife.
If you are a wife, the post below may be helpful for you:
Texts your husband will love – How to make him desire you again.
5 Ditch the negativity:
Negativity is poison for a relationship. And negativity can come in a variety of forms, such as whining, attacking, discontent, pessimism, criticism, and cynicism.
So if you want to fix your stale relationship, you may try to get rid of negativity in your relationship. The more you develop a negative attitude towards your married life, the more trouble you have. Of course, every relationship can be affected by some negativity; and yet if unchecked, over time it can grow and foster; a high degree of negativity from one spouse can lead to a high level of withdrawal from the other spouse. And when one or both spouses adopt a negative outlook on their married life, it is hard for their relationship to move forward.
Remember, you can not feel happy with a negative attitude. Therefore, if you admit that you have constant negative thoughts about your spouse as well as the relationship, you should try to change your negative thinking patterns; to detox your mind from negativity, you might try to cultivate more gratitude by thinking about sacrifices your spouse has made for you , do more things that can make you happy, use more words of affirmation, take a more active part in sports and social activities, surround yourself with more positive people, avoid staying up too late, avoid negative self-talk, be more open-minded…
6 Make your spouse feel appreciated:
Maybe, you have not been appreciative of your spouse for a long time, you have already taken it for granted that your spouse should do things for you; when you constantly treat your spouse this way, he/she is in no mood to work together with you to improve the relationship although you two have felt stuck in the relationship, and even he/she may pull away from you emotionally.
Furthermore, ask yourself whether you have treated your spouse as a recipient of your daily complaints – when anything crappy happens to you, you tend to project your bad emotions onto your spouse, whether that thing is relevant to your spouse or not. This will also easily make him/her feel unappreciated and disrespected. Therefore, if you admit that you often behave this way to him/her, you should stop it.
7 Be attentive and compassionate:
When your marriage is stale, probably your spouse feels that you are no longer so attentive and compassionate; maybe, you have already taken your spouse for granted; or many times you may care for him/her silently without expressing yourself verbally; in such a situation, you should understand that your spouse wants to feel cared for regularly, and you are supposed to take a more proactive approach to show your concern for him/her.
And in daily life, there are many small things that you can do to show your care and attention. You can give a morning kiss before your spouse rushes out to work, you may occasionally ask your spouse how his/her day is, you may offer him/her a few words of compassion and comfort when he/she is having a rough time but struggling to open up to you.
The final word:
It is normal that marriage has its ups and downs, good days and bad days. But when you realize your marriage is deteriorating or you do not feel motivated to keep the passion alive, beware of settling for staying in the mediocre relationship. You can change the status quo and breathe some fresh air into the marriage, even if you are the only one who wants.
For more expert tips on how to fix your stale relationship and remain happily married, you might go on to read the page below to follow the comprehensive guidance that is offered by Brad Browning, a marriage coach with 12+ years of experience:
Maybe, you are also interested in the related posts below:
Why you feel bored in your marriage – How to overcome boredom.
4 basic tips on how to get through a rough patch in a marriage.
How to have more realistic expectations in your marriage.
How to have a long lasting happy marriage – Marriage-saving tips.
What to do when your marriage is struggling – Save the marriage.
What you should do when your marriage is no longer working.
Why you feel bored in your marriage – How to overcome boredom.